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What do formula feeding moms do?  

post #1 of 47
2/28/08 at 2:16pm
Thread Starter 
Okay, I need to understand this but I don't want to get anyone's hackles up. Please keep in mind that I ask this with the most innocent motivation.

I feed my LO breastmilk, straight from the tap, on demand. I often have a hard time finding somewhere other than the floor to sit. Many times on here, mamas characterize this as discriminatory against breastfeeding. But, what about mamas who are formula feeding? Don't they need a place to sit down, too? I wonder how not having a place to sit discriminates against nursing moms specifically and not all moms with babies still nursing and bottle feeding?
post #2 of 47
2/28/08 at 2:26pm
The discrimination comes in when there's a place to sit, but people get riled up over someone nursing there.

With older children, they're usually holding their own bottles after a certain point and might be able to just sit in the stroller with the bottle. Not bottle propping, I don't mean that, I mean a child who might also be taking sippy cups. Same aged nursing child isn't cuddling up with mama every feeding either, but will need mama to sit down.
post #3 of 47
2/28/08 at 2:31pm
Well, a lot of bottle feeding mamas prop bottles for little babies, at least when out and about, and even for those who are adamantly against bottle propping, there's little concern about letting a 5+mo hold his or her own bottle. So, bottlefed babies are often fed in their strollers, and mama doesn't need to sit down anywhere.

Plus, bottlefed babies usually eat less often, and are more likely to be on a feeding schedule- making it a lot easier to plan outings around the baby's feeding times. It's also a lot simpler to leave the baby with somebody else and go shopping alone.
post #4 of 47
2/28/08 at 2:41pm
I'm a bottle feeder (pumped breastmilk due to tongue tie) and while I agree that many moms let their babies feed themselves in a stroller or whatever, we are not all in that same boat.

That being said...you are right. Those of us who choose to hold our baby while feeding (I even go so far as to undo my shirt and do skin-to-skin) do need a nice comfy place to sit. I have used nursing rooms, dressing rooms, mall food courts.

One thing that does make it easier for me is that I don't have worry as much about positioning. For example, my little guy loves his baby bjorn (I know I know, not the best carrier as far as their hips, etc., but he LOVES it and he doesn't seem to like pouches or wraps). So...I can feed him against my chest with his head tilted up in his bjorn. I don't HAVE to get into any "right position". So in that respect, it's easier, but I still prefer to get off alone and have some one on one quiet time with him.
post #5 of 47
2/28/08 at 5:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoreThanApplesauce View Post
Okay, I need to understand this but I don't want to get anyone's hackles up. Please keep in mind that I ask this with the most innocent motivation.

I feed my LO breastmilk, straight from the tap, on demand. I often have a hard time finding somewhere other than the floor to sit. Many times on here, mamas characterize this as discriminatory against breastfeeding. But, what about mamas who are formula feeding? Don't they need a place to sit down, too? I wonder how not having a place to sit discriminates against nursing moms specifically and not all moms with babies still nursing and bottle feeding?
Not having space in which to meet the needs of your children is discriminatory (not necessarily unlawful though), regardless of which need and how one is meeting it. It is part of the culture in which we live that children are segregated and those who meet their needs are socially marginalized. So I agree that if there is no place to sit when sitting is necessary to feed, how you feed is not the issue. I have known lots of women who could nurse a child in a sling and didn't need to sit - a skill I didn't master until baby #3.

The stories here tend to implicate discrimination against breastfeeders because the response to the request for a place to nurse can come with a judgment about the propriety of nursing in public. Not always - sometimes any request for a place to sit is met with annoyance and it isn't about breastfeeding at all. Some people are just plain rude. For example, one of my earliest memories is being taught that you always give your seat on the subway to a pregnant woman or an elderly person. I find now that when I do it (as I always do), I am the only one. That seems to be about the general public not feeling an obligation to make life a little easier for someone whose life is a little harder.
post #6 of 47
2/29/08 at 3:55am
We formula fed, and babywore. If out and about, we only brought shortie (4 oz) bottles, so I could simulate the closeness of nursing in the wrap with a short bottle and close chest to chest contact... but that's just us...
post #7 of 47
2/29/08 at 4:19am
I fed on demand and hated bottle propping, so it was a problem. My baby didn't like cold formula either, so trying to find somewhere to heat the bottle was a major pain. I also hated leaving her with anyone.

I did my best to avoid shoppign when she was likely to get hungry, but sometimes, that didn't work. I remember once I went to a major sale. I had planned out the very least likely time for her to eat, (she was like 2 months old). A few minutes in she was screaming to be fed. No car to go to, (we got dropped off). No where to sit down. Very crowded, so it took a bit to even get anywhere other than the aisle we were on. So I mixed up a bottle,she had to settle for a room temp bottle propped up. In about 3 minutes, I got to the end of the aisle and my mom stayed with her and held the bottle for her. I was sure people thought I was a horrible mom for shopping at feeding time. But well, I was sure it woudln't be her feeding time.

