Nov. '05 Mamas, Marching into Spring! - Page 7

[spughy]

Well, my 2008 hasn't been awful just yet. My husband is wallowing in self-pity and a job made crappier by the imminent death by cancer of a close colleague, whose job DH has been essentially given (small pay raise and large increase in responsibility of course) and yet he is still not doing anything about getting himself a job he actually wants... my formerly angelic child has now taken separation anxiety to new heights, and has reached the point where she will not let me shower and insists on standing beside the tub screaming "MUMMY I WANT CUDDLES WITH YOU MUMMY I WANT CUDDLES WITH YOU" while I hurriedly bathe... but I'm not ready to write off the whole year just yet, it's still better than the first year of Rowan's life. And the first part of the second, actually.

Big to everyone having a rough time.

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by spughy

my formerly angelic child has now taken separation anxiety to new heights, and has reached the point where she will not let me shower and insists on standing beside the tub screaming "MUMMY I WANT CUDDLES WITH YOU MUMMY I WANT CUDDLES WITH YOU" while I hurriedly bathe...

Oh, I've soooo been there.

[DreamsInDigital]

Oh my goodness Winter is becoming SUCH a handful these days.

I deleted the rest of my ranting cuz I just need to get over it.

But I'm definitely having a tough time with him right now.

[Kavita]

Well, 2008 is okay for me thus far. I had a bit of a serious rough patch a couple of months ago and then went to MI to visit my family, and things have been a lot beter since then. I will be happy when it's spring for reals, and also happy to go to India, come back, and resume my "real" life. Although I'll probably be bummed out then because I'll wish I were back in India!! I guess for me it's such an anticipated ordeal because it is just such a different world, there is a huge culture shock going and then coming back, and between the length of the trip and the fact that it's my DH's home and we're visiting my IL's who are part of that culture, it's sort of a big adjustment and sort of requires a huge shift in consciousness, and it's just a very difficult transition to be there and then to come back. Also the last time we were there I was pretty sick for a good part of the trip. I had a rather unforgettable night in the bathroom of a train in the middle of the night somewhere between Calcutta and Delhi, watching the ground rush by through the hole beneath me for about an hour--seriously DH came looking for me because I was gone so long that he wondered what the heck had happened to me. Luckily I was apparently one of the only people on the train that cared to use the "Western" bathroom (ie a typical US toilet over an open hole in the bottom of the train, not a squatting platform over a hole in the train that is the "Indian" bathroom.) Speaking of this--DH told me the other day that he read an article in the Indian press about a woman who had given birth precipitiously in such a bathroom on a train somewhere in India, and the baby fell through the hole in the toilet onto the train tracks, but somehow miraculously the train actually passed over without harming the baby at all and the baby was rescued and returned to the mother, and now thousands are flocking to that village to see the miracle baby. Crazy, huh?!

Whoops, crying baby suddenly awake . . . .

[DreamsInDigital]

Kavita I remember reading about that! What a crazy welcome to the world huh?

I discovered something today amongst my woes with Winter. I really miss nursing him. I can't nurse him right now, his latch is just so bad I couldn't bear the pain, but I feel like we're really missing that connection lately. He is such a good snuggler but the only time he ever wanted to snuggle with me was for a boob. And now he won't snuggle me and I miss it.

He is amazing at memorizing song lyrics. I heard him singing to himself earlier as he put stickers in a book and I can't remember offhand what song it was but I was so surprised he could remember a song and sing it without the music perfectly. He can also count to thirteen without help. He just seems so incredibly brilliant to me. I'm sure that's part of the mommy-goggles but I am floored by how smart he is and how much he learns every day.

[flapjack]

Yeah- I'm constantly surprised by just how much Skye knows too. Also, the things that are important to her- I don't remember either boy bothering to learn the words to songs at this age, but Skye will happily sit there singing Twinkle twinkle little ar for hours. And SHE had a good trip to the park, yesterday, walked to the bus stop, sat on the bus and walked the rest of the way home. She has a black eye because she fell off her seat and landed on the buggy, but that isn't one of the things she told daddy about. I think I've got my girl back :
Unfortunately River hit his six week growth spurt, and it's wiping me out. He quite liked lying on the wobbly-bouncy-platform thing in the sunlight though, which is something. There's hope for him after all.
Kavita, I remember that story. I couldn't figure out what had happened with the cord I can't wait to hear how Ella gets on with India.
Spughy I've been there too, as you know. Skye hit separation anxiety before she was talking, though, which made it slightly easier- she doesn't go far away now mind. Could you not just stick her in the bath with you?

