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*Update and birth story* post 45 co-worker scheduled for cs (for a 9# baby) - Page 2

post #21 of 51
Thread Starter 
No i did not send it via our work e-mail, but honestly i dont think she will care either way. Either she wants more info, or she doesnt read it and thats the end of it. I still havent heard back from her so i think she probubly deleted it. Hey, i tried.

We are both medical assistants in a pediatrics office and i am in school for nursing - so talking about medical issues is pretty typical for us. Through her whole pregnancy she has been talking about having a natural birth, being able to breastfeed right away....etc..

Due to clinicals this semester i havent worked during the week lately, so i havent talked to her. We are friends though and usually get together a lot (except for the last month or so). She is going to the same OB that induced me on my due date, just because. And is delivering at a hosptial that has a 40-something% c-section rate...it just makes me sad that she might possibly be feeling pressured because she is pretty little (5'2'')....and if giving her some extra info and support for a vaginal birth may help her then i had to take that chance.
post #22 of 51
Of course you did & good for you for caring enough when so many wouldn't bother.
post #23 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
I would not have been pleased to get something like that after my decision had already been made. I think it would have been better to just let her make her own choices and stay out of it.
It's unlikely her surgery-hungry OB has shared the facts with her. I'd send her the motherfriendly.org cesarean fact sheet to start her thinking. And that's all I'd do. Then I'd send her the link to ICAN and tell her to make sure she lines up a good LC in advance since moms who have c-sections are more likely to have problems breastfeeding.
post #24 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
Did you send this over your business email?

Because I'd have HR on the phone so fast if someone sent me an email on the work system discussing my birth choices, especially if I had made an informed decision and did not wish to discuss this further.
Wow, that's really friendly and rational of you. Someone tries to help you by offering you true and dispassionate information so you turn around and try to get them fired. I'm glad I don't work with you.
post #25 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl View Post
Wow, that's really friendly and rational of you. Someone tries to help you by offering you true and dispassionate information so you turn around and try to get them fired. I'm glad I don't work with you.
And of course you'd feel the exact same way if your co-worker did the same to you about UC?
post #26 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl View Post
Wow, that's really friendly and rational of you. Someone tries to help you by offering you true and dispassionate information so you turn around and try to get them fired. I'm glad I don't work with you.

I agree.

If someone tried to tell me something I didn't agree with, I'd just tell them I'd made my decision and it was really none of their business, but thanks anyway. We do it all the time when someone questions our natural parenting practices, I'm sure the "other side" can do the same without flying totally off the handle.

OP, have you heard back from her yet?
post #27 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by April422 View Post
And of course you'd feel the exact same way if your co-worker did the same to you about UC?
:

I asked earlier how people would react if the email in question had been warning of the risks of home birth. I'm sure the reaction would be very different on MDC if someone had emailed a member discussing the risks of HB or UC. I actually can picture someone saying "Did they use the work email? Because I'd go after their job if someone sent me an email over the work system questioning my home birth, breast feeding, pumping, EC, whatever."

And I don't see myself as being on the "other side"
post #28 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
I'm sure the reaction would be very different on MDC if someone had emailed a member discussing the risks of HB or UC. I actually can picture someone saying "Did they use the work email? Because I'd go after their job if someone sent me an email over the work system questioning my home birth, breast feeding, pumping, EC, whatever."
Well, I guess I'd be the odd one out because my answer would still be the same.
post #29 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by April422 View Post
And of course you'd feel the exact same way if your co-worker did the same to you about UC?
I never take the offer of information personally. If a coworker had sent me an article saying, "I read this about UC and thought you might be interested," I would read it with thanks. If it didn't change my mind (I'm not uninformed, so it would be unlikely that it would), I would tell her that it was interesting and I appreciated her concern, but...(fill in the blank with why I was comfortable with my decision despite the new information).

IMO, people who are offended by information, or even by the calmly-expressed opinions of others that differ from their own, are insecure and afraid.
post #30 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by barefootpoetry View Post
Well, I guess I'd be the odd one out because my answer would still be the same.
Me too. Whenever someone offers me info contradictory to my own choices, I look at it. I'm not doing things my way just for the sake of doing them my way. Maybe I'll learn something. If it isn't useful info (let's say someone sent me the Pang study to try to convince me not to have a homebirth), they have opened a dialog that will allow *me* to educate *them*, and they can't even complain since they started it
post #31 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl View Post
IMO, people who are offended by information, or even by the calmly-expressed opinions of others that differ from their own, are insecure and afraid.
And that's the point right there. No need to go off the deep end over someone's concern.
post #32 of 51
Is anyone else thinking that if this woman is "theoretically" offended by an email about the risks of c-sections, then hopefully as a responsible ADULT, she would confront the person and let them know why, rather than run and tattle to HR?
post #33 of 51
If someone had sent me an email critiquing my birth plan, TRUST ME, going to HR would be the most professional and adult thing I could do.