Not sure what a nursing mom would do. Someone who could nurse in a sling or wrap would be fine, or like the woman I saw in Walmart who could hold her baby with one arm while nursing. I couldn't do that with a bottle.

In general, my town isn't that baby fiorendly as far as having plasces to feed babies. I remember trying to nurse at the mall. They had this tiny closet of a baby room, with a VERY uncomfortable bench. It was beyond awful. Now I have no issue with NIP, but I never got to where I could do that.

I actually gave her a bottle in a washroom once, as the sink there was the only place to heat it, and by the time I got it warm, she was screaming so bad, I sat in a chair and fed her right there. I did move out into the mall as soon as she calmed down.

Places like the mall where I could sit down to feed her were great,other than trying to find a place to heat the bottle.
post #8 of 47
2/29/08 at 8:16am
This question presents a good point. So much of our culture is "anti-mom". A lot of time this presents more of a problem for breast-feeding/AP moms(and dads), but if ALL parents could pull together to build a culture that values nurturing of children above increasing the profit margin, EVERY child would benefit. And I believe a lot more moms would see the inherent social value of BF.
Formula feeding is more socially acceptable because it causes less disruption to "productivity".
post #9 of 47
2/29/08 at 2:39pm
Yes they do, generally. I bottlefed DS1. I never ever propped the bottle. And he never held his own. I would sit on a bench somewhere and hold it for him.
post #10 of 47
2/29/08 at 2:44pm
I exclusively pumped for a while before the switch to formula (medical issues) so we used bottles from the beginning. One of us could carry him & hold a bottle. I don't see the need to sit to feed a baby. People do it walking around all the time when BF or FF. Once he got to a certain age he wanted to hold his own bottle. He's quite independent. We never propped them. He just took over. At 14mo he still gets an occasional bottle & holds it himself. He would have a royal fit If I tried to touch it.
post #11 of 47
2/29/08 at 2:53pm
I EP for dd. I used to bottle feed her while she was in the mei tai while walking. No need to stop and sit. We never bottle propped. Is it really that common? I only saw that done once in real life. Now she is 28 months old so she doesn't need ebm on a fairly short trip. She still prefers to be held while she has her ebm in a sippy.

I am also nursing ds from the tap. I have nursed ds in a ring sling once and in the mei tai once and found it very difficult and he was NOT happy about it. I find it easier to bottle feed on the go since positioning isn't as much of an issue.
post #12 of 47
2/29/08 at 3:09pm
I haven't tried to bottle-feed with the baby in a sling yet, but I try to practice bottle nursing even in public. If that means we sit on the floor, then we sit on the floor. I still try to feed on cue, never tried to schedule her (although she seems to have regulated herself). In Wal-mart the other day I went into the on site McDonalds which was actually nice, and got the farthest seat from everyone so we could eat and cuddle peacefully. I honestly think in our current culture that it makes an impression on people to see a mom giving utomst attention to feeding her baby with love and affection whether from breast or bottle, but that's going off topic.

I think any MDC moms that are ff or bottle feeding ebm for whatever reason are probably doing their utmost to give their babies the attention they need while feeding and may be facing the same frustrations with (clean) places to sit and nourish their babies.
post #13 of 47
2/29/08 at 4:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajake View Post
Not having space in which to meet the needs of your children is discriminatory (not necessarily unlawful though), regardless of which need and how one is meeting it. It is part of the culture in which we live that children are segregated and those who meet their needs are socially marginalized. So I agree that if there is no place to sit when sitting is necessary to feed, how you feed is not the issue. I have known lots of women who could nurse a child in a sling and didn't need to sit - a skill I didn't master until baby #3.

The stories here tend to implicate discrimination against breastfeeders because the response to the request for a place to nurse can come with a judgment about the propriety of nursing in public. Not always - sometimes any request for a place to sit is met with annoyance and it isn't about breastfeeding at all. Some people are just plain rude. For example, one of my earliest memories is being taught that you always give your seat on the subway to a pregnant woman or an elderly person. I find now that when I do it (as I always do), I am the only one. That seems to be about the general public not feeling an obligation to make life a little easier for someone whose life is a little harder.

