Transplanted Mamas, can we have a show of hands? - Page 5

[calynde]

Originally Posted by RomanGoddess

We only get to stay in Italy four years, max, after which, we could get posted anywhere - Indonesia, Kazakhstan, Nigeria, Myanmar

Sounds a bit like us. We're in Switzerland for the next year...to have this baby among other things and then we could be posted truly anywhere. Although it's not totally random...dh can *apply* for up to 3 posts. We have a list of potential favorite destinations:

-Philippines (thanks to Ilaria's blog )
-Vietnam
-Brazil
-New Zealand

to name a few. We're definitely ready to get out of Europe for a while. Our posts are also 4 years max.

[Missa]

Hello,
I just wanted to introduce myself and say I may be lurking around and maybe asking a few questions too. My name is Missa and I live in Texas currently (from Minnesota originally). I am a SAHM to three children (7, 4, and 3 years old) that I homeschool. My husbands company moves us around the US quite a bit but our next move will be to Europe and I'm a little nervous but totally excited too! It may take up to a year to get us there as DH has some projects to get up and running first. We will most likely be in Poland or Sweden but I heard there could be opportunity in the UK and also Spain. Anywho, I just appreciate this thread and I am thankful to have a place to ask questions on raising children in a foreign country!

Thanks,
Missa

[Ilaria]

Originally Posted by calynde

We have a list of potential favorite destinations:

-Philippines (thanks to Ilaria's blog )
-Vietnam
-Brazil
-New Zealand

to name a few. We're definitely ready to get out of Europe for a while. Our posts are also 4 years max.

We really love it here! I cannot believe it is considered a 'hardship' by dhs company and we get paid extra to live there! It's crazy! It is so easy...the expat community is huge and very active and very fun. It will be sad when we go.

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by Ilaria

I'd love to live in Myanmar! Our next options (that we'd consider, we're not going back to the US or Europe) are China and Vietnam.

Well, I'm sure that Myanmar is a beautiful country but I'm a little bit weary of the political situation there. On the other hand, I would LOVE to live in Kazakhstan for a while. DH thinks I'm crazy.

[autumnfairy76]

Hello! Just wanted to introduce myself to this thread.
I am married to a French guy that brought me to Italy for almost 2 years for his work/school, then, 3 months ago, he lost his job and we are now living with the in-laws in France for an undetermined amount of time. Oh, and I am due with my first (a girl!!) ANY day now!!
In a nutshell, I am not happy with living in europe, except the travel opportunities. I feel like I will never adjust or fit in here. I hope to move back to the west coast soon, but I would like to gain French citizenship too before I go.
Well, before I start complaining too much, I'd like to say I love this forum and hope to talk to some of you soon!

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by autumnfairy76

Hello! Just wanted to introduce myself to this thread.
I am married to a French guy that brought me to Italy for almost 2 years for his work/school, then, 3 months ago, he lost his job and we are now living with the in-laws in France for an undetermined amount of time. Oh, and I am due with my first (a girl!!) ANY day now!!
In a nutshell, I am not happy with living in europe, except the travel opportunities. I feel like I will never adjust or fit in here. I hope to move back to the west coast soon, but I would like to gain French citizenship too before I go.
Well, before I start complaining too much, I'd like to say I love this forum and hope to talk to some of you soon!

Hi autumnfairy and WELCOME TO MDC! If you don't mind me asking, where are you in France? There is a great group of English speaking moms in Paris called Message Mother Support Group. It is a real lifeline. Website is www.messageparis.org.

[autumnfairy76]

Originally Posted by RomanGoddess

Hi autumnfairy and WELCOME TO MDC! If you don't mind me asking, where are you in France? There is a great group of English speaking moms in Paris called Message Mother Support Group. It is a real lifeline. Website is www.messageparis.org.