[flapjack]

Spughy, and everyone else who has survived breastfeeding difficulties, can you go HERE please? I love this mama, she seriously kicks ass and I'm at a loss to find the words here. Please?

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by flapjack

OT, but does anyone else think that 2008 is turning out to be a total doozy of a year?

I was actually just thinking the other day that this year is off on a really good foot for us. Financially, we're doing really well (thanks to a really healthy tax rebate, and an awesome budget that we are incredibly anal about sticking to) and Jason may be up for a promotion/raise within the next couple of months. Yay! Being Mama to Brynn seems to be getting easier as well; she's sleeping through the night the majority of the time now, and goes to sleep incredibly easily for naps and at bedtime. She's finally gotten out of her mommy-centric phase, so Jason has resumed a lot of the evening activities, etc, which really helps my state of mind. I've made a few truly good friends here, and I'm making peace with the fact that my neighbors are not what I was hoping for. I'm losing weight slowly but steadily. We're sprouting our plants for the garden, and planting trees every weekend...so things are good.

barcelona you asked about weaning, but we've sort-of hit a plateau in that department. We made the big change to only nursing at morning wake-up and after her nap (for the most part), but she hasn't been at all willing to give those up. I wonder almost daily if I should try to force it a little more, but I never do. So, we're here for now, and it's fine. Sounds like just about where you are at with Finley, too. By the way, I looked at your blog a couple of weeks ago and noticed that Brynn and Finley have the same haircut these days.

My only real issue of late is deciding whether to stick with Waldorf next year (assuming our school still exists), or to enroll Brynn in a very conveniently located Montessori school, which is new and beautiful and a charter school, so it would be free for her when she turns 5 (assuming we still live in this area), and is about 1/3 less expensive than Waldorf for the next couple of years. So that is what I'm obsessing about every waking moment. I am going to officially tour the school on Wednesday, so I hope to make a decision next week.

Monique, QoC, and Helen - just thinking about you Mamas and hoping things start looking up soon.

Gunter, Alicia, and Fern - I think about y'all so much and hope you are having peaceful and joyous babymoons!!

[flapjack]

Oh, things are looking up for us. I was too depressed to make fun of my life a few weeks ago

[Kavita]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Kavita, I remember that story. I couldn't figure out what had happened with the cord

I am assuming that it snapped. I had that happen once with a mom that I was midwifing--she was a grand multip and she was 8 cm, and she wanted to stand up by the bed and at the beginning of the next contraction I saw her start involuntarily bearing down and squatting a bit and mouthing "I have to push" to her DH who was standing in front of her and holding her (she and her DH are both deaf) and I realized the baby was going to come soon but before I could communicate anything to anyone (we had an ASL interpreter there for the birth) suddenly at the peak of the contraction as I was struggling to get a glove on there was an audible "pop", followed by a big "splash" and before anybody could respond or do anything at all the entire baby just fell out all at once and landed on a pile of chux pads and towels on the floor and the cord just broke in the middle. The whole thing took maybe 10 seconds, from the beginning of the contraction to the time the baby was out. There was no crowning, no birth of the head--the baby was completely in, and one second later the baby was completely out. Baby had like 10/10 apgars, she started moving and breathing and crying pretty immediately, and I sort of just scooped her up and dried her with a towel while checking her over quickly, snapped hemostats on each end of the cord, managed to get the dad to manuver the mom onto the bed, and gave the baby to mom. It kind of freaked everybody out, myself included! But it was all okay, and the baby was fine and healthy and beautiful. (Their bedroom carpet, not so much. People always think that it's going to make some big mess of their house to birth at home, but I've never really seen that, except for that time! I was so embarassed that I actually offered to come over there with my carpet cleaner and clean their carpets at a postpartum visit!)

