Scared of repeat anxiety

[LovingMommy85]

Ok a little background. I am naturally a very high anxiety person. I have a history of panic attacks, that started around age 18/19 right when I started college. They got increasingly worse, until I was put on medication. I went off the medication when I found out I was pregnant with my son in 2005.

After I had my son I had about 3-4 weeks of INTENSE depression. I mean, I would sit there, hold my son, and just SOB. Of course, I was breastfeeding (and having trouble the first 6 weeks or so, but we got that ironed out) and felt very isolated and alone and like I would never be able to leave the house again.

I also had INTENSE anxiety. I would stand over his bassinet and hyperventilate because I was afraid he would stop breathing. I couldn't sleep. Couldn't walk away. I eventually remedied that a bit by co-sleeping with him until 10 months.

I'm still a high anxiety person. I was put on Effexor and Klonopin (only as an emergency, having a panic attack NEED to relax medicine). I had to go off ot them when I got pregnant with my daughter last July.

I have had several panic attacks while pregnant, and I am very anxious, especially now at 33 weeks and SCARED TO DEATH that I am going to have that intense anxiety and depression again. People tell me I have a HIGH chance of PPD and anxiety since I already had it after my son.

I'm scared to death to talk to my doctor about it, in fears that he will just automatically want to put me on meds after giving birth, despite whether or not I exhibit the signs or symptoms. I also don't want to wait until I feel that desperate again.

Any thoughts/advice? I think I have a general anxiety disorder pretty much all the time, just it seems exacerbated after giving birth.

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by LovingMommy85

I have had several panic attacks while pregnant, and I am very anxious, especially now at 33 weeks and SCARED TO DEATH that I am going to have that intense anxiety and depression again. People tell me I have a HIGH chance of PPD and anxiety since I already had it after my son.

I'm scared to death to talk to my doctor about it, in fears that he will just automatically want to put me on meds after giving birth, despite whether or not I exhibit the signs or symptoms. I also don't want to wait until I feel that desperate again.

Any thoughts/advice? I think I have a general anxiety disorder pretty much all the time, just it seems exacerbated after giving birth.

Lovingmommy, I too have generalized anxiety disorder and went on meds in the second trimester of my PG with dd2. They made a world of difference. It is such a personal choice to decide whether to go on meds or not.

You say you're afraid your doctor will want to put you on meds whether or not you exhibit any signs....but you are already exhibiting signs, are you not? With the occassional panic attacks and feeling very anxious, as you say? Perhaps it would be helpful to consider again meds as an option.

I can really relate to what you're saying about being afraid of having the depression and anxiety after your baby is born. I had anxiety probs (untreated) after dd1 was born and mood fluctuations....which led me to the psychiatrist when I was pregnant with dd2. I didn't want to put my children, spouse or myself through any more suffering due to my mood difficulties. So glad I did.

Do you trust your doctor? It seems like you're afraid he/she will make a decision and you'll have no say. Perhaps it would help to make a plan for what happens if anxiety/depression flare up after birth, what happens if they don't, and also what might be helpful to you right now during pregnancy. There are non-med related things you can do to deal with panic/anxiety. Self care stuff like yoga, meditation, exercise, nutritious eating, talking (with friends and/or in therapy), aromatherapy (like lavender), rescue remedy, etc. You can learn to catch your anxious thoughts and replace them with more realistic calming ones.

I hope you find something helpful to you. Sounds like you've tapped in to resources in the past, perhaps it's time to revisit some of the things that worked for you before, or try some new things. Keep us posted.

[LovingMommy85]

Thanks for the post. Yes I think that I may need something for the anxiety, I just hate going back on meds. But it runs in my family, as well, very strongly.

Unfortunately I am on bed rest, strict bed rest, and not allowed out of the house. So it's making me even more anxious and depressed, laying around day in and day out, with no one here during the day, and all alone. With only my thoughts to keep me company. It's not a good combination!

I usually tack up one of my horses and go for a ride when I'm feeling exceptionally anxious or depressed, but that hasn't been an option since I got pregnant last July (doctor said no horseback riding during my pregnancy). Now I can't even go out and spend a relaxing 20 minutes grooming one of the horses, because I'm on bed rest.

I think this is contributing to my anxiety and depression. It's at least exacerbating it!

I will talk to my doctor on Thursday during my regular 34 week check up, and see what he thinks and what plan(s) of action we should have in place.

The good thing is I sat my DF down last night and started crying and asked him if he remembered how I was afte I had my son...sobbing, sleepless, anxious beyond anything. He did, and I said I'm afraid of that happening again and I can already feel it building up. I can feel it coming. He was very supportive, held me, hugged me, and said that he will fully support me and there is medication I can go on to help..

He was actually more supportive than I thought he would, considering he is doubtful of medications and doctors...but that also means he must realize just HOW BAD I had it last time and he doesn't want to see me go through that again. So having him back me up and tell me he supports me 100% really helped. I can't even talk to my mom about it because she poopoos it and says I'll get over it.

[Surfacing]

Ugh being inside on bedrest can't be easy. I don't have experience with it myself but I wonder if there is a tribe on here with bedrest mamas? Also, have you seen the Pregnancy and Birth forum? Within it is a forum called I'm Pregnant, and a subforum called Due Date Clubs....check out the April 2008 mamas. Lots of fun to talk with women who are at the same stage as you!

I'm glad to hear you are going to speak with your doctor about a plan and that your df is on board with support. Your df doesn't want to see you suffering again...and it will also make things more manageable for him too if you are healthy and well after your baby is born, you know?

I'm sorry that your mom is not someone who you can talk to about anxiety/depression. It is all over my family tree too but not really understood...or talked about...

Take care of yourself and be well.