ITA with the PP. And as hard as it is, it's important to understand we cannot control our teens, and the harder we try to, the more alienated we may become from them. Instead, if we can establish good rapport and trust (not specific, but the general trust we have that they will indeed grow up and take personal responsibilty for their behavior...eventually) and in as many instances as possible help them to shoulder the responsibilty for what THEY own, they, and we, will be fine. In the meantime...well, it's been a minute since I was dealing with this particular issue, but I can say that the difference in maturity, at least for my DD rom 14 to 16 has been remarkable, indeed. Girls do tend to mature a bit earlier, and that was certainly what I saw in my two, but still; this won't last forever. I really benefited from the book by Don Dinkmeyer, et al Parent Effectiveness Training -Teens. One of the best parts of the book is a chart that helps families determine who owns a problem. Because teens often feel extremely sensitive about their personal boundaries, it helps enormously if we stay out of the stuff they truly own, and offer choices when we own the problem.
This sounds, unfortunately or not, pretty common. Teens, esp. young teens are often 'trying on' personality, character and lifestyle traits. This doesn't at all predict, necessarily, for disaster later on, KWIM? Not that this is not alarming, I do understand. But it's not deviant or all that unusual amongst teens, at all. I often say I am not sure which is worse, thinking our kids are aliens or knowing they are not!! Anyway, mama, another thing that really helps me a lot is to remember how I felt as a teen. This can help us to have compassion for their struggles. Plus, it can give us insight as to why
a situation troubles us. Not so that we accept something that we feel our kids would be best not doing, but just so we are clear about the boundaries and ownership of the problem. HTHs