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would you tell? - Page 8

post #141 of 157
Originally Posted by Demeter9 View Post
I would not give a rat's patootie if someone confidentially took my DH aside and informed him I was going for lunch with some men.
Nor would I. But I don't live in a bubble. And people gossip. So what was once having lunch with another man suddenly turns into many different incorrect stories being spread. And once those incorrect stories are out there, it's pretty darn hard to stop them, not to mention setting the record straight.
post #142 of 157
If I were concerned, I would talk to the coworker. if you have the need or desire to go straight to the DH, you should just direct it at the coworker.

I had an affair, and hindsight being what it is- I wish now that someone would have seen me and confronted me. I was at a pretty low point in my life and could have really used a wake up call. I was living in some "risque fantasy" that I was delusional enough to buy into.

Depression does funny things to people. Plus, you have no idea what her husband is like, or what her emotional/mental state is.

I would reach out to her. Be her friend. Tell her that you are concerned for her, you saw her in a mans car and want to know if she is okay, or needs a NON JUDGMENTAL ear to talk to. Help her- if you feel so inclined to get involved.
post #143 of 157
Originally Posted by Nikel1979 View Post
Nor would I. But I don't live in a bubble. And people gossip. So what was once having lunch with another man suddenly turns into many different incorrect stories being spread. And once those incorrect stories are out there, it's pretty darn hard to stop them, not to mention setting the record straight.
Gossip is WAY different than approaching one of the individuals involved directly. I never advocating people gossiping ad nauseum about anything. After a concerned person talks directly with one of the specific involved individuals the issue is done.

Gossip serves an entirely different social function, and I would not and do not advocate it.
post #144 of 157
It's interesting to me to see how invested some people are in continuing to hammer on their individual point of view.

I'm sure that we're all biased on this subject for any number of reasons.

To the OP, I would try to honestly answer the question that has been asked here already... what is your motivation in this? Honestly, to me, it doesn't sound like your motives are completely altruistic, but maybe *I'm* reading more into the situation (as I suspect that you are.) If you're genuinely concerned & are reasonably close to the co-worker, then by all means go ahead and ask her about it. Otherwise, I think that your best line of action would be to keep your mouth shut until/unless you have some real evidence that there is actually anything going on.

Oh & that whole bit about the house & the implants... irrelevant at best & at worst, showing your bias against her and your feelings towards him.
post #145 of 157
I have removed several posts from this thread. Please keep this article from the UA in mind when you are posting:

Do not post to a thread to take direct issue with a member. If you feel a member has posted or behaved inappropriately in a discussion, communicate directly with the member, moderator or administrator privately and refrain from potentially defaming discussion in a thread.

Thank you.
post #146 of 157
Originally Posted by Lia & Eva's Mama View Post
my co-worker is having an affair. her husband adores her and is buying her a 400,000 dollar dreamhouse. he bought her breast implants too which some other guy is enjoying. she left the shop saying she was going out for lunch and when i went out back to throw away the garbage i saw her in the "other guys car".
now is this none of my buisness or should i tell the hubby to have her investigated??
You know... I wouldn't tell. Honestly... it's between them, it's their business. I mean for all you know the husband already knows. He might ALSO be having one. Maybe they're swingers.

I just really hate people intruding on my OWN privacy... I wouldn't do it to someone else.

post #147 of 157
Based on the information you have currently, I would not tell. If I saw something more conclusive (like them making out), then I would consider telling anonymously. My theory is this, if they have an open marriage or they "swing" and her husband was given information that she might be "cheating" he would already know all about it. It would only be a problem if she was actually cheating. And, again, I would need more solid evidence than what you've described so far.

But, my view is colored by what happened with my parents. My father cheated on my mother for over a year before she found out and they are now divorced and he is married to the woman he cheated with-- which makes family occasions oh so enjoyable. I have seen everything my mom's gone through (this all happened when I was 23) and experienced my own feelings of betrayal. Adultery is just not something I find excusable.
post #148 of 157
It is possible, also, that she is suspicious of her husband's gestures and is having him investigated, but wants to keep that secret? She might have been meeting aprivate investigator in the car.