I totally agree -- since having a child, I noticed just how much our society hates children. We pretend to love them, but all of the attention fed their way is in the hope of pacification or distraction or convenience (strollers, toys, clothes, etc. -- not that there's anything wrong with those things in and of themselves). Most people don't even open doors for me when I have the baby with me. More often than not, I have to dart out into the crosswalk because 4, 5, 6 cars will pass, seeing that I have to cross, and ignore me. Or I will get GLARED at. I also get dirty looks when my baby is crying in public. So what the hell. It's not just about NIP, that's for sure. It's about the hatred of the inconvenience of children.
post #14 of 47
2/29/08 at 5:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoTwo View Post
Yes they do, generally. I bottlefed DS1. I never ever propped the bottle. And he never held his own. I would sit on a bench somewhere and hold it for him.
: Ds was exclusively bottle feed from the second week on and this was most definitely true for us. He never expressed an interest in holding the bottle and we never propped the bottle. If he had to be fed when we were out and about we always needed a place to sit down.
post #15 of 47
2/29/08 at 5:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MilkTrance View Post
I totally agree -- since having a child, I noticed just how much our society hates children. We pretend to love them, but all of the attention fed their way is in the hope of pacification or distraction or convenience (strollers, toys, clothes, etc. -- not that there's anything wrong with those things in and of themselves). Most people don't even open doors for me when I have the baby with me. More often than not, I have to dart out into the crosswalk because 4, 5, 6 cars will pass, seeing that I have to cross, and ignore me. Or I will get GLARED at. I also get dirty looks when my baby is crying in public. So what the hell. It's not just about NIP, that's for sure. It's about the hatred of the inconvenience of children.
I noticed those things, too. The glares you get when you have a crying baby or *gasp* a tantruming toddler. People letting doors slam on you/your stroller. People darting in front of you. The glares you get when you are trying to put your groceries on the counter, your baby is crying and you are trying to hold onto your toddler who is trying to run away. You get people loudly sighing then as your coin purse then spills on the floor and you have to pick it up. How about some help instead of the glares and sighs?
post #16 of 47
2/29/08 at 5:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MilkTrance View Post
... It's not just about NIP, that's for sure. It's about the hatred of the inconvenience of children.
^so true. and so sad
post #17 of 47
2/29/08 at 6:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MilkTrance View Post
I totally agree -- since having a child, I noticed just how much our society hates children. We pretend to love them, but all of the attention fed their way is in the hope of pacification or distraction or convenience (strollers, toys, clothes, etc. -- not that there's anything wrong with those things in and of themselves). Most people don't even open doors for me when I have the baby with me. More often than not, I have to dart out into the crosswalk because 4, 5, 6 cars will pass, seeing that I have to cross, and ignore me. Or I will get GLARED at. I also get dirty looks when my baby is crying in public. So what the hell. It's not just about NIP, that's for sure. It's about the hatred of the inconvenience of children.


Absolutely!! This was what happened to me when my dc were younger and it really hurt and infuriated me, this is why I will always hold a door open for usually a woman with a pushchair, and people in general,after having so many slammed in my face. I was struggling with my eldest many moons ago and I couldn't get the pushchair and all my shopping bags which were on the handles round the darn door and every last person acted as though I was holding the door open for them, basically climbing over my dc ,disgusting. I even had some men sneer intimidatingly at me just as I walked along with my dd in the pushchair, out and out misogyny, I turned round and said 'yes?' as in what are you sneering at me for, but hey, I already knew just didn't want him getting away with it. I have challenged misogynist men in the street and they have become aggressiveIt sickens me women are still being subjected to this, people are becoming more ignorant if thats even poss. I totally think people hate children really and the big show of pretending to adore them is just a vaccuos self-indulgent caper, not everyone's like that tho.
post #18 of 47
2/29/08 at 10:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by cognito View Post
I exclusively pumped for a while before the switch to formula (medical issues) so we used bottles from the beginning. One of us could carry him & hold a bottle. I don't see the need to sit to feed a baby. People do it walking around all the time when BF or FF. Once he got to a certain age he wanted to hold his own bottle. He's quite independent. We never propped them. He just took over. At 14mo he still gets an occasional bottle & holds it himself. He would have a royal fit If I tried to touch it.

Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but becasue you can feed a baby without sitting down, anyone can? The rare times nursing worked at all, I was able to nurse walking around, but I can't really mange a bottle & baby standing up.
post #19 of 47
2/29/08 at 10:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelcat View Post
Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but becasue you can feed a baby without sitting down, anyone can? The rare times nursing worked at all, I was able to nurse walking around, but I can't really mange a bottle & baby standing up.
I agree. It's really hard to feed standing up. Mainly just cause my arms get tired.
post #20 of 47
2/29/08 at 10:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelcat View Post
Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but becasue you can feed a baby without sitting down, anyone can? The rare times nursing worked at all, I was able to nurse walking around, but I can't really mange a bottle & baby standing up.
I was just saying that *I* don't see a need for sitting down, but that is my personal experience. It could definitely be different for others or depend on the situation. The title of the post was "What do formula feeding moms do?" & as a former formula feeding mom I answered with what I did. I never said anything bad about people who do sit down or that something was wrong with it.
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