or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Understanding Circumcision › My Son's exsistance (and intact status) makes me feel weird about my husband's circ'd status...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

My Son's exsistance (and intact status) makes me feel weird about my husband's circ'd status... - Page 3

post #41 of 51
Well, for me, if you just brought it up like any other subject. You know, like:

"Did you see this? Do you think it is really true?"

"Listen to this...."

"This sounds crazy, what do you think...."


And then let the conversation go from there. Just exploring things, not trying to convince someone.

At least that would work for me. YMMV.

Regards
post #42 of 51
Thread Starter 
I think he's annoyed that I'm even looking into it anymore after we've already made our decision about our son (and defended ourselves to his parents who were quite upset)... I need to take a break for now, but I think you're right... it's a good way to go. I'll give it some time and then try that
post #43 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan1097 View Post
Okay... OT, but....

I have been on MDC since 1998. My old user name got deleted and I got this one in 2001, so the post count is a bit off... Still. How in the WORLD do you have 15,500 posts?!?!
There's a whole thread about this in TAO: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=855872

I don't have the most posts. Not even close. I'm not even in the top 10 anymore.
post #44 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juvysen View Post
I've heard that as you get older, though, menopause and all, it can be helpful to make sex more comfortable through dryness issues and such...
i experience problems with dh's circed penis even though i'm not anywhere near menopause (i'm 21)...i'm certain part of it has to do with hormones, as it hurts at times, is uncomfortable at others, and is completely fine at yet other times. it isn't just dryness issues though and i have tried talking to dh about restoring and he's absolutely not interested. i'm fairly positive that he thinks that the problem is entirely mine. it makes me really sad and it contributes to us having sex less often, cuz i have no idea if it will hurt *this* time or not.
post #45 of 51
I'm having these same issues, which are compounded by the fact that I allowed him to pressure me into having our son circumcised (before I knew better, but still just felt wrong about it). Ages ago, before we even started TTC, I talked to him about the vulvar pain I had every time we have sex. I always thought it was something wrong with ME. Only now that I know more about circumcision am I realizing it probably isn't me at all. It was hard enough to bring it up then. I know I should bring it up now, but I don't want him to feel like I think he's not "good enough" the way he is.

Could the PP who mentioned the site on how circ hurts women post the URL? I'd be VERY interested to see it.
post #46 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by annakiss View Post
There's a whole thread about this in TAO: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=855872

I don't have the most posts. Not even close. I'm not even in the top 10 anymore.
OK, Anna...I'm highly flattered that you linked to my thread. :

Good luck in your husband's restoration. Talking as a woman whose DH started restoring from a typical midwestern tight circ I can say both you and DH will definitely notice some good things happening...
post #47 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertpenguin View Post
i'm fairly positive that he thinks that the problem is entirely mine.

Herein lies the problem. He's not hurting, you're hurting and the conclusion is that it's your fault. If he were hurting, it would be his fault. That's a logical conclusion given the situation but it is the wrong conclusion. I can't plead innocence here either. I've had many lovers and a good many of them were in the same situation you're in. As a matter of fact, my last was not on board with me at all with my intactivism and restoration but she did agree that there was a substantial improvement after my restoration.


Quote:
it makes me really sad and it contributes to us having sex less often, cuz i have no idea if it will hurt *this* time or not.

Yes, absolutely! Each episode of pain makes an indelible mark on your subconcious and makes you fear the next time will also result in pain. With each subsequent session that is painful, the mark on your subconcious becomes bolder and bolder and eventually, you begin to associate intercourse with pain. When you get to that point, it is only natural that the frequency will fall off. With the aforementioned lover, our frequency almost doubled after I restored and it wasn't me that was driving that increased frequency, it was her. She had gained an entirely new appreciation of intimacy and wanted more. Who the heck was I to complain? I just knuckled down and got the job done!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Otterella
Ages ago, before we even started TTC, I talked to him about the vulvar pain I had every time we have sex. I always thought it was something wrong with ME. Only now that I know more about circumcision am I realizing it probably isn't me at all.

My exDW had this pain and I believe it went a long way toward bringing our marriage down. I suspect she was especially sensitive and also suspect that also caused lubrication problems that compounded the problem. Of course we both thought it was something wrong with her but now I wonder what it would have been if I had not been circumcised. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I could do a "do over" with all my previous lovers.


Quote:
It was hard enough to bring it up then. I know I should bring it up now, but I don't want him to feel like I think he's not "good enough" the way he is.
Maybe you could give him a link to this thread or just leave this thread up when you know he will be using the computer.

.
post #48 of 51
Thread Starter 
Well, last night I decided to just lay it out on the table as a "when we get older I don't want to hurt when we're having sex" angle... he said "ok" and I asked if he'd at least look into restoration and what it takes and what the pros and cons (if there are cons beyond the effort it takes) are and he agreed. soooo... I guess at least it's some minor movement toward something happening.
post #49 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juvysen View Post
I asked if he'd at least look into restoration and he agreed. soooo...
So you might have him read this man's story as a start:

http://xrl.us/ForeskinRestorationStory
.
post #50 of 51
I've got to pop in with Doug's Manual Restoration Site

This is a very good intro to restoring, without devices, and you can do them with your partner. It helped me become familiar with my hubby again, and I very quickly stopped worrying that sex was going to hurt because I could touch him, without the expectation of sex. In just a few months, he has grown enough skin that sex is no longer painful. I am really amazed that manual stretching works so well. Especially since DH was circ'ed so that there was no slack skin... now, it actually bunches a little

And really, what man can resist "Honey, can I play with your penis? It's supposed to make sex better for both of us." :
post #51 of 51
Thread Starter 
Thanks! I'll pass it on, and hopefully he won't be annoyed
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Understanding Circumcision
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Understanding Circumcision › My Son's exsistance (and intact status) makes me feel weird about my husband's circ'd status...