Uncomfortable with this scene at M school.

[morgansmum]

DD loves her M school. She just started a couple months ago so this is really new to both of us. I have had some limited previous experience with Montessori Methods while in college but I am learning more now as DD attends for the first time.

So I drop DD off in the morning 5-10 mins before line time. There is a room that does the 'before school/after school program'. I walked away and went to pay DD's tuition and came back when I noticed she was still standing in the door way. I looked in the room and an aide had turned the lights off and was raising her voice. She said no one is going anywhere until this place is clean. Everybody get cleaning, grab a friend and clean this place up.' DD was very startled by the lights being shut off and there are no windows in the room so it was dark. Her class aide then called her in for line and she went in ok. I was startled by the situation, I felt like I was in grade school again and did not expect that here. I don't speak to my children in that tone and I am uncomfortable with the way it was handled. The aide was obviously a little rattled or annoyed with the kids. There was one other parent there but she did not seem as phased by the situation as I was.

Am I over reacting? I tend to be a little senstive when it comes to my kids. Dh doesn't think it was a big deal but I guess I did expect that. Would this bother you?

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by morgansmum

Would this bother you?

Yup. The fact my DD was bothered by it most of all. I'd bring it up and see what they say - and talk to your DD about it, she may have lingering feelings. Good luck!

[SinginMamaTo2]

It would totally bother me!!! My dd is very sensitive to dark places. I know she would have freaked out. That was the absolute wrong way to get the childrens attention, if that's what she was trying to do. Unbelievable! I would have gone back to the office and spoken to someone in charge about it. What happens at other times when she's "rattled"?
Don't feel bad for letting this upset you. It's our job to protect our kids.

[morgansmum]

I am feeling pulled to say something. The aide that did this was not the aide in DD's room. I have had tons of questions and sent lots of emails to the director. I am starting to feel like the picky parent and I don't want that to have a negative effect on DD in school. But this situation really did rattle me. I just don't understand how this is a productive way of dealing with children especially ones as young as 2 years old.

[BCFD]

It would have bothered me so much that I would have walked right back into that room and asked why she was raising her voice and then would have wanted to speak with the teacher, director and/or owner of the school. The reason why this would upset me is because my DD had a very traumatic experience with an assistant teacher in her last preschool (she was squeezing her arm and poking her in the bellybutton with her fingernails). It took me a very long time to find the right situation, school, and teacher for my child. If I ever heard a teacher or assistant or aide raising their voice near my DD, I would probably either pull her from that school or ask for her to be moved to a different classroom (or ask that the aide be reprimanded for that and moved to a different classroom). There is NO place for yelling at a child in a school....especially a Montessori school. I would not tolerate that for any reason. I'm sorry to hear this happened to your DD and I would definitely just start asking questions about how she feels about her teachers and school. Don't ask, "Do you like Ms. XYZ", but instead phrase it like, "Tell me about your teachers" and see how she responds.

[emilet]

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I say go with your gut on this and speak up.

[morgansmum]

The woman that did this was not her teacher or aide. I have seen her before but she must be in a different class, doesn't mean that DD won't have her next year though. DD's aide and teacher are very soft spoken and caring. DD offers with out asking that she likes Ms. so and so and Ms. so and so and they are nice and she does ask to go to school even on her days off. She never did that with the other school we had her in. DD is leary of going into this room on a regular basis in the morning until she attaches to a friend or teacher and we have been working on her going in on her own and playing so I don't have to hang out for 10-15 mins but looks like this may dump that progress too. I will see how she is when I pick her up.

[yarngoddess]

Originally Posted by morgansmum

The woman that did this was not her teacher or aide. I have seen her before but she must be in a different class, doesn't mean that DD won't have her next year though. DD's aide and teacher are very soft spoken and caring. DD offers with out asking that she likes Ms. so and so and Ms. so and so and they are nice and she does ask to go to school even on her days off. She never did that with the other school we had her in. DD is leary of going into this room on a regular basis in the morning until she attaches to a friend or teacher and we have been working on her going in on her own and playing so I don't have to hang out for 10-15 mins but looks like this may dump that progress too. I will see how she is when I pick her up.

IMHO this said it all. If your DD is acting this way, there is a problem. Trust your DD and your instincts. Start talking to whose in charge. Seriouslly. You are the mom and you are seeing red flags, don't ignore them.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

My first questions are: what did the other teacher/aide in the room do? And if there was only the 1 aid, how many kids were in the room? Our school has a always-more-than-1-adult-at-all-times rule, so a single teacher in the room would totally flip me out to start with. And if I thought there were more kids in the room than the ratio said was OK, I would address that immediately. Beyond that, I would also ask about the school's policy about raised voices and darkness. You might, or might not, be super-sensitive to voice tone while others might not be phased by it, but so many little kids are scared of the dark that this seems like a problem. Our school turns lights out to signal clean up time, but its a quick off/on flip and there are windows, so its never really dark. But especially if your child seems hesitant about this room, I'd ask more questions and then go from there.

