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Child Beaten In Store - Page 5

post #81 of 85
Originally Posted by Mahtob View Post
Though, it is true (I did not realize living outside of the U.S.) that some people who do not have to shop at Wal Mart, shop there (i.e. not poor people) which is something that I had not considered. I just assumed that if you could afford to support a more enlightened company and buy things not made in China, you would.
Most of my friends are middle-class and they don't understand why DH & I no longer shop at Wal*Mart because "you can get so much MORE stuff there, cheaper!"

Sadly, they have fallen prey to the Wal*Mart mantra, "Instead of teaching your kids to share, buy one for each of them."
post #82 of 85
Originally Posted by Evenstar View Post
This is a very kind, centered response in this situation, but what would it look like from the child's perspective? If I were 6 and my mom smacked me, then a strange lady was nice to her and offered compassion and understanding (remember I'm 6 and I don't understand the intention behind diffusing a situation), it might reinforce the idea that I was bad and deserved to be smacked.

I thought the same thing.
post #83 of 85
Originally Posted by Rigama View Post
I completely respect and admire both CC and WW, and I want desperately to believe that as an intervening adult, I would do more harm by not speaking up. But I just don't always believe that. The honest to god truth is that there are some really unstable and psychotic parents out there and sometimes saying something really DOES make the parent give it worse at home. I clearly remember being 5 years old and my mother literally pulling me down the sidewalk by my hair, which was always kept long and in a ponytail so that she'd always have a handle. When she got tired of pulling me by my hair she pushed me in front of her and kicked me in the rear repeatedly, as well as smacking me and cussing at me. Of course I cried and screamed, and she hollered at me to shut up. A woman came out of her apartment and tried to make small talk with my mother and she asked if I was okay. When we got home not only did the beating continue, but I ended up with a black eye and bumps on my head from being thrown, by my hair, into walls. The whole time she re-iterated that "I" made a scene. "I" was being dramatic and "I" called attention to us, and how dare "I" embarass her like that.

That woman was trying to help in the only way she could. But she made things worse. At that age, I already knew that my mother's behavior was not okay. I didn't need someone to say anything to her, I needed someone to remove me from her. If they couldn't do that, I wanted them to keep thier mouth shut. A kind look from an outside adult did more good to me than saying anything.

So yeah, I firmly believe that sometimes saying something does some good. And sometimes not saying anything is better, and it's really hard to tell which is the right thing.
Rigama, your post had me sobbing, sitting here holding my sleeping son. I am so very, very sorry for what you had to go through. I just couldn't read your story and not post...my heart goes out to you.
post #84 of 85
Originally Posted by Rigama View Post
Unfortuantely, I know from being the child who was beaten in public, that outside comments just made me get it evenn worse at home. It's always the child's fault for crying too loudly or drawing attention to the abuse.

I'm so sorry you saw this
This was true in my house too... I think the best is to let the abuser know that you are there with out intruding. That way, they will at least "try" to control themselves and not blame the kid.
post #85 of 85
Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri View Post
Well; let's see. Speaking up takes guts that (let's be honest) not everyone has. It also (as other's have said) possibly puts the child at risk later if the parent is truly violent. So; let's examine the parents actions and stack it up against what we know.

We know that usually people try their best to save face in public; so the odds are; that mother was at her wits end.

We know that people usually spank/hit because they feel backed into a corner without options. They feel unheard. Frustrated. Etc.

This mother hit because the boy dropped the drink; thus making a mess for her to deal with; and most likely it was just the 'straw that broke the camel's back' so-to-speak. This mother is probably overloaded with stress and things on her agenda.

As a passerby; instead of making her feel worse; perhaps it would be best to offer to help her. To come by and say "I see that you're having a really hard time right now; you look like you're overloaded with stress and I bet this just made things harder on you. Can I help you by finding an employee and a mop to clean it up?". Offering her some sympathy and a solution may trigger her to realize that hitting the child is not a solution; and solutions aren't all that hard to find; and that you understand she's stressed. This makes her feel heard and helped.

Should you feel so bold afterwards; you might offer to meet for coffee sometime. If I had to guess; I'd say she feels really alone in life; unheard and misunderstood. Maybe you can be the one who brings positive back into her life.
The best post I've read...I agree with everything you said!
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