Argh, this is a topic that drives me NUTS!!! I'm against helicopter parenting because it makes for dysfunctional kids! There is a difference between parenting that ensures that your child is healthy and safe OR parenting to make sure you have complete control over every thing your child does.
We're AP parents, so we're fairly laid back. I believe that children need their own little kingdom, their world of make believe and learn to work things out. Unless it's an issue of health or safety, kids need to learn to WORK IT OUT!!! Sadly, this is not the case. I have one friend whom is no longer a close friend, because I finally realized that when she came over with her daughter, my boys were always in trouble. What I realized is that my friend cannot and will not let her daughter be on her own--she has to constantly supervise her and everything is fine as long as things go her daughter's way. When they don't, the daughter is allowed to come running and whine that my boys are not doing exactly what she says/not playing the way she wants. Or, when she comes to play, she'll decide she doesn't want to play with the boys and will go off on her own, then my boys will bother her (it's SO typical boy-girl interaction) because they're excited she is there and want to play with her, but then she sets up a mighty wail and my friend swoops in.
I tried to talk to her about it and tell her that I miss grown-up time with my friend, but my friend's response is that she wants to be there for her daughter. She'll even plop down in the toyroom and play with the kids. Ummm...that's great, but for people we don't see every day, shouldn't the kids learn to play and work it out? For my friend, she thinks that this is being supportive. I tried to tell her that she's creating a girl who has no coping skills, who doesn't know how to deal with the real world. Her daughter is still in preschool, where my friend can always intervene with the teachers and classroom. I guess she'll have to learn the hard way when her daughter gets in school and has to deal with large classrooms of kids (many of whom also can't behave and cope because they were never allowed to develop play skills as kids). Kids have to learn on their own, with parents nearby but NOT hovering, otherwise they become dysfunctional, coddled adults. As for us AP parents, isn't the whole goal of AP parenting to produce happy independent children? AP parents respond to their children's cues and the child, as a result, becomes a much more confident and independent individual. I wish helicopter parents could realize that they are really hurting their children's chances at being emotionally healthy individuals and ill-equipping them for life!
My mother and I spoke nearly every day long after I was an adult, married with children etc. Now if they were calling constantly and hounding them or being otherwise intrusive, that's a different thing. Just calling to chat and stay connected is totally fine in my book.