Sigh. Rachel and Hopkins, where were you back then, when I needed you most?!

Second sigh. I wish midwifery was not illegal in this stupid piece of backwards state. :. I seriously have had at least 20 people contact me in the last 4 months wanting a midwife, and part of me really wants to practice, but I realize that I am just not willing to go to jail or lose my house or jeopardize my family's unity and security for it. (Well, unless Amy gets pregnant and wants a homebirth. ) The really stupid part is that I am licensed to practice in two other states, and here it would be criminal. And I have no idea who to have as a midwife when I have my next baby--it's really bugging me. One of the midwives in this area who has the most experience had failed to return my calls when I left her messages--twice. To me, that indicates an unreliable person, and I don't really want to have another midwife who is going to blow me off when I need her.

I actually have a few moments just to post and mess around becaues DH took Ella to the library and the grocery store, and just called me to say that they're on their way home. And that Ella just grabbed an Odwalla bar from the display and threw it onto the conveyor belt. I laughed because I am usually the one who takes her grocery shopping, and I realized that he doesn't know that she does quite a bit of the unloading the cart these days! She is really actually getting kind of helpful in some respects--or at least it's fun and cute that she's trying to help. She helps clear the table and load and unload the dishwasher. She gets washcloths and wets them in the tub and wipes her toy pots and pans and the walls and floors and mirrors and everything else down and announces that she's cleaning. She wipes the table with her napkin at home or in a restaurant after eating, which usually makes a bigger mess but hey, at least she's trying! And I try to include her as much as I can with cooking--she really likes to cook and do things in the kitchen. Yesterday I made homemade pizza (with a crust recipe from Monique that turned out really good--thanks Monique!!!) and let her stir the dough ingredients, then watch me go at it with the hand mixer equipped with dough hooks, then after I cut up all the toppings I put them into little bowls and she helped me assemble the pizza by spooning on the sauce and sprinkling on all the cheese and toppings. It was pretty fun. I sometimes feel bad because I don't "play" with DD a lot and I sometimes also worry that she's going to remember her childhood with Mommy always uptight and cleaning or cooking and not having time for her. I do try to keep it realistic, I know that I'm not going to be able to maintain a "House Beautiful" sense of decor with young children, and that it's not a good goal and it's better to be a bit more relaxed. But I also feel good that we have a fairly tranquil and orderly and esthetically pleasing home environment, because I think that this is valuable. She has started to put her own toys away and her own clothes, and pick things up by herself, because she knows where things go and how to put them there. So at age 2 she has a pretty good start on learning the domestic skills necessary for survival as an independent adult (I've seriously had boyfriends who didn't have her level of skill! ) and she is learning about worm composting and baking bread and cooking and planting and caring for dogs and babies and such. And I know that when she's ready to learn more cognitive skills and more abstract things that they'll be rooted in a basic sense of human-ness and she'll hopefully have a good foundation. She also amazes me with singing--both that she knows a lot of words to songs (her favorite is Loudon Wainwright's "Daughter" and she seriously goes crazy and sings and runs around dancing whenever she hears it and requests to hear it on the "I-pot" multiple times a day) and that she has a good ear for rhythm and melody. She also is learning and picking up things so fast--on our last trip to the library I got a book of Mother Goose nursery rhymes, and a hindi DVD for kids. So now she's going around reciting the "baa baa black sheep" and "hector protector" nursery rhymes, and saying, "Chalo Hindi Bolay!" (Let's Go Hindi!) which is the name of the video. She also shocked me by knowing how to count to five in Hindi after only watching the video once or twice!! In December a visiting friend of DH taught her how to say "dog" in Hindi and she picked it up immediately but also didn't have any problem with confusing it with English. I have a feeling that by the time we get back from India she'll have picked up a lot of language--only problem is that I am going to have to try to get the IL's to pick a language and stick to it when we're around--they are in an area where Bengali is the predominant local language, but it's not their native language. They speak Telegu, but they are all fluent in Hindi and English as well, so they tend to speak directly to me in English but then speak a rapid-fire mishmosh of Telegu, Bengali, Hindi, and English amongst themselves, and then they wonder why I haven't learned an Indian language yet. DH and I finally decided that we should probably start with Hindi for me and for her, because it's the most widely spoken language (after English) in the north of India.