I guess I'm not as big and forgiving as others here. I honestly don't believe that so many of you would take an email criticizing you as just water off a ducks back. I just don't.
post #34 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
I guess I'm not as big and forgiving as others here. I honestly don't believe that so many of you would take an email criticizing you as just water off a ducks back. I just don't.
I guess I'm just used to it. I mean, from the minute DS was born, all I heard was, "Breastfeeding is so disgusting, I can't believe you're doing that, are you some kind of pervert?" "Cosleeping is going to spoil your child rotten and he'll be sleeping with you until he gets married," "You're not vacinating? Your baby will die of polio!" "What's wrong with letting your 8-month-old drink Kool-Aid and eat french fries?" "You use cloth diapers? GROSS!" "Your kid is going to turn out to be a socially crippled weirdo if you homeschool." "Doesn't your back hurt carrying your baby in that weird African thing? Isn't it more convenient to carry him in his carseat?" And now that I'm planning a homebirth it's all the "OMG HAVEN'T YOU HEARD ABOUT MY SISTER'S FRIEND'S COUSIN WHO BLED TO DEATH AND HER BABY DIED BECAUSE SHE HAD A HOMEBIRTH, WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A DANGEROUS IRRESPONSIBLE THING!!!!" Emails, blog comments, message board posts, face-to-face remarks, you name it.

So, it really doesn't even faze me anymore, like tragic stuff on the news. I just go, "Oh that's nice, thanks for letting me know," and go on my way. If I took the time to get all riled up over every criticism that came my way, I'd never have time to do anything else. For me, it's much healthier to not take so many things personally.
post #35 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl View Post
I never take the offer of information personally. If a coworker had sent me an article saying, "I read this about UC and thought you might be interested," I would read it with thanks. If it didn't change my mind (I'm not uninformed, so it would be unlikely that it would), I would tell her that it was interesting and I appreciated her concern, but...(fill in the blank with why I was comfortable with my decision despite the new information).

IMO, people who are offended by information, or even by the calmly-expressed opinions of others that differ from their own, are insecure and afraid.
I agree. Knowledge is king and I'm always open to learning and gathering more information. If I was this woman and a doctor was thinking of unnecessarily slicing me open -- thereby putting both me and my baby at risk -- I would want other options from people who were educated in the matter. Running to HR would be quite a silly thing to do. I'm a great fan of using logic rather than emotions and wouldn't feel the need to waste HR's time by tattling on a co-worker just to make myself feel better. If employees have issues with one another then they need to work them out themselves. This is how adults should behave.
post #36 of 51
i guess my opinion is that if you're going to talk to people about your choices, you should expect criticism... ive learned to just keep my business to myself, and then i dont have to hear as many unwanted opinions!

I think your email was very nice Good for you for trying to help!
post #37 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
If someone had sent me an email critiquing my birth plan, TRUST ME, going to HR would be the most professional and adult thing I could do.

I guess I'm not as big and forgiving as others here. I honestly don't believe that so many of you would take an email criticizing you as just water off a ducks back. I just don't.
You don't even have to forgive the person. Why not just email the person back and say that you are offended, you think it was inappropriate and advise them not to contact you regarding the matter again. Certainly, if they were to continue to press the issue then going to HR would seem reasonable but why go their first? I just don't get it. You have to control yourself when you address HR so just use that control toward the person in question.
post #38 of 51
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to update that the baby was born via c-section yesterday. 6# 11 ounces. I think mama and baby are both doing fine. She text me a picture last night and asked me to come visit them tomorrow - so obviously she isnt mad about the e-mail thing.

I'm sad for her that after all this that the baby was actually SMALL. Oh well, i need to try and not get so emotional about things i cant control.
post #39 of 51
I have been following this story but haven't felt able to post (I was coerced into a c-section for a baby suspected to be 9lb10oz, she was 9lb8.5oz) as I am not sure what to do (I was so afraid for my baby and under so much pressure from my relatives that even a thread here on MDC with lots of good advice was not able to stop it from happening to me).

I am glad mother and baby seem to be doing fine. Thank you for posting the update.

As for what happened to her......:
post #40 of 51
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlewomyn View Post
I have been following this story but haven't felt able to post (I was coerced into a c-section for a baby suspected to be 9lb10oz, she was 9lb8.5oz) as I am not sure what to do (I was so afraid for my baby and under so much pressure from my relatives that even a thread here on MDC with lots of good advice was not able to stop it from happening to me).
Thank you for sharing this. Ya know I think this partially is the case for her as well - her bf isn’t super supportive and runs his own business so I can imagine from his standpoint that a scheduled thing would be easier. Her best friend also works for the OB, and took the day off to be at the hospital with her - a lot of people worked their life around the baby being born and I can imagine that she felt pretty pressured.
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