Hi and thanks for the info on the Message Group. It looks great, but I am in Lyon, which is at least 2 hours away. I did meet a couple girls when I arrived here in a young mom's group, but it is french speaking and my french is terrible still. too bad message isn't here too.

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by autumnfairy76

Hi and thanks for the info on the Message Group. It looks great, but I am in Lyon, which is at least 2 hours away. I did meet a couple girls when I arrived here in a young mom's group, but it is french speaking and my french is terrible still. too bad message isn't here too.

You can still join long distance and it may be worthwhile. (Heck I retained my membership even when we moved to Italy!). Their members' website forum has invaluable information and it's also a great place to vent!

[jul511riv]

hi moms. I don't know where I belong. laughing and shrugging shoulders.

I grew up in the midwest, lived in northern california for most of my adult life, married an Israeli and am now living as a duel citizen here in Israel with my two youngins. Both the kids speak in both languages, but my dd (who is certainly speaking far more than the baby) often blends two languages in her sentences. We have also taught them ASL (modified) and some Spanish and a bit of French. The Spanish and French are VERY VERY non-existant...just a word here or there, or counting...just the basics..Spanish quite a bit more than the French, thanks to Dora the Explorer.

I've tried to get my fil to speak in Morrocain to the children (color me ignorant, but this is a language quite close to Arabic, but slightly different and was his first language), and dh will give the kids a bit of Arabic here and there (counting words, etc...) but mostly we are focused on Hebrew and English.

I totally do feel like an American and feel a ton of pride at being American as well as being a Jew in Israel. I have a lot of issues with both cultures, that being said. :

My Hebrew is fairly passable. I never thought I'd be able to speak more than a few words in a "foreign" langauge, and it surely has taken time, but listening to dh speak to the children in Hebrew has been a huge help. Of course I can converse with children and their parents about child related things, but when it comes to having a conversation about "melting butter" (it came up yestareday) well I just was kicking myself for never knowing the word for "melting"...and of course later the word "cast" as in on a leg) and it is these things that just make me feel like I will never get it and never fit in.

I have some Israeli friends, but truth be told, I feel like I"m in such a fringe group to be homeschooling/non-vaxing/generally crunchy on top of being an orthodox religious woman, and an American, that the divide is just too great, ykwim?

This is a very daycare centered culture. Not only do Israelis believe that this is pro-woman (so she can work) but that it is integrel to the development of the child. I have faced more discrimination and hurtful attacks when I answer the frequently asked question of "is your daughter in daycare/preschool yet?" in the negative. I get bombarded with stories about how important and wonderful it is and why on earth would I not want to do as everyone else is doing, cause if everyone else is doing it, it MUST be right (VERY big here in Israeli culture) but I get truly concerned "but what about her FRIENDS!??!?" I've even had the "you do know that she will NEVER be able to play with other children, do'nt you?" literally AS she was playing with naysayers said children. If I had a nickel/sheckel for every time someone told me that she won't be able to leave my side/make friends/play well with others I could buy my own houses in both countries and my own private jet to fly me between the two!

Anyways, I'm here.

[mountainspring]

Originally Posted by jeannineb

I have a question for any of you...Have you felt like you were giving up some of your identity for your new country? This is something I have experienced and it came completely out of the blue, I never expected feelings like that! I found myself feeling a little resentful at times. I don't know, maybe it's just my MIL forcing Norwegian-ness down my throat! I guess it's part of the process... Other than that, our transition has been pretty smooth. I do love my new adopted country and I am sure I will feel better as time passes.

Nice to meet you all!

The identity crisis. Yeah...my brothers and I still struggle with that a little bit. Our dad is American, mom is Swiss. They met in Jerusalem (very randomly) and then moved to Switzerland before my oldest brother was born to take care of mom's family. So, my brothers and I were all born and raised in Switzerland until 1994 when we moved to Nebraska, USA, to take care of my father's mother who was suffering from Alzheimer's. Our ages at the time of the move were 13, 11, 9 and 7 yrs old. And even now we struggle with our identity. We are all very proud of being Swiss (we all have dual citizenship) but now that my older brother and I have both gone to High School here and married Americans, we see our Swiss Heritage slipping away a little. Since I am a SAHM, I will pass on the language to my children and some of the culture (foods, way of life, etc), but my brothers probably won't be able to pass the language down unless they really commit themselves to only speaking Swiss-German with their children.