Well, I'd better sign off and take a shower--we need to go look for curtain rods for the living room and dining room today!!

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by Kavita

I realize that I am just not willing to go to jail or lose my house or jeopardize my family's unity and security for it. (Well, unless Amy gets pregnant and wants a homebirth. )

Awwww. : Well since we don't live in your state, would it be less illegal? (I bet y'all didn't realize that even though Kavita and I live ~20 minutes away from each other, we don't live in the same state!) I know you aren't licensed to practice in this state, but at least it's not *illegal* here. I'll have to ask you offline which MW you called, because I saw one over on this side of the river and really liked her.

Brynn loves that Laudon Wainwright song too! I actually had it on my blog for a while. Is that where you heard it? Unlike a lot of the other November babes, though, Brynn is not really gifted in the musical area. Well, I should qualify that by saying that she knows the words to all of the songs on all of her favorite CDs (and now she's actually singing along with the CDs while they are on, which is sooo cute), and she has been singing songs to herself for a long time now, but she really can't carry a tune. It's not surprising though; neither can Jason or I! And Jason has NO rhythm whatsoever; when he tries to clap along with a song, it's almost like he's trying to be funny because he's so off the beat! But he's really just that bad.

I had to laugh too, Kavita, because even though you aren't looking for a preschool for Ella right now, all of her proficiencies are so prototypical of Montessori, I was thinking, "I bet she'd love it!"

[Queen of Cups]

Personally, I love-love-love Montessori philosophy. That's what we'd want for our kids in an ideal world. However, we have an amazing alternative school in the county that's only 12 minutes away from us and the closest Montessori schools are 40 minutes and 60 minutes away - so that made it a lot easier to decide to "settle" for the local alternative school! But, we've found its a perfect fit for Killian. I've enrolled Ellie to go next year, 4 days a week. I think I would be more comfortable with her only 2 days a week, but since Killy will be there 4 days a week it would be very hard to explain why she doesn't get to stay on Wednesday and Thursday every week! Plus, I'm thinking that I'll look for either a part-time job or put myself on the substitute teacher list for a few of the local counties, so I'll be able to work outside of the home some.

[Awaken]

Just popping in.

Thinking of all of you, esp. the new mommies and those expecting soon

Originally Posted by flapjack

:

OT, but does anyone else think that 2008 is turning out to be a total doozy of a year?

I agree. It hasn't been bad for us personally, but the way the world is going, sometimes I just want to move somewhere, anywhere to get away from it all.

Kavita- that is just messed up, about your inability to practice, if you wanted to. I went to a talk by the author of "Pushed" today, and a lot of those issues were brought up. It also makes me beyond thankful for what my midwife did for me, and all the "illegal" midwives, for risking their families and livelihood to help women have safe births.

Also wanting to start sprouting seeds and digging up my garden, but somehow the day is always over and we haven't done it! Our crocuses and daffodils are out the kids are thrilled. I love this time of year! :

[flapjack]

: Illegal midwives? Time for the revolution, methinks...although I did read an incredibly sad book yesterday, Call the midwife by Jenny Worth There were some amazing bits, like instinctive kangaroo care by a grand multip (25th child, born at 28 weeks) but also a detailed description of a hands-on breech birth at home, complete with cord prolapse. I'm just irked by the disrespectful way she spoke of lay midwives, because of my family history.
Amy, I knew you and Kavita were in different states It would help if people stopped moving though, it's getting confusing.
Kavita, River didn't crown- it was literally head on one ctx and body seconds later, we didn't even have time to check for the cord position, so I can see how having the baby that fast could happen.
Mary I miss you when you don't post, you know that? Yay for crocuses- we saw huge stretch of motorway verge covered in primroses yesterday, a mile or more of them. It was They aren't so common up north or over in Essex, so it's the first time I've really seen primroses growing wild. They're everywhere down here, though.