[teagansmama]

Originally Posted by yarngoddess

IMHO this said it all. If your DD is acting this way, there is a problem. Trust your DD and your instincts. Start talking to whose in charge. Seriouslly. You are the mom and you are seeing red flags, don't ignore them.

ITA with this!! I couldn't say it better myself.

[MattBronsil]

Another idea if you run into a similar situation again:

I would have calmly walked in and said to the aid, "It seems like the students are having a hard time getting focused this morning. May I help?"

Teaching is a stressful job. Being in charge of xx amount of people is stressing in itself...never mind the frustration of them running around getting each other going. The benefit of having more adults around seems to be the ability to step in when needed and tag team.

I still say you should mention this to the administration. It's worth mentioning so the aid can learn from it.

Matt

[BCFD]

Oh, I wanted to add that in my DD's school when they want to get the children's attention they ring a little bell and the children immediately respond. Maybe you could suggest she/they do something more along the lines of that instead of scaring all the kids and raising her/their voice.

[morgansmum]

My first questions are: what did the other teacher/aide in the room do? And if there was only the 1 aid, how many kids were in the room? Our school has a always-more-than-1-adult-at-all-times rule, so a single teacher in the room would totally flip me out to start with. And if I thought there were more kids in the room than the ratio said was OK, I would address that immediately. Beyond that, I would also ask about the school's policy about raised voices and darkness. You might, or might not, be super-sensitive to voice tone while others might not be phased by it, but so many little kids are scared of the dark that this seems like a problem. Our school turns lights out to signal clean up time, but its a quick off/on flip and there are windows, so its never really dark. But especially if your child seems hesitant about this room, I'd ask more questions and then go from there.

There were 3 aides I could see, there may have been more to about 35 kids. It was not a quick flip, the lights were off the whole time she was saying what I stated above. I wonder if its supposed to be flip, that would make more sense. The aide from DD's room seemed a little quiet, she knows DD is shy about going in because I talked to her about it last week and so I think that is why she approached her to come in to try and make her feel ok.

IMHO this said it all. If your DD is acting this way, there is a problem. Trust your DD and your instincts. Start talking to whose in charge. Seriouslly. You are the mom and you are seeing red flags, don't ignore them.

Funny Dh and I were talking about this over dinner and I said the same thing to him. I have been telling DH that she does not want me to leave until line time. I thought it was because of the new environment but I am not sure now.

Teaching is a stressful job. Being in charge of xx amount of people is stressing in itself...never mind the frustration of them running around getting each other going. The benefit of having more adults around seems to be the ability to step in when needed and tag team.

Thanks for the suggestions. I think I was a little shocked at first, I think i replayed it a dozen times in my head and what I wished I had done. Part of my concern is that the children were not getting each other going or being noisy that I could tell, they were lining up with out cleaning. They all were just standing there. I do have a concern that the other aides did not step in. I need to find out if this is the 'regular' way they deal with things like this which may be why no one felt the need to step in.

[morgansmum]

Oh, I wanted to add that in my DD's school when they want to get the children's attention they ring a little bell and the children immediately respond. Maybe you could suggest she/they do something more along the lines of that instead of scaring all the kids and raising her/their voice.

Yep they have a bell they ring every morning and the kids know to line up. They rang the bell and then when they all ran to line up with out cleaning up the scene above took place. Mixed signals, I would gather.

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by morgansmum

Thanks for the suggestions. I think I was a little shocked at first, I think i replayed it a dozen times in my head and what I wished I had done. Part of my concern is that the children were not getting each other going or being noisy that I could tell, they were lining up with out cleaning. They all were just standing there. I do have a concern that the other aides did not step in. I need to find out if this is the 'regular' way they deal with things like this which may be why no one felt the need to step in.

It could also be not stepping on each other's toes in front of the children and not knowing how to do that. It takes a certain grace to step in and help another teacher without making it look to the children like you're undermining them as well. Many teachers discuss these things later, with no children around, on how to handle it differently.

I can think back on many times when I started learning when teachers would step in and help me. I'm always glad they knew how to do it. I'm willing to bet the aids do not have that confidence yet, even if they did not think it was the best way.

Matt