My Son's exsistance (and intact status) makes me feel weird about my husband's circ'd status... - Page 2

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by annakiss

I read it on a website awhile back, the same time I found the foreskin coverage index, but now I can't remember where. It was my understanding and not something he looked into. There is no skin loose for stretching, so I'm not sure I understand how it would work.

Hey many not have any skin left for a device, or taping, but he can do manual so that he can slowly start to gain skin movement and then have loose skin.

You can PM me if you want more info as well.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by annakiss

I looked at that last sentence too and I guess assumed that she didn't really want to feel this way and still loved her husband. I imagined that it was more a feeling of sadness about the circ, but that it was somewhat separate from her feelings for her husband, just that it was occupying her brain and interrupting intimacy. I assumed this because that's how it was for me.

There were a few days where I was really upset about the circ not that long ago, but it wasn't really about my husband and thus couldn't likely result in resentment towards him.

:

I think she put it really well.

[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by Greg B

I have never heard of a circ that is too tight to restore in 7 years of researching as I restore.

I'll agree with that. Men who have extremely tight circumcisons have successfully restored. These are men who have had up to 1.5" of their erection held inside their pubic mound and men who have actually had the skin on their penis split from the tension.

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[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by annakiss

I read it on a website awhile back, the same time I found the foreskin coverage index, but now I can't remember where. It was my understanding and not something he looked into. There is no skin loose for stretching, so I'm not sure I understand how it would work.

This was my case and I successfully restored. My skin sleeve was so short that an erection would pull the coronal groove almost flat, my meatus would stand open and my entire penis would take on a whitish color similar to pressing on a fingernail probably from the blood vessels collapsing under the tension.

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[veganf]

I feel the same way. He doesn't wish to restore, so I just try not to think about it too much. But sometimes it's really hard to look at and not have angry and sad feelings.

[Juvysen]

I'm certainly not resenting him for it. It's not his fault! And as long as I don't look at it during sex it's no big deal, but oral stuff is difficult for me to do anymore because I end up thinking about the scar and stuff (because he has a fairly tight circ and it's obvious). It's just not that easy to "ignore it and move on" or whatever. It's not really interrupting our sex life, in general, though - the kids are a MUCH bigger interruption. And I don't turn him down because it bothers me or anything like that, but it *does* enter my mind sometimes and that makes me uncomfortable and sad.

I wish he would restore, but he's not interested.

[Lorette]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

My husband was completely on board with not circ'ing once I explained thoroughly that it's unnecessary and all that... But now, dealing with my son's diapers daily and all that, just makes his penis the obvious normal... which makes my husband's look weird... and it kinda makes me sad. Anyone else feel this way? Any tips on how to get past this? I've been having a hard time feeling comfortable doing intimate things we used to do because I end up thinking about how his penis was mutilated. :cry:

I know what you mean. I feel so lucky that my dh has a natural penis. All the other penises I've ever seen have been circ'd. Of course we left our son's penis uncut. I feel so thankful everyday that both my guys are whole. I know it would bother me if my dh were circ'd.
Even though I know my dh and I will be together forever sometimes I wonder what would happen if I was ever single again. I think I would have to ask my date if he had a natural or circ'd penis on the first date

Lorette

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

My husband was completely on board with not circ'ing once I explained thoroughly that it's unnecessary and all that... But now, dealing with my son's diapers daily and all that, just makes his penis the obvious normal... which makes my husband's look weird... and it kinda makes me sad. Anyone else feel this way? Any tips on how to get past this? I've been having a hard time feeling comfortable doing intimate things we used to do because I end up thinking about how his penis was mutilated. :cry:

WOW, all I can say to OP is that I literally could have written the same exact post, i haven't read the other comments yet, but am about to now...

[tammyswanson]

That is what happened to me too. After DS was born and we would have sex, the awful realization that my DH had to go through that as a baby stayed on my mind...I told my DH I felt bad he had to go though that. He said he didn't remember it, but still. I think it programs males to become more violent as they grow up. He can get a bad temper..wooh.... Plus just because someone doesn't remember something doesn't make it 'ok', otherwise those sicko dentists that molest their patients when they are under anesthesia would not have problems when they get found out.

[mrsfrazier]

Originally Posted by Lorette

I know what you mean. I feel so lucky that my dh has a natural penis. All the other penises I've ever seen have been circ'd. Of course we left our son's penis uncut. I feel so thankful everyday that both my guys are whole. I know it would bother me if my dh were circ'd.
Even though I know my dh and I will be together forever sometimes I wonder what would happen if I was ever single again. I think I would have to ask my date if he had a natural or circ'd penis on the first date

Lorette

I feel lucky too, my dh is intact....i think i would feel just like the OP if dh weren't. I know my dad is so happy we decided not to circ ds, he is really upset that circumcision is a choice not made by the person it affects most

[annakiss]

My husband is restoring!

[Greg B]

Originally Posted by annakiss

I read it on a website awhile back, the same time I found the foreskin coverage index, but now I can't remember where. It was my understanding and not something he looked into. There is no skin loose for stretching, so I'm not sure I understand how it would work.

