I haven't been around lately because I have been trying to wrap my head around my birth experience. I have been wondering if there was anything that I could have done or should have done to prevent my cesarean. I have been feeling a little bit guilty becuase I didn't tough it out or fight harder for a natural birth. Other people have difficult long labors and still get through them..why couldn't I?
Monday I had a two week follow up appt. On top of my chart was the surgical notes from the hospital. (I had a different OB than mine perform the surgery...actually is was the perinatologist who did it)
I asked for a copy of it and it was very very enlightening reading.
I really couldn't have done anything to avoid a cesarean....in fact the surgery probably saved my life.
It was a LOT worse than they originally told me.
It was more than just a ruptured uterus. If I had given birth vaginally I would have ended up with more ruptured spots and they wouldn't have been able to stop the bleeding from the popped arteries immediately.
According to the report my uterus was very scarred and damaged. It was very very thin in spots and there was no muscle or collegen left on the bottom portion where it did rupture. They couldn't find a safe spot to cut on my uterus and ended up just enlarging the rupture to pull Asher out of.
When they pulled him out my uterine arteries popped.
They had a really hard time cutting my open becuase I had lots of scar tissue. When they finally got in there they noticed that I was already starting to fill with blood.
Then the arteries popped.
It took them two hours to find and stop all the bleeding and repair my uterus.
I am lucky that I still have my uterus. I have a transverse inscision...but they had to sew my uterus up like it was a traditional vertical incision.
The exact words of the surgeon in the rport? "This was an remarkably difficult case."
WOW....just WOW!
SO when I was getting wheeled out of surgery the surgeon told me that it wouldn't be a good idea to get pregnant again.....
now I know exactly why. Good thing we had already decided that we are done.
The surgeon didn't know my history and about the awful accident that I was in a year ago.
After the surgery he and one of my doctors were talking about it and they agreed that my uterus was damaged in the accident.
I feel better about this now. I needed a surgical birth this time.
I did try for a long time and the hospital was actually really respectful of my wishes for over 24 hours. I had three wonderful midwives try everything they knew to help me do things my way. And so when they said that it was time to give up I trusted that they were right.... and they were.
And the best part is my husband hasn't said I told you so. He refused to even think about a homebirth because he was so scared for me...he isn't anti homebirth totally, just too scared for me to try it.
I am a little sad that I never got that opportunity. But happy that I am alive and that I have a beautiful baby boy.
I am healing slowly...but surely. I am very lucky that DH is home for now and able to do everything. He does EVERYTHING with Conor. All I have to do is nurse the baby and heal.
We had a two week appt with the ped today and he has gained back his birth weight plus 4 oz. So that is happy happy. He still has some really sleepy days with nursing, but we are off the sns and he hasn't had any artificial milk in 2 days. We didn't even go through an entire small sample size can.
Conor loves Asher and is so gentle. He loves to pet his hair. He is having a little bit of a hard time adjusting...he has started hitting kids at school and therapy again. And he is getting into a little bit more mischief at home. Yesterday he lined up an entire package of stickers on the arms of my rocking chair. And then today he fingerpainted the house in chocolate frosting. I was laughing...until I saw the couch... then it cleaned up okay so I could laugh again
Hope everyone is taking care and enjoying their new babes!
Nina
Monday I had a two week follow up appt. On top of my chart was the surgical notes from the hospital. (I had a different OB than mine perform the surgery...actually is was the perinatologist who did it)
I asked for a copy of it and it was very very enlightening reading.
I really couldn't have done anything to avoid a cesarean....in fact the surgery probably saved my life.
It was a LOT worse than they originally told me.
It was more than just a ruptured uterus. If I had given birth vaginally I would have ended up with more ruptured spots and they wouldn't have been able to stop the bleeding from the popped arteries immediately.
According to the report my uterus was very scarred and damaged. It was very very thin in spots and there was no muscle or collegen left on the bottom portion where it did rupture. They couldn't find a safe spot to cut on my uterus and ended up just enlarging the rupture to pull Asher out of.
When they pulled him out my uterine arteries popped.
They had a really hard time cutting my open becuase I had lots of scar tissue. When they finally got in there they noticed that I was already starting to fill with blood.
Then the arteries popped.
It took them two hours to find and stop all the bleeding and repair my uterus.
I am lucky that I still have my uterus. I have a transverse inscision...but they had to sew my uterus up like it was a traditional vertical incision.
The exact words of the surgeon in the rport? "This was an remarkably difficult case."
WOW....just WOW!
SO when I was getting wheeled out of surgery the surgeon told me that it wouldn't be a good idea to get pregnant again.....
now I know exactly why. Good thing we had already decided that we are done.
The surgeon didn't know my history and about the awful accident that I was in a year ago.
After the surgery he and one of my doctors were talking about it and they agreed that my uterus was damaged in the accident.
I feel better about this now. I needed a surgical birth this time.
I did try for a long time and the hospital was actually really respectful of my wishes for over 24 hours. I had three wonderful midwives try everything they knew to help me do things my way. And so when they said that it was time to give up I trusted that they were right.... and they were.
And the best part is my husband hasn't said I told you so. He refused to even think about a homebirth because he was so scared for me...he isn't anti homebirth totally, just too scared for me to try it.
I am a little sad that I never got that opportunity. But happy that I am alive and that I have a beautiful baby boy.
I am healing slowly...but surely. I am very lucky that DH is home for now and able to do everything. He does EVERYTHING with Conor. All I have to do is nurse the baby and heal.
We had a two week appt with the ped today and he has gained back his birth weight plus 4 oz. So that is happy happy. He still has some really sleepy days with nursing, but we are off the sns and he hasn't had any artificial milk in 2 days. We didn't even go through an entire small sample size can.
Conor loves Asher and is so gentle. He loves to pet his hair. He is having a little bit of a hard time adjusting...he has started hitting kids at school and therapy again. And he is getting into a little bit more mischief at home. Yesterday he lined up an entire package of stickers on the arms of my rocking chair. And then today he fingerpainted the house in chocolate frosting. I was laughing...until I saw the couch... then it cleaned up okay so I could laugh again
Hope everyone is taking care and enjoying their new babes!
Nina
I am so sorry that you've been through all of this, and I just WISH things were different, y'know? I don't know if I could be as brave in your shoes. 
. You rock. Seriously.
you just put my own birth experience into perspective. It must be a great relief to know that when needed c-births are available.
