advice for our first appointment at the REI clinic?

[biomama]

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for any advice about our first REI appointment, which will hopefully be soon! We are probably going to do IUI first, maybe with clomid, I don't know. We have diagnosed male factor (DH's SA showed 11 million per ml, 54% motile, which is subfertile). I have been charting and using CBEFM, and I think I ovulated last cycle, but I don't know if I always do.

I'm hoping you all can give me some advice about what to expect in the first appointment, what questions I should ask, what tests I should accept or decline?

We are paying everything out of pocket, so any cost-savings ideas are most welcome too. I have heard IUI is ~$500/cycle with clomid and ultrasound.

I'd also love to hear anyone's stories... what has this been like for you? If you have male factor infertility, how did DH deal with it? How did you support him?

Thanks in advance...

[hope4light]

We have severe male factor. DH had around 600,000, with less than 30% motile. He has had a hard time with it from the beginning, not wanting to talk to anyone about it, feeling like what we are going through has all been his fault, etc. When we started seeing our RE I think it made things a little worse, and then a lot better. He had to get over the RE calling it sever male factor, but once he did he suddenly did a 180. I think it was because he heard a doctor telling him that the picture was not bleak, that we could have a baby even with his issue's. We also found a couple that had been through IVF, and while his situation wasn't severe, he did have some sperm issue's as well. It seemed to help when he would just listen to me and her talk about the whole situation. It made him feel less alone, and I think that was a major turning point as well. He still blames himself, especially after our first round of IVF had to be cancelled. I basically just would let him get it off his chest once he started opening up a little more about it. Then I would remind him that we were in it together, and that there was no one else that I would rather go through something like this with. I don't think that there's a way you can make him feel any better other than just being there for him and reminding him that it IS NOT his fault. Nature takes it's course and there is nothing that anyone can do about it.

I would say with male factor just make sure that they let you know the odds of getting pregnant with each situation. Because our numbers were so low they recommended going right to IVF with ICSI after one round of clomid. They normally try to have 3m to 4m that are in 'working order' to do IUI, but it sounds like you guys might be a good candidate for that. Make sure you are comfortable with the RE, if he sets your teeth on edge you probably won't be happy through the process.

Questions to ask? If you have any insurance at all, see if they can give you procedure and diagnosis codes for all of the services leading up to IUI. Sometimes there will be coverage for the ultrasounds and/or blood draws. I think tests to accept or decline is a comfort level for you. They usually give you the option of doing all that genetic testing on you and DH, but of course the cost goes up dramatically. Find out what kind of time frames they make you wait for cycles. Some clinics seem to make you wait a long time, which can be more frustrating than anything.

Hang in there, and good luck. Let us all know how it goes!!!

[biomama]

Thank you so much for the reply, hope4light. I'm sorry you guys have been going through so much. I wish you the best with ICSI/IVF.

Originally Posted by hope4light

We also found a couple that had been through IVF, and while his situation wasn't severe, he did have some sperm issue's as well. It seemed to help when he would just listen to me and her talk about the whole situation. It made him feel less alone, and I think that was a major turning point as well. He still blames himself, especially after our first round of IVF had to be cancelled.

How did you find the other couple? I'm not sure DH will be willing to discuss it... he sees it as a weakness and is very private about it. He doesn't want anyone to know. We haven't told anyone, no family, no one. Except all of you! I guess if we found another couple going through the same thing, he might realize they won't tell anyone or judge us. I would love to have people IRL to discuss this with. Maybe going to the REI clinic will help, since I can talk out loud with someone other than DH about it.

Thanks for the advice about the clinic visit. I guess we'll have to see what they offer us and make our decision based on that. I was wondering for those who are further along this journey than we are, do you have to get tests done before they will even consider doing IUI w/ or w/out clomid? If yes, which tests do they require? I figure they will want to do as many tests as they can, since it's more $ for them... I don't really want to do tons of tests, if they can be avoided.

Thanks again.

[hope4light]

We actually kind of fell into this other couple. Some friends we knew (that we did not tell what we were going through) knew this couple. They invited us all out one evening, and we became fast friends - especially after finding that commen thread (they are TTC#2 w/IUI). DH and I agreed afterwards that we think they somehow knew what was going on and set us up with this couple. I have heard that a lot of clinic's will hook you up with a couple, so maybe ask your RE if they have anyone with your situation that agreed/would agree to talk about it.... maybe you can meet with them first to see if you think dh would get along with them.... opening up might come a little later. But it was night the first few times we spent time with them we didn't spend a lot of time discussing the IF aspect of our 'relationship' that came a little later and it has been, like this, a lifesaver for me and my sanity. my dh doesn't seem nearly as stressed out either. Making the decision to go ahead w/iVF also helped us both out... we stopped feeling so trapped into our probs.

Hang in there!