Restoring does not require a certain amount of skin. The way it works is by applying tension. The tension creates conditions within the skin that induces cell division. The cell division adds new skin cells and thus grows additional skin. As well as the nerves and muscles, of course.

At any rate, as long as a man can put his skin under enough tension for enough time, his skin will grow. It really is that simple. But of course not so easy in practive.

Regards

[Greg B]

Originally Posted by annakiss

My husband is restoring!

Super!

Best wishes!

Regards

[Juvysen]

Originally Posted by annakiss

My husband is restoring!

Any tips on talking a man into trying that?

[annakiss]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

Any tips on talking a man into trying that?

I don't know. I just sorta talked about it and my feelings about circ around him and he wanted to see the info himself. I think when I read the 10 ways that circ hurts women site, I mentioned that and how I was feeling about it (it really got me upset). Then I thought that he had too tight a circ for restoration, which I'd told him as well. Then yesterday I said, "hey, I guess I was wrong - your circ isn't too tight." So he wanted to see the websites and I showed him. I didn't look at them with him. I just let him read them on his own. I didn't put any pressure on him at all.

[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

Any tips on talking a man into trying that?

The problem is that restoration is a long and tedious process that takes substantial committment. If the man is not on board with it and does not believe it will produce a substantial benefit for him, he is not likely to have the committment to run the full mile and will give up after only a few weeks of trying and it usually takes several months to start seeing results.

You can put the information before him and let him investigate it himself but if he does not believe he will benefit and does not have the committment to follow it through, it simply will not happen. This does not mean he doesn't love you enough. Most circumcised men have thoroughly satisfying orgasms and simply do not understand or believe that there are an entire range of sensations that are gained by restoring. They will actually assert that their sexual experience couldn't be any better and if it were, they couldn't stand it. In fact, there are a range of sexual sensations that come well before orgasm that they have never experienced and since they haven't experienced them, they can't comprehend that they exist.

As an example, some animals can see light in the ultra-violet and infra-red color spectrum but humans can not. If I were to tell you that if you were to tape deep purple, heavy lenses over your eyes every day, all day long for 3 years you would be able to see the ultra-violent and infra-red colors, you would probably think I am a kook. You'd think you could see colors perfectly fine and had no need to see this wider range of colors. You would certainly be resistant to walking around with these lenses taped to your face. It's the same situation with men who are circumcised. Does that make sense?

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[Greg B]

Originally Posted by annakiss

I don't know. I just sorta talked about it and my feelings about circ around him and he wanted to see the info himself. I think when I read the 10 ways that circ hurts women site, I mentioned that and how I was feeling about it (it really got me upset). Then I thought that he had too tight a circ for restoration, which I'd told him as well. Then yesterday I said, "hey, I guess I was wrong - your circ isn't too tight." So he wanted to see the websites and I showed him. I didn't look at them with him. I just let him read them on his own. I didn't put any pressure on him at all.

What she said!

If it were me, this would work well I believe. Just discuss what YOU find and feel and wonder about. Let him take it at his pace.

As was said, this is a long process. I have been at it for 7 years, and have longer to go. so it takes some dedication and persistence.

The good thing is you will likely improve sex in the first month or so. At least that is how it worked for me and my doubting DW. After 3 or 4 weeks, one time in bed she just suddelny shared that intercourse was feeling a whole lot better, but could not put her finger on it. I too was realizing things were somehow feeling a lot better.

As time went on we both found that that early improvement was actually just a small improvement. And then, when I reached a threshold of skin length that allowed my skin to cover my glans without using a lot of tension, things really took off in the improved feelings department. At that point I was getting new and completely different feelings fo sexual pleasure, apparently from the movement of the skin, not any increase in sensitivity. And lubricant was no longer needed.

And it keeps getting better!

And one last point I will offer. Although it sounds extremely tedious and like it will be forever, it is not something you have to do without ever stopping. You can take a break whenever you wish. You can change methods whenever you want. You can fit it into your lifestyle however works best for you. And you are the one to decide how long you need to do this to achieve what you wish.

As an example, I only tape up on the weekdays. I take the weekends and any out of town trips that come up as rest periods form restoring. In addition, I take May and June, sometimes into August off. No problem.

Regards

[Juvysen]

Interesting to know!

I have tried mentioning it... just what I've been reading about. He acts uncharacteristicly uninterested in what I have been reading or have to say about it (if it were, say, any other topic he had no interest in, he'd at least be acting interested, I guess, usually). I take this to mean that he's defensive about it. eh... I guess now's not the right time. I'll just keep things casual and periodic and see if anything changes as we go...

[Nathan1097]

Originally Posted by annakiss

My husband is restoring!

Okay... OT, but....

I have been on MDC since 1998. My old user name got deleted and I got this one in 2001, so the post count is a bit off... Still. How in the WORLD do you have 15,500 posts?!?!

[Kyamo]

For me, it's not that I'm bothered by the appearance of his penis, its that I wonder what we're missing out on. I had no problem bringing up the topic of his future son's penis, and he was pretty easily convinced that it's unecessary, but I am afraid to even bring up the topic of restoration, because I don't want him feeling self-concious or inadequate about his penis.