I am 50/50 American/Swiss, but since I grew up in Switzerland it is a huge part of who I am. My husband attributes some of my "weird" ideas to my "Swiss-country-girl-ness". I blame his "weird" American ideas on his "American-city-boy-ness". It is more like a joke, but of course, I still miss Switzerland and always will no matter how much I love the USA.

It took years (about 10) for me to completely lose the resentfulness I sometimes felt toward my "new" country. You just have to accept who you are and where you live and make the best of it.

[Needle in the Hay]

I've been in Europe for 13 years.
My DH is French, my DS so far only has French citizenship and I have dual.

As for language I speak English with my DS though there are times I will speak French to him--it's never confused him. If a book is in French then I read it to DS in French.

My DH speaks French with DS and English with me. We have always lived in a French speaking place but DS' English is better than his French. He's never gone to school so I'm sure that makes a difference.

As for culture I would say my DS is totally multi-cultural. Even though he doesn't have American citizenship he considers himself to be half-American. He enjoys trips to Target and Chuck E. Cheese, his favorite candy is Nerds and he knows the schoolhouse rock songs (and a lot more american stuff but these are just a few examples). He is very close to my mom and sisters. He feels as much at home there as he does here.

[nznavo]

I wanted to quickly chime in late on the bi/tri-lingualism discussion. I am so surprised here by how many kids of non-English speaking parents speak mainly English to their parents. Of my neighbours, none of the kids speak to their parents in their (parents') native languages. French siblings speak in English to each other etc. As a parent I think I would find that very difficult - maybe you get used to it? I kind of hope there is more other language speaking that goes on at home that I'm not privvy to.

[Needle in the Hay]

nznavo,
I've noticed that a lot over here too--once the kids go to a school where only French is spoken. Those who go to some type of school where they spend at least a small portion of the schoolday in the non-local language are the ones I hear speaking to their parents in that language rather than in French. I've seen this time and time again so I do think there is something to it.

[Turkish Kate]

I'm jumping in a little late. I keep forgetting this sub-forum is here.

I'm an American, married to a Turk (dual citizen) and the mom of one totally American teen (from previous marriage) and one Turkish-American baby, living in Istanbul, Turkiye. We mostly speak English at home, but MIL lives with us and doesn't speak English, so there's a good amount of Turkish going on. I speak very little Turkish, and very badly for that matter, but there are some general phrases that have crept into my everyday speech (haydi = come on/let's go; yapma = don't do it). DD's Turkish level is about the same as mine and DS doesn't speak much yet, but his jibberish sounds a lot more Turkish than English. He seems to understand equal amounts of Turkish and English. DH is talking about us moving back to the US, so I'm hoping to build a network of Turkish friends who can help keep the language alive for DS (and the rest of us, too).

[ewe+lamb]

Originally Posted by autumnfairy76

Hi and thanks for the info on the Message Group. It looks great, but I am in Lyon, which is at least 2 hours away. I did meet a couple girls when I arrived here in a young mom's group, but it is french speaking and my french is terrible still. too bad message isn't here too.

Please look up the LLL France website and find groups in your area - in fact I'm fairly sure that there is an english speaking group around you, not absolutely sure though. LLL france has a wealth of information and if you need to contact an english speaking group to find out more the Paris English Group are more than happy to help with anything you need, if you have the time before you birth then take the numbers of the hotline phone and various leaders in your area - it's always best to be prepared especially here in france!!

good luck. PM if you need any LLL info.

