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Genders - Page 4

post #61 of 141
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy View Post
. He should also be a good singer, have killer jump-shot and forgo the mayonaise.
Quite frankly, I think that everyone should forgo the mayonnaise. It's gross. Miracle Whip for everyone!
post #62 of 141
I just want to point something out about the whole "boys crying in public" thing.

Crying in public, and in school, isnt' socially acceptable for girls either. DD2 has had incredible trouble making friends because she's "too sensitive". The only solution I found was to pull her out of school- she just didn't fit well or learn well in the school environment.
post #63 of 141
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by karina5 View Post

I think your OP on this thread was fine, Phantaja, and it bums me out that you came here with an attitude of truly trying to understand, and yet you get flamed.

People, can we help someone understand a touchy topic without making them feel like crap? I hate it when we have a nerve touched and then get kind of condescending and stuff.... (and I know I've been guilty of this so I'm not being all high and mighty).

The OP seems to genuinely want to understand better, so can we do this in a decent way?
Thank you, Karina, that was very kind of you, but I'm cool. No one's being mean. I put my big girl panties on this morning.
post #64 of 141
Anthropologically speaking... "sex" is the physical equipment you've been born with while "gender" is the socio-culturally constructed packaging that goes along with this equipment. As such, "gender" is always changing as different groups and different times lead to different packaging. It only seems "solid" if you look at it in a snapshot. Stand back and you realize just how fluid and shifting "gender" is.

Do I have a problem with a person embracing a specific set of gender norms? No. But I don't feel the need to pick a set of norms for them either or enforce all the "parts" of that set if they only want to follow some of them. If they want to express themselves in line with all, some, or none of the socially constructed gender norms that is their choice. And if the gender expression my children feel most comfortable with goes against the gender expression of the US majority I'll do what I can to support them in their self expression.

Oh, and topless? Legal in NY for both sexes as long as it is for "non-sexual" purposes. There is a mixed sex shirts/skin game in one of our local parks and summer weather brings it's share of topless folk of both sexes. Of course, with a few feet of snow on the ground most people don't want to go skin anyway.
post #65 of 141
Ruthla, I take everything you say in like a sponge (b/c I like your advice) but I'm not pulling them out of school for tears. There are 3 of them and this is a good school district. Call it tough love or a tough mama, but I think he can either adapt now or later. If that is bad, then fine. I didn't cry in class, and I did have a whole horse cart load of stuff to fuss over by the time I was his age...maybe that is why I just sigh and don't know what to do w/him. Sometimes I'd like to pull him aside and say, hey-by your age I was smacked around and was on dad #3, but I'd never do that to him. But sometimes I DO....ohhhhh boyyyyy, DO I just want to say, buck up lil camper. Grow a set. c'mon. I'd do that if he was a girl, too.

mmmm hmmmm.

sooooo, now you know where I'm coming from when I say I don't know how to deal w/a kid who is a bit tearful b/c he's too emotional when there is absolutely nothing wrong w/family life or school life and he gets great grades, but he sometimes feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. WHAT do I do???

Sure, this post ain't pc, but I never claimed to be as such. I do try to be nice, however.
post #66 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy View Post
Who has done this? I see people getting passionate about something they feel strongly about, but I honestly don't see flaming. And I don't see anyone trying to make anyone else feel like crap.

How do you propose we be decent? I'm asking sincerely, because I've seen nothing here that hasn't qualified as such.


Sorry. I guess I was just meaning in general. Phantaja's post that people have said she is hurtful to children touched a nerve. And she said she put on her bgp (not boxers...hehehe) so she is fine.
post #67 of 141
sojourn, is there really anything you can do? Even if you told him to "buck up," it's not like you could force him.
post #68 of 141
eh, you're right glendora. I just like to hear it from the outside. From outside sources. I'm gonna go watch rocky horror, I guess. and giggle and sing all the way thru.....

THANK YOU.

sometimes I just like safety in numbers or validation or an outside opinion to say I'm on the right track. and

I like and endorse this thread. This thread for '09!! **giggles**
post #69 of 141
My 10 year ols is incredibly senstive to remarks from people, he's the outcast 99% of the time He comes home crying a lot, even when playing with friends. I just hug him, tell him I hope he's feeling better soon and ask if there's anything I can do. Most of the time, it's all he needs. He's homeschooled for this and many other reasons though (it was much worse when he was in school).

Quote:
Originally Posted by sojourn View Post
Ruthla, I take everything you say in like a sponge (b/c I like your advice) but I'm not pulling them out of school for tears. There are 3 of them and this is a good school district. Call it tough love or a tough mama, but I think he can either adapt now or later. If that is bad, then fine. I didn't cry in class, and I did have a whole horse cart load of stuff to fuss over by the time I was his age...maybe that is why I just sigh and don't know what to do w/him. Sometimes I'd like to pull him aside and say, hey-by your age I was smacked around and was on dad #3, but I'd never do that to him. But sometimes I DO....ohhhhh boyyyyy, DO I just want to say, buck up lil camper. Grow a set. c'mon. I'd do that if he was a girl, too.

mmmm hmmmm.

sooooo, now you know where I'm coming from when I say I don't know how to deal w/a kid who is a bit tearful b/c he's too emotional when there is absolutely nothing wrong w/family life or school life and he gets great grades, but he sometimes feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. WHAT do I do???

