I'm lonely

[catholicmama]

We moved from a HUGE diverse homeschooling area(Maryland/D.C.) to West Virginia. Now, there are homeschoolers here, I think like 300 some kids in my local 2-county area. BUT I just don't fit in. Since I am Catholic, I am not "Christian" enough to be in the groups around here(and we have NO inclusive groups that are active). I join them, but don't participate any more b/c often my kids or I are put on the spot about our "not-Christian" enough religion. It is very fundamentalist/evangelical around here. I would bet 99% of who I've met having living here 2+ years falls into that category. NOW, I have NO issue with them whatsoever- it is them who have issue with me. I've been told their kids can't play with my kids. I haven't quite figured it out. I don't bring up what denomination I am- but they ALWAYS ask, want to know where we go to church... and when I tell them, I get the SAME every time "Oh" and they normally turn away.

So... I don't fit in with the homeschoolers. And I can't hang out much with my non-homeschooling friends, b/c they send their big kids to public school and then do fun mom things with their babies/toddlers during the day while we do school.

I desperately want some homeschooling friends to hang out with for my sake and my childrens' sake. I mean there must be SOME out there who want to be friends with me even though I'm Catholic, right? LOL

I'm not sure why I'm even posting this. I guess it hit me tonight just how alone I feel here. We have no family here so we don't even have that support.
We've always homeschooled and I am committed to it. I feel like it is what my family should be doing- but I am just so lonely and I think my kids are too.

Edited to add: I WISH this wasn't a religion thing. I don't want it to be one, ya know?!?! I just want friends who believe in homeschooling and they can be any religion/non religion they want, ya know? I don't care! I just want to be accepted for who I am(and I would NEVER try to convert someone... I just want to allowed to be who I am, and want people who want to be able to be who they are, ya know?)

[CherryBomb]

Have you been able to find *any* Catholic homeschoolers out there? If there's no group but you can find enough interest, maybe you could start one?

We're going to be homeschooling starting next year, and I was very lucky to find a Catholic hs group here. I understand what you mean, most of the hs groups are *very* fundamentalist/evangelical and not Catholic friendly at all.

[catholicmama]

Can you believe there are NO Catholic homeschoolers here. LOL I've been looking asking around for 2 years and 3 months now. NONE WHATSOEVER. I don't understand how this is even possible! My sister lives in Dayton, Ohio(3+ hours from here) and there are TONS of Catholic homeschoolers! And where we moved from - TONS of Catholic homeschoolers. But here- NONE.

I'd be happy with anyone at this point who isn't ANTI Catholic LOL. But that seems impossible to find.

sigh

[LukesMum]

wow...how sad is that? I also feel very isolated at times but because we live in the Middle East and there are only about 5 of us homeschooling here! They are also fundamentalist christians but they have been very sweet and loving to my family--we are so NOT fundamentalists. Im a yoga teacher who has studied many religions. I am spiritual but not religious. Im lucky to hav these ladies. When I says something very off the wall...they just laugh and roll their eyes and say "what are we going to do with you?" I know they also pray for me and hey, that cant hurt.

Can you try to participate and find 1 person and try to be the "battery" in the friendship??? DOnt talk religion...maybe even tell them how you are feeling????

[JeniferS]

Aww, I'm so sorry. I just can't believe there are no other homeschoolers in your parish! Does your parish have a bulletin board or something that you could leave a note looking for any homeschoolers or anyone just thinking about homeschooling?

Or is there a larger city/town near you that you might be able to find a more inclusive group that you could hang out with once or twice a month?

[RiverSky]

That is no fun. I'm sorry you feel that way. If I were you, I would start my own homeschool group, perhaps "playgroup" for starters. You could go to meetup.com and start an "inclusive" playgroup for homeschoolers, then advertise for free in your local calendar, on MDC under Find Your Tribe perhaps, in any free parenting magazines in your area, and in your local newspaper's calendar, you can hand out flyers or leave them at the library or any businesses in the area that cater to homeschoolers and at Parks n Rec, because surely they have classes that homeschoolers might take.

My guess is that you are not the only homeschooler in the area who feels left out.

[CariOfOz]

I feel your pain I'm in a bit of the same situation...Only the hs'ing mums here hear that I don't go to church (we're Pagan) and that's where the conversation ends! Someone tried to get an 'inclusive' group going here and got about as far as setting up group classes with local music, swimming, etc agencies.. and the social aspect of things that she was so big on starting... has never materialized I've found another, larger, group here that has weekly social park days with sometimes crafts for the kids etc... crossing my fingers that the religious issue does not come up! It sounds like you might want to have a go at getting a truly inclusive group off the ground in your town because like someone else said, I'm SURE you aren't the only one out there who just doesn't 'fit' Good luck with it!

[mattemma04]

I would start up an outing group, or get a rec center membership.

When were living in Brunswick,Ohio there were catholic/christian groups and they all took in others,but it did mean some praying and religion added in at times. Thankfully nothing like what you have experienced.I am sorry your family is going through that.

We are in Youngstown Ohio now and there is a homeschooling group that is tied in with the local Salvation Army church.It seems inclusive.We go to that sometimes and are getting a Y membership. We are not religious at all and thankfully no one makes a big deal of it but even asking.

At this point I am really not caring if we are finding hs families.We just look for other people/kids to spend time with.