[ernalala]

in Turkey

Hi,

I consider myself as a migrant to another country.
(you named it transplant but then I get images of bloody intestines of all kinds - sorry)

I am a native Belgian raised in Belgium, who moved to Turkey to marry and live there with her Kurdish-Arabic origin husband.
We live here for almost 8 years now and have two children, aged 2 and 4. We raise them in a multi-langual and multi-cultural manner. We use the OPOL method quite strictly, I speak Dutch with them, my husband Turkish.. They are also exposed to English since my husband and I started out in English and often still have conversations in English, mixed with Turkish and Dutch. Some Kurdish comes in by my in-laws, too, but we live far from them so the Kurdish input is very very little, and merely passive. I am a SAHM at the moment, my eldest son of 4 goes to private pre-school for half a day. So he gets half of the day a Turkish 'language-cultural-food' bath, and the other half mainly the Belgian version, and evenings and weekends are mixed :-).

One of the nice things here, I find, is that breastfeeding and also long-term bf (not unusual untill 1,5-2) , is looked upon as something relatively normal, comparing to how it is perceived in Belgium. Also SAHM is more accepted in this country than in my home country nowadays, but in both countries it is less (or not) appreciated when you have a degree.

I feel both integrated (NOT assimilated and will never be nor want to even if I would ever get dual citizenship) and very much Belgian (probably that 'strange' foreign woman in the middle of the street..many people also 'know' me from hear say, sometimes when I randomly speak to someone in the neighbourhood, I get to hear 'Oh, you must be that foreign lady living next to blablabla, I've been hearing lots about you' ??? :-).
I have both positive and negative experiences being a foreigner in my new home country. And of course I do miss my other homeland and friends/family there and like to travel there once every one or two years or so, if possible, but more difficult and expensive when children involved.
We often have family from both sites visiting for a couple af weeks a time, spread over the year. Nice, but these are always stay-overs so a lot more work to do and less privacy at times. Spring-Summer-Autumn can be busy at times!

I do not know any other foreign young mothers in my area (only at the other end of town, 1h travel). So it is nice to have found this new forum at MDC to discuss some 'multicultural' topics.

Regards,

Me :
H
4y old
2m old
:

[EuxJai]

Hello!

Another "transplanted" mama here. Born in Czechoslovakia (or what was Czechoslovakia at that time...., now Czech Republic), moved to Algeria at age 3, moved to Switzerland at age 6 and grew up there. I then met DH and moved to Canada at age 24, where I have now been for the past 8 years.

I have dual citizenship (swiss & canadian) but consider myself Swiss. Being "canadian" is mostly an administrative thing for me. I live here so I want to partake in the political/administrative decisions of this country; but my identity is primarily swiss (eventhough I do start to feel increaseingly disconnected from the "swiss identity" as I see it in my family and swiss friends).

[merpk]

Huh. I didn't know this was here.

I guess "transplanted" works. I thought "expatriate" worked as well, since I retain my US citizenship. But











So anyway, a question:

All you transplanted mamas, have any of you dealt with a sick parent/close relative from this long distance?



My father was just diagnosed with cancer. We're not on the same continent. We don't have the money to go back and forth. Am ... flailing here.




Any experiences, advice, ruminations, suggestions, or even just plain rants, I'll take 'em all ...

[Alcyone]

This is something that is on my mind a lot. I was not in Denmark yet but still 1000+ miles away and too poor to travel when my grandfather died. His wife is my only remaining grandparent and although she is relatively healthy, physically, right now, she is emotionally a wreck and it is hard to only be able to write letters. (She doesn't have a computer.) I just always worry what will happen next.

[Ianthe]

Hi Mamas.. I lurked in the ex-pat forum, and didn't realized you all moved here... So I'm subbing again, and hope I'll really be able to join you as a transplant..

DH and I still live in the US (Utah), but he is working on getting his Scuba Instructor License, and wants to move us out of the country.. somewhere.. but we have no idea where and when.