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when a friend hits on your husband... - Page 2

post #21 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
when a friend hits on your husband...

they arent your friend.
I agree and would not want to be her friend anymore. I'd most likely stop returning calls or being friendly. I wouldn't confront her about it because I really don't see anything to be gained by doing so.
post #22 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by moma justice View Post
wwyd?
she is a young mom who i have kinda taken under my wing as she seems to be very into nfl and ap and homeschooling etc.
she just got divorced.
and hit on dh.
i want to say something to her, but what????
i live in a very small town and i see her several tims a week.
i want to be honest and the bigger person but i feel pretty betrayed.
I don't know what I would do. I just had this happen to me a few weeks ago.
post #23 of 49
i would not be her friend anymore. i wouldn't be out and out rude but i wouldn't be social anymore either.
post #24 of 49
would you mind giving more detail? it seems like there is a possiblity there was a joke gone bad or something? if the way she flirted seemed like it could be interpreted more than one way, then i would talk to her. but if it wass really super clear, then yeah, i would never talk to her again.


having gone through getting a divorce as a mama---it plays weird things with your mind. You do crave attention from men cuz you feel so shattered, broken, wasted. its all the stereotypes about single moms, like you are "used up" these things go through your mind. Its terrible! She might be forgetting her boundaries cuz she is so desparate for some kind of affirmation that she is normal? not that flirting is the way to go---but its more understandable than just trying to sleep with someones husband. which is wrong no matter how you slice it. And no i have never flirted with a married person , period. So i cant really fully put myself in her shoes.

anyway i hope you figure it out! sounds sad. but i am glad your DH was so up front.
post #25 of 49
How do you feel about her otherwise?

I'm pretty upfront, and I would likely just say something to her about it.

I've kept friends who hit on my partners, and I've dumped friends who've done it. Really depended on the person otherwise - if I thought that they were just testing the waters to see if there was some interests or just joking sort of. Or if I generally had seen some other behaviours that I was unsure of and this was just the thing that finally pushed the borders into "not a good person" category.

If you aren't comfortable with it or her, cut her out. If she actually didn't mean it, SHE will approach YOU.
post #26 of 49
Your friends don't hit on your husband.

She would be out of my life, period.
post #27 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
when a friend hits on your husband...

they arent your friend.
:
post #28 of 49
It is a really disrespectful act to hit on your friend's husband. It sounds like your husband handled it well and I would probably stop contact with her. I am not cool with other women testing my husband to see if he would be interested, I am not cool with other women stoking their ego by messing with my family, I am not ok with "friends" seeing if they can hurt MY family. I am a pretty relaxed person about who my husband talks to or is friends with and such, but I could not and would not stay friends with someone who did something like that, which could result in pain for me and my children. I don't think my husband ever would do that to us, but a friend hitting on him is also her saying she would be ok with him doing that to me, and that is just messed up.
post #29 of 49
Well, I've had lots of experience here, as DH is a martial arts teacher. From women signing up and then quitting as soon as they realize we are married to just blatantly outright throwing themselves at him. Fortunately DH is so completely utterly trustworthy I am never worried. HE OTOH tells them to cut it out or they can no longer participate in the school. My favorite though? One woman told me, in front of several people, "Oh you don't have to worry about me, I would never, blah blah blah" To which I replied, "Sweetheart, if I had to trust you, I wouldn't be married to him." For some reason, we haven't seen her recently
It sounds like your DH is handling it well. I would just watch, and I also wouldn't ever make an issue of it.
post #30 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by laoxinat View Post
Well, I've had lots of experience here, as DH is a martial arts teacher. From women signing up and then quitting as soon as they realize we are married to just blatantly outright throwing themselves at him. Fortunately DH is so completely utterly trustworthy I am never worried. HE OTOH tells them to cut it out or they can no longer participate in the school. My favorite though? One woman told me, in front of several people, "Oh you don't have to worry about me, I would never, blah blah blah" To which I replied, "Sweetheart, if I had to trust you, I wouldn't be married to him." For some reason, we haven't seen her recently
It sounds like your DH is handling it well. I would just watch, and I also wouldn't ever make an issue of it.
post #31 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotwings640 View Post
... but a friend hitting on him is also her saying she would be ok with him doing that to me, and that is just messed up.
Exactly.
post #32 of 49
she obviously doesn't respect you or your marriage. STAY AWAY!
post #33 of 49
I wouldn't say anything to her about it, but I sure as heck wouldn't still be friends with her or invite her into my home.
post #34 of 49
someone who did something like that would get the big freeze from me.
post #35 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
when a friend hits on your husband...

they arent your friend.
:
post #36 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by stirringleaf View Post
...
having gone through getting a divorce as a mama---it plays weird things with your mind. You do crave attention from men cuz you feel so shattered, broken, wasted. its all the stereotypes about single moms, like you are "used up" these things go through your mind. Its terrible! She might be forgetting her boundaries cuz she is so desparate for some kind of affirmation that she is normal? not that flirting is the way to go---but its more understandable than just trying to sleep with someones husband. which is wrong no matter how you slice it. And no i have never flirted with a married person , period. So i cant really fully put myself in her shoes.

anyway i hope you figure it out! sounds sad. but i am glad your DH was so up front.
That's definitely an interesting perspective, and not one I'd have considered. I would hesitate to assume that is what was motivating her, but I think it's definitely worth talking to her about it (if you enjoy her friendship otherwise) rather than just cutting her off altogether. If this is just one more in a long series of insults though, maybe it's just the final straw.
post #37 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by RockStarMom View Post
Yep. I would just stop answering her calls/emails/etc. and I bet she'll know why.

Your partner's actions show that he is very committed to you--you are lucky to have such an honest relationship and he clearly has no interest in this "friend" of yours.
I agree- I'd just ignore her and yes you do have a great husband.
post #38 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chandar View Post
RUN from her!!!
Yep. Friends don't try to sleep with friends' partners.
post #39 of 49
What would it hurt to be upfront with her about it?

"My husband said you were flirting with him on x date. It really hurt my feelings. I thought we were friends and I feel like you were betraying me."

See how she responds and if you like the answer. It's a more adult thing to do than either let it simmer in the back of your mind while you pretend everything's cool or to cut her out of your life with no explanation. Take the high road.
post #40 of 49
And another thing.
She was trying to get your dh to flirt back with her.....she would do that behind your back and be fine with that situation. You now know what she's willing to do to you. I'd be D.O.N.E.
F' her. If you take the sympathetic route, it's just a ticking time bomb. Be smart and cut her off.
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