[MelW]

I'm interested by everyone's thoughts and explorations about school for their kids. I feel about school the same way I did about baby gear when I was pregnant- so utterly unable to imagine what we might want or need until I get to that stage. Though my flexibility feels good- I think we'll just consider options depending on where we are and what is available, and can hopefully find something that is a good fit for Neela, and create what we need at home if not. I just love the toddler enthusiasm for knowledge, and see how fun and amazing homeschooling could be for both of us.

And I have a singing kid- she knows more songs that I can imagine, and can carry a tune quite well. I'm excited to move somewhere that we can move my piano to, since Neela loves to play with when we visit my MIL's where it's temporarily stored.

My dear girl is eating her third bowl of raisin bran, and (hopefully) will be finished with breakfast soon. Have a great day, everyone

[spughy]

Mel, I'm with you on the school thing - it totally depends where we are and what we're doing when school time rolls around. I think I'm going to go ahead and preregister her in the local alt kindergarten class though, it's supposed to be very good and the school is parent-participation oriented right up to grade 6. If I don't preregister and we're still here then, I'll be kicking myself I think.

Rowan is a little songbird too, although she no longer sings on request. But she knows a lot of songs and can carry a tune well.

I am enjoying a probably brief little respite - she went back to sleep after the 7 am boobie and is still conked out. I should go shower... although with DH home yesterday morning I was able to have a lovely long peaceful shower and I even managed to de-sasquatch myself. Ahhhhhh. Oh, wait, there's more coffee....

[HoneyTree]

Jen, Killy's little school looks a lot like the school that I work at. It's much harder to put in words than schools that aim to embody a philosophy--Montessori, Waldorf, Free School, etc. But it's a good fit for Woody and I right now, too. Though still, I don't know if I'm going to send him to school when he's 5. I'm torn between my school and homeschooling. I'm reading all this John Holt and Harold Gardener and Krishnamurti stuff lately, and I'm just growing less and less willing to trust my little guy's development to anyone else for long periods of time. That and I have great faith in my own ability to find and use resources!

And regarding music, Woody has WAY more talent than me! He makes up songs, plays drums on anything, plays air guitar and, if he can get his hands on one, real guitar, and dances to anything. Dh is a musician, so I can't say that I'm surprised, though. They connect over music constantly.

And this is funny, kind of a chicken/egg thing: When he was born, a friend of mine bought me a natal chart reading with a psychic she knew and liked. Well, the psychic told me that he was going to be very musical, and that I should use music to teach him new things and to help him understand hard-to-get things, basically to help him connect to the world around him. Her example was to make a to-do list into a song to sing to him in the car as we tooled around running errands. So I did, from when he was itty-bitty. And now he does it, too. Anyway, it is very entertaining!

[DreamsInDigital]

Winter is totally eating like a hobbit today. He must be having a growth spurt.

[spughy]

Hee. I eat like a hobbit sometimes too. I am very fond of second breakfasts.

I had a scream-free shower this morning without DH here! Rowan did come into the bathroom halfway through looking a little alarmed, but I burbled at her and got her giggling and then we were all ok. I think she was just having a hard time adjusting to my mom being here. Of course, my mom's leaving today... but it's nice to have a "normal" day for her!

[Queen of Cups]

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm fixing corned beef and cabbage for dinner (and Guinness to drink!), and for breakfast I made green scrambled eggs. In other lovely news, we finished our taxes (corporate and personal) so (1) whew! and (2) lots of money coming back to us over the next 3-4 weeks. So, I'm feeling much less stressed, plus I think the rescue remedy is helping. (Um, you can't OD on that stuff, can you? The first day I probably took 10 doses over the day, since then its tapering off to only 3-4 doses a day.) If I could just convince my kids to listen the first time I ask them to do something, life would be grand. DH has this terrible habit of repeating himself when he gets a little panicked/overwhelmed and I think its very effectively teaching the kids that they don't have to listen the first five times something is said to them. I'm trying to figure out how to correct it without always correcting him in front of the kids, any suggestions? Explaining it before/after doesn't seem to be making a difference.