NOT celebrating birthdays/holidays?

[LeighB]

Anyone here not celebrate birthdays or holidays. Dh was raised in a religion where they don't do that, I was not. We've decided to raise her with traditions, but not with any holidays or birthdays. It's going to be difficult, because she won't have the religion as a reason to justify it to ppl, since Dh no longer follows it. I'm just wondering if anyone else does this too.

[VisionaryMom]

We celebrate birthdays and holidays, but I'm just curious. I understand people who don't celebrate, but why celebrate just not holidays and birthdays? If the concept of celebration is wrong, then I don't understand how the celebration of something else is okay. (I'm not trying to question your decision, but these are things you will need to explain to your DD as she gets older and realizes that what you're doing is so different.)

We have traditions that don't have anything to do with holidays. For example, we have a party every year for the Georgia-Florida game. We camp the first weekend in June. Are these the kinds of things you mean?

[LeighB]

I mean like Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving and birthdays. It's not the celebration that we don't do- for instance we have a poker night every year that ppl go all out for.
Camping and the football game are what I mean by traditions. Things we do as a family every year.

[ThreeBeans]

Can I ask why?

[mamazee]

I'm thinking it's going to be much harder to explain that to a child who sees friends celebrating birthdays and holidays than it would be if you did have a religious reason.

[Lisa85]

Originally Posted by Refried Beans

Can I ask why?

:

[WuWei]

If your daughter wants to celebrate, I'd celebrate with her. I wouldn't introduce it, if you weren't comfortable celebrating something yourself. But, I wouldn't refuse her desire for herself. And I wouldn't want to reject her desire for you to be included in her celebration.

For instance, we are not Jewish, but we've participated in Jewish ceremonies as we honor other's own beliefs.


Pat

[Learning_Mum]

I had a friend who was a Witness that didn't celebrate birthdays and Christmas (and I would imagine Easter, though I didn't actually go into that with her) and she was OK with it, but then it *was* part of her religion and she was surrounded by other people who believed the same things.

I think it's one thing to do it for religious purposes but I guess you'd need to actually give the kids a reason. As a matter of interest I'd really like to know what that is (sorry if that sounds scarky - I don't mean it to be, I'm just really tired and not very coherant.)

[HollyBearsMom]

I agree that at some point your kids are going to want to know why. When they are small I am sure they will be satisfied with "In our family we don't celebrate the day of our birth, Halloween, Xmas, etc" But I think when they get older they are going to want more tangible answers.

We are not Jewish but all my first cousins are and my son has 2 very close Jewish friends. As early as age 4 he wanted to know why we didn't celebrate the same holidays. He is now 6 and his questions were such that we spoke a lot about religion, traditions, etc. We talked about why we celebrate xmas and the meaning behind it. He asked if next year we could celebrate Chanukah like his cousins so we agreed that we will travel and celebrate with them. I assume that as he gets older he will continue to question to eventually deciding where his faith my lie (if anywhere). You could tell that he was "getting" the why behind the what.

I would think you just need to be prepared discuss your why.

[Smokering]

I'm also puzzled as to your reasoning. I can understand not having presents, in an effort to avoid materialism; but it seems you're talking about not celebrating at all--no cakes, cards, acknowledgement of the day etc. I'm not sure what the point of avoiding those things is, if you don't have a religious reason? (Again, not meaning to sound harsh, I just don't get it). I'm one of six kids, so we didn't get a big party every year--we had big ones at 6 and 13, and little family ones in the years between--but we always celebrated.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Learning_Mum

I had a friend who was a Witness that didn't celebrate birthdays and Christmas (and I would imagine Easter, though I didn't actually go into that with her) and she was OK with it, but then it *was* part of her religion and she was surrounded by other people who believed the same things.

We don't celebrate Easter, either. We DO, however, observe the Memorial of Christ's death, as per his instruction in the gospels, "Keep doing this in remembrance of me."

We teach our kids that none of the holidays have scriptural basis.

For someone that isn't specifically associated with a religion that doesn't celebrate holidays or b-days, you could just say, "We just choose not to for our own beliefs."

[RockStarMom]

Hmm...it sounds like we aren't as hardcore as you with this, but here's my experience. My daughter is 2.5
Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. are just normal days for us. Thanksgiving my daughter is too young to ask about, but at Christmastime I just handle it as saying we aren't Christian and don't celebrate Christmas. She's old enough to know all about trees/lights/Santa/etc. and I do nothing proactive to explain/celebrate, but I don't deny her information or celebrations: we got invited to help family friends decorate their tree and she had a blast, we did go to a Christmas party, we went to see lights around town, and she knows vaguely who Santa is, and I explain that we believe in the spirit of Santa(giving). The biggest problem is other people getting her presents, and I of course then feel obligated to get them stuff...haven't figured out how to handle it yet. It's people like my bosses/her nanny and it would seem totally rude to not reciprocate!
For Halloween, we do dress up and go to my doula's party every year. It's just a fun tradition. We did trick-or-treating for UNICEF last Halloween.
For birthdays, we have a BBQ and request no presents. I don't get her any presents either. We just spend the day with all of our family and friends.

[sebandg'smama]

Celebrating birthdays is celebrating the person. Glad they were born.

OT; I always include the mother of the child who's having a birthday, as in happy birthing anniversary!

[MommytoTwo]

I see not celebrating Christmas and Easter and such if you are not Christian obviously but I dont really see why birthdays are not to be celebrated if you dont have religous reasons for it ... as the pp said, its celebrating the person.