Sure, this post ain't pc, but I never claimed to be as such. I do try to be nice, however.
post #70 of 141
I don't think there is anything wrong with saying girls and women are different from boys and men. We are different in many positive ways.

I think it becomes harmful to rigidly assign things like certain colors, characters, fabrics, toys, hair length, or emotions to a particular gender because it tells a child that if they go outside of that there is something wrong with them... that they are less manly or less womanly. I feel those are the false messages about gender that we need to break away from.

Is there really something wrong with a boy who likes the feel of lace or the color pink instead of blue cotton? A dress is a piece of cloth not how strong or how soft a person is.

If my dd doesn't want to wear a bra that is her business. If she never wears lip gloss or earrings that doesn't mean she is less womanly.
post #71 of 141
Interesting thread.

If it were legal, I would have no problem with a 16 yo daughter topless on a beach. Really.

And if I had a boy who wanted to wear girls clothes I don't think there is an age I would stop, I mean, besides the normal point where they buy their own clothes around adulthood.

I have a 15 yo son right now and within his budget I don't regulate what he buys- within reason no assless chaps. They have to be OK for school type clothes. If he wanted to buy girls underwear with that, whatever. He has bought some girl items in the past. Tight jeans or t-shirts, I don't see a problem with it.
post #72 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by glendora View Post
A little boy who wants Dora panties or sparkly nailpolish at 3 isn't likely to grow up to be an chap-wearing Sweet Transvestite from TranSEXUAL Trannnnsylvania.

(And, if he did, more power to him.)
Yes on both points
post #73 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by sojourn View Post
Ruthla, I take everything you say in like a sponge (b/c I like your advice) but I'm not pulling them out of school for tears.
I wasn't suggesting you should. I pulled DD out of school for a whole host of reasons, not just because of the crying. I was just trying to make the point that "getting teased for crying" isnt necessarily a gender-based thing.
post #74 of 141
Well, I can't bear to use the word panties in any context. Gosh, I hate that word.


People think ds is a girl all the time. They call him pretty. They get all flustered if they realize he is a boy (I don't bother to correct them unless the conversation goes further). Then they say, "oh, I'm sorry, I meant he is handsome."


I really can't bring myself to care if the word pretty is used while describing a boy. And I can't imagine explaining the pretty/handsome rule to my child.
post #75 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synthea™ View Post
My 10 year ols is incredibly senstive to remarks from people, he's the outcast 99% of the time He comes home crying a lot, even when playing with friends. I just hug him, tell him I hope he's feeling better soon and ask if there's anything I can do. Most of the time, it's all he needs. He's homeschooled for this and many other reasons though (it was much worse when he was in school).
THANK YOU. This did NOT fall on deaf ears.
post #76 of 141
I don't believe gender roles are AT ALL natural. I have two children, and I have no problem with any clothes they choose (now or at 16), toys they play with (as long as they aren't plastic ), or how they hold their bodies.
post #77 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama View Post
I really can't bring myself to care if the word pretty is used while describing a boy. And I can't imagine explaining the pretty/handsome rule to my child.
Is calling boys pretty part of "gender dilution?"

post #78 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
My daughter has a pair of "boy" briefs. I wouldn't be surprised if my boy ends up with panties.

I know lots of older boys and men who wear make up. Both my kids play with make up and nail polish.

I don't agree with "sitting like a lady."

My girls wears pink and blue and every colour. So does my boy. So does every male and female adult I know.


Oh yeah and my boy has long hair.


I have no problem with gender differences. Having a son and a daughter, however, have shown me that there are very few, legitimate differences. In fact, my daughter is more stereotypically like a boy and my son is more stereotypically like a girl.

None of what you listed is specifically girl or boy. I will not limit my children in any way.

I agree with every single word you wrote here -- the same applies to my kids.

My son is nursing in my arms right now in his pink pjs. I picked them because I liked them, and he loves them.
post #79 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by glendora View Post
Is calling boys pretty part of "gender dilution?"

I'm not really certain what gender dilution is. It just seems like the general rule that is out there is that pretty is not a word that should be used for boys. Hence the insult of "pretty boy".
It seems to be the most common gender correction I run into.
post #80 of 141
Telling someone they can't do something or wear something based on their gender is sexist, plain and simple. I can't imagine not letting my son paint his nails because he's a boy! Just as I would never make a daughter wear a bra or make-up. I just don't understand that at all.
A
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