[catholicmama]

Originally Posted by JeniferS

Aww, I'm so sorry. I just can't believe there are no other homeschoolers in your parish! Does your parish have a bulletin board or something that you could leave a note looking for any homeschoolers or anyone just thinking about homeschooling?

Or is there a larger city/town near you that you might be able to find a more inclusive group that you could hang out with once or twice a month?

Our church has a school- an expensive school. ALL the parishioners go there. Well the few that don't go to public school. I've asked around for 2 years. The woman who runs the CCD/PREP on Sundays does not know a single one(she's been doing it for years and years, so I'd assume she'd run into one or two, trying to get 1st communion or something!!! but nope!).

I'm pretty sure a note about homeschooling would not be allowed to be hung up. They are very much wanting people to come to the school- not homeschool.

[catholicmama]

[QUOTE=mattemma04;10657750]I would start up an outing group, or get a rec center membership.


Yeah, we have a YMCA membership- haven't met anyone there. The place is normally completely empty!!

[melissabb]

Wow! That is terribly sad for everyone.

One would think that HSers would be more open minded. I would also think that there are valuable lessons to be learned from people of different faiths and denominations.

I love that my son has Christian, Jehova's Witness and Muslim friends. I think it helps to learn tolerance and be less ignorant.

I feel it is most likely THEIR loss that they do not include you in their group.

[WuWei]

Could you meet your needs for socializing in some other manner? For instance, I'm a member of the Holistic Moms Network. They are more like-minded; and yet our children are all different ages and interests. So, we meet as women (no kids), MNO and talk environmental, organics, non-vaxing, etc. I get my needs for socializing without expecting the homeschool moms to be my social network. Find folks with things in common, shared interests, other variables outside of the children/parenting. Like any ski group, book club, knitting group, investor's class, etc.

I am an extrovert. Ds and Dh are highly sensitive introverts. I also get many of my social needs met online while we are home with them getting "down time". And then on the weekend, they go out together and I get a block of time for myself.

Ds is 6.6. I started our homeschool group to meet our needs. You can read about it here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...3&postcount=36
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...61&postcount=4

We have a rich social community which I have created to meet our needs. We have a boys playdate each Monday for a couple of hours. We have "activities" and arts/craft type things to do. We have "field trips" each Tuesday where we invite the homeschooling community along. And everything is outside or self-paced. No tours and sit down work. We are out exploring the world and expanding our community. We see many of the same folks, abet without the expectations of sit and learn quietly. We have social clubs, like Legos and Drama etc. which we don't participate in at this time. But, again the community is enriched. And we have standing homeschool days (which I arranged) for swimming, roller skating, Monkey Joe's, bowling, etc. We attend those on our own schedule. So, we have plenty of opportunities to interact and experience socializing and social nuances.

I wouldn't say that the homeschool mamas are my close friends. But, we have a homeschool community which participates in activities and that meets our son's needs for social interaction. There are a few kids with which he "clicks". If you invite folks to FUN activities which are "public" and no commitment required, I trust that you will find others to spend time with. But, you might want to read "Hold On To Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers" about reframing their social needs.


HTH, Pat

[catholicmama]

Thanks everyone for your good thoughts and ideas. A few months ago, someone around here tried starting an inclusive group that got nowhere. I am still on that yahoo group. Maybe I can try to help pick it up again- see if we can actually get it to go somewhere.

I have a good amount of friends through La Leche league and a local book club. We do get together sometimes. The problem is, none of them homeschool. And sometimes it gets old hearing how "they could NEVER do it", or "they don't understand HOW I could survive with my kids all day". And stuff like that. I like my kids and I like homeschooling. I would like some homeschooling friends, b/c well, they DO get it. YES this is hard. YES sometimes I wish I could get a break.... but that this is important to me and my family. It would be nice to have some people to discuss how hard homeschooling IS sometimes, without being told to just send them to school. Does this make sense?!?!

Anyhow... obviously my original email came across as a big pity- party. I think you all would really need to see the climate here in West Virginia to understand what I am saying. I've been invited to people's house only to be put on the spot, and have them trying to "save" me and my kids. I was told it was just a playdate, but it turns into a *let me give your child a anti-Catholic chic tract to try to get you to converted to what WE believe!*. It was not like this in the D.C. area. lol

[Mama Shifra]

I also had a problem when I was homeschooling my daughter, and I felt out of it with the other homeschool groups around here because I was Jewish. Unfortunately, outside of the large metropolitan areas (where there is usually a diverse population), if you are not of the dominate group (either religiously or racially), it can be pretty lonely. I really feel for you!

Originally Posted by catholicmama

So... I don't fit in with the homeschoolers. And I can't hang out much with my non-homeschooling friends, b/c they send their big kids to public school and then do fun mom things with their babies/toddlers during the day while we do school.

Now, I know that your children are older than these kids, but maybe you could homeschool your children at night and do activities with your non-homeschooling friends during the day. You and your children may enjoy it, and the mothers with the babies may enjoy having all those extra hands to help with their babies and toddlers. I hate being inside during the day with the sun shining, so I would usually do homeschooling in the evening after supper. You can get so much more done during homeschooling (as compared to school), that you could probably compress the day into a couple of hours around dinner time/before bedtime.

Or you could do activities with your friends in the morning, homeschool in the afternoon (when your friends pick up their preschool children), and have your kids do their extra-curricular activities (scouts, sports, music, etc.) in the evening, when the school kids do their activities. That way you could have them socialize with their peers.

Good luck!
Shifra