[cappuccinosmom]

Well, we aren't "hardcore" about this, but we don't "do" holidays and birthdays as big events. We acknowledge the days and celebrate the meaning, but to most people it looks like we don't. Confusing, I know.

Our reasoning (dh started it and I came to agree with him) is that we do not want to get into materialism, overblown expectations, and that sort of thing. Dh doesn't even know his true birthday as he was born in a place where record keeping is iffy. The idea of a birthday was hard to wrap his mind around.

So, for holidays, we participate with extended family, to the extent that they want to. We ask them to show at least a little restraint in the showering of gifts. We don't do much ourselves.

For birthdays, we acknowledge their individual birthdays with hugs and kisses and maybe a special breakfast. And then we do one day which is our Celebration of our Children Day around the time when their birthdays fall. So we don't do individual birthday party, lots of gifts, cake and ice cream, but we do make sure to celebrate our kids each year, and remind them of how glad they were born.

[MammaB21]

I am an ex-witness, and as such, spent my childhood not celebrating any holidays. OP-to me it sounds like your DH may still have some religious hang ups about holidays, even if he is not still associated with the religion?? I think it is perfectly fine to agree with aspects of a religion and have guildlines based on religious beliefes, and not be affiliated with any one specific religion. If this is the case, I think it is simple, and should be explained to the child that your religious belifes don't support the celebration of certain holidays.

Aside from religion there are many reasons why someone would chose not to celbrate holidays. Avoiding comercialism, materialism, idealism, etc..... wich I think are all wonderfull morals to teach a child. However, in this case, I tend to lean more toward educating, and then leaving the final desicion up to the child.

A previous PP mentioned celebrating with your DD if she wanted to. I somewhat dissagree with that. I think it is fine, (and important) to say, "I don't agree with this, or feel comfurtable with this, and therefore I won't celebrate it. Wether or not you do is your choice." I have to wonder what your plans are for the future. Will she be allowed to celebrate with other? Family? Except gifts? Give gifts? What about school? What will the guidelines be? I agree it will be hard to 'stop' her from doing it if it comes down to just your personal prefrence.

To answer your original question, it would be best to arm her with all of what you DO beleive. If she can say something to friends like, "we believe in keeping materialism at a minimum, and therefore don't give presents on my bday." Instead of, "we don't believe in bdays." She will likely feel impowerd to know the answer, and be able to explain. Good luck.

[LeighB]

nak

sorry, took a long time to reply.

Dh is was raised as a Witness, but is no longer affiliated with the actual congregation. He does however still believe in the religion and most of it's practices. so for him, it's just doing what he's been doing his whole life.
the baby won't necessarily have religion as an "excuse" for not celebrating.
MammaB21- that's exactly what I was looking for. Thanks.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by MammaB21

To answer your original question, it would be best to arm her with all of what you DO beleive. If she can say something to friends like, "we believe in keeping materialism at a minimum, and therefore don't give presents on my bday." Instead of, "we don't believe in bdays." She will likely feel impowerd to know the answer, and be able to explain. Good luck.

To me, this doesn't answer the question though, unless I'm misunderstanding the OP. Celebrating and acknowledging aren't the same. My understanding of her post is that they will not do any acknowledgment of any holidays or birthdays. (The few JW I know are this way; they do not even say "happy birthday," no hugs when you come downstairs, nothing.) Not being materialistic about holidays is easy to explain to your children and other people. Not doing anything for any holiday/special day is a little tougher.

I would imagine you'd have a rough time convincing your child that you "just don't" without the religious significance. If your husband still believes in the tenets of the JW faith, then isn't religion actually the justification for it?

[MammaB21]

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

To me, this doesn't answer the question though, unless I'm misunderstanding the OP. Celebrating and acknowledging aren't the same. My understanding of her post is that they will not do any acknowledgment of any holidays or birthdays. (The few JW I know are this way; they do not even say "happy birthday," no hugs when you come downstairs, nothing.) Not being materialistic about holidays is easy to explain to your children and other people. Not doing anything for any holiday/special day is a little tougher.

I would imagine you'd have a rough time convincing your child that you "just don't" without the religious significance. If your husband still believes in the tenets of the JW faith, then isn't religion actually the justification for it?

The example I gave to her was just that, an example. I wasn't sure from the Original post what the exact guidlines were to be regarding the 'celebrations'. I also wasn't sure what the motivation was to not 'celebrate'. That is why I asked. You are right that witnesses don't acknowledge birth days, or holidays. What I was getting at was that one day, someone will acknoweldge this childs bday, and every holiday of the year. Family, friends, teachers, etc will probably give cards, gifts, bday/holiday wishes. The LO will have to start answering questions as to why she doesn't celebrate. So, whatever the reason, she should know it, and go over a 'test run' of what she will tell others when they ask. Not actually belonging to the religion will likely bring up problems in the future IF the OP's LO desides she doesn't have the same religious veiws as her parents. IMO, this is something you have to deal with eventually, wether you attend a church or not. I think her DD should have a right to ask questions, be aducated, and make an informed decision.

OP- What your DH is going threw is tough. Is he newly out, or has this been a while? Sorry if you mentioned that and I missed it. If it is still fresh, keep in mind that he may change his mind on some of these issues as time passes. (not that he needs to). You may want to try the ex JW thred in the 'finding your tribe' section, or the religion forums for more direct advice. You can PM me if you have more personal questions about it. GL again.

[Learning_Mum]

I think in your case the reason would be religion.

I believe that you don't need to actually go to church to belong to a religion. I'm christian and celebrate christian holidays but I haven't been in a church since my wedding. Doesn't stop be believing.

You don't need to go to a building to have a relationship with God.