Who knows?
post #149 of 157
HOLY COW I just read through the entire thread... and... .... seriously, is that IT? They were sitting in a car TALKING?

Me doing this with a guy, and the rumors that came out of it, was what convinced my then-partner ( NOW EX ) that I was cheating ~ enough that HE went out and started an affair, including bringing the chica back and screwing her in our bed . And the rumor mill most definitely got started ~~ one of my neighbors convinced another of my neighbors that my dd wasn't MINE at all, but this other girl's, and that my ex was making me raise the kid because they didn't want it...

Seriously, once people start talking smack you never know WHAT is going to come of it. (Eventually the other neighbor only finally believed my dd was mine when I showed her the photos from our homebirth ~~ pre-placenta birth, umbilical cord still attaching me to my little one )

I think choli. had a good point, also ~ I would seriously doubt the motives of the teller. Especially in this case, where it sounds like this guy is pretty well-off... I mean, if I were the tellee I'd be pretty suspicious of the teller's intentions.

I also stand by my previous statement ~ that it's nobody's business but theirs. And while I see Demeter's point ~~ I just can't get behind it. If they want to screw around, and if someone ends up getting hurt, even physically as a result... well, it's still not my problem. Adults make choices and sometimes their choices are bad ones. I also think that affairs do not immediately equal unsafe sex.
post #150 of 157
OP, have you asked your co-worker about it?
post #151 of 157
Sounds to me like the OP might have some designs on the DH in question...
I certainly don't think there is enough "evidence" to prove an affair, and even if there was, I think the OP should MYOB until she knows more about the situation. There are just too many unknowns here. I, too think you should actually ask your coworker before jumping to wild, potentially disastrous conclusions.
post #152 of 157
Just sitting in the car? For real, that is it? When I was working (before ds came along!), I had male friends pick me up from work pretty frequently. I love my guy friends. We had a great group of friends, males and females, and there were several times that we all crashed in one room together at someone's house. I even did that without DH there with me, and he was fine with it. I drink (without DH if he's not around/busy/working/whatever) with my guy friends, go out to restaurants with them, movies, etc...and it is all 100% totally platonic.

I really would not stir up trouble if the only "evidence" is sitting in a car with a guy.
post #153 of 157
That is not nearly enough evidence to warrant telling the husband. It could be a million different things.
post #154 of 157
Originally Posted by becoming View Post
Do you absolutely know for sure she's having an affair?
I have to agree...only because if I let the cat out of the bag, my luck is that it would be a huge mistake and I'd end up looking like an idiot...even more so than usual. If you do decide to do something make sure you KNOW what you arre talking about.
post #155 of 157
If we were friends I'd tell or at least leave some serious clues.
post #156 of 157
Her husband is not buying her a house. They are buying a house. He did not pay for her boob job. They paid for her boob job.

And neither of these things are relevant to whether or not she is having an affair, and whether or not it is your place to tell on her (which imo it is most certainly not.)

post #157 of 157
I wouldn't say anything. Especially if you are not 100% sure.

For about 6 months I was working overnights, and my hubby worked 2nd shift at the same place. I spent a lot of my break time at work with another 3rd shift guy that I will call D., we are very good friends. We weren't doing anything but sitting together on breaks (and this includes sitting in the same car when it's cold outside since we are smokers and can't sit inside) but it seems like everyone at work thought we were having an affair. I sometimes wish that my coworkers would use their heads a little more than their immaginations. Point is, just because she is spending time with or going to lunch with a guy doesn't really mean that they are having sex.

Now, my hubby knows all about D. and that I spend time at work with him, in fact they are friends, but immagine what would've hit the fan if he didn't know who D was and someone from work told him that I was having an affair with D?
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