all u ladies that do allowences

[asianyoushi]

if u do allowences does the person who makes the money feel like child? as if u shot his ego or something???

i brought up how i think we should have "allowences" so it would be fair in spending-- hubby spends like 400 dollars on stuff every 4-8 weeks and i spend zero. he gets new things, gets fast food meals while at work and other 'wants".

but he is dead set against it-- His point of view" IF I AM WORKING MY @$$ OFF I CAN GET WHAT I WANT... when u contribute u can get what u want....." i really dont think that is fair as i stay home with 2 kids plus being preggo and i do all the cooking cleaning laundry and what not...

how did u convince ur spouse that this was a good way to budget

[wendizbaby]

Before we starting budgeting, my hubby put a percentage of his paycheck in a separate bank account. It equals about $150/month. When I started budgeting, I told him that I think he should give that up so we can put it toward debt. I got the same sort of reaction. SO, the agreement is that he has to buy all of his own clothes, pay for extras we don't need (like his media package on his cell phone) and pay anytime we go out to eat. I figured it out that if I were to save for these things every month, it would probably equal the $150 anyway.

Maybe you can get your dh to come down a bit...like maybe $300 or $250 and then tell him it's up to him to buy any of the "extras".

Good luck!
Wendi

[EarthyMamaofDaisy]

I'm going through the same thing myself DH gets whatever he wants and always has money for cigarettes and beer and soda and fast food. And meanwhile I'm taking care of the kids and clipping coupons and I don't even have jeans to wear. Just sweatpants because all my jeans got huge holes and are worn out. It's soo frustrating.

[Sharlla]

Originally Posted by asianyoushi

but he is dead set against it-- His point of view" IF I AM WORKING MY @$$ OFF I CAN GET WHAT I WANT... when u contribute u can get what u want....." i

Wow, how disrespectful, I wouldn't stand for that. We are a team and the money is both of ours equally, no matter who earned it.

[asianyoushi]

(i contribute money-but its not on a regular basis just whenever i meet the payouts on online email sites and selling thing but i dont keep the money for myself- it goes straight to our account and used for gas,food clothes...) guess i should now.:

[JennaW]

"Wow, how disrespectful, I wouldn't stand for that. We are a team and the money is both of ours equally, no matter who earned it."

: Seriously. While I do work p/t from home now, I will probably be SAHM after our daughter is born and that sort of attitude would not fly. This was a discussion I had with DH before we got married. We both wanted kids, we both wanted me to SAH and it was important to me for him to understand that just because he might bring home the money, doesn't mean he gets 100% say or final say in how it is spent.

[pbjmama]

Sorry you got such a negative response. Perhaps if you used different wording...I like to call ours "discretionary funds".

[Sarah8Jane]

I agree with Sharlla. I see a much bigger problem than convincing your husband to try an allowance. You do contribute to the family; don't allow him to suggest otherwise. SAHMs really do sacrifice alot and sometimes men don't understand that. I mean sure it may be a priority to get him presentable clothes and have money for (a monthly) lunch with his coworkers, but saying that you don't deserve anything because you stay at home is totally wrong. I'm not sure how to change his mindset, but it definitely needs changing.

[greeny]

Wow, how disrespectful, I wouldn't stand for that. We are a team and the money is both of ours equally, no matter who earned it.

I agree with this too.

You should be a team, two people who respect one another and work together towards a common goal. That doesn't mean you'll always agree, but it does mean that you need to listen to each other's ideas and appreciate and respect each other's contributions to your family.

[the_lissa]

Wow I would start charging for child care, cooking cleaning, whatever you do around the house.

[January---]

Wow. If I were you I would go on strike. Stop everything. Only do the bare minimum to keep the children safe, and then see how quickly he realizes all that you truly do "contribute" to the family. It's more than money.

DH and I each have an "allowance" that we get every week to spend on wants. It's just the same as "pocket money" or "spending cash"- no matter what you call it, only it's a set amount per week. We both get the same amount even though I stay at home, and DH supports that fully.

You really have to talk to him about this, how it makes you feel, talk about the long term, your goals as a couple and as a family. Best wishes.

[Danielle283]

Can you just call it the FAMILY'S spending money? Whatever the amount is, say it belongs to the whole family to spend. Just make sure you spend some of it on what you need too, before he uses it all up.

[jlutgendorf]

He really needs to see that the money he earns is FAMILY money. Not just HIS money.

And family money is first applied towards what is best for the family.

Bills, food, health, and finially extras for individuals (if there's anything left over).

I would start invoicing him for YOUR salary. You're a cook, around here, prepared meals brought to you run around $20 a day, per person. A maid who comes by once a week would be between $50-150 depending on what they're doing that week. A *good* live-in, full time nanny is going to be at least $1000 a week, plus they usually get at least one full day or several nights off. A personal assistant would probably run around $600 a week (and would get nights and weekends off, not to mention vacation time).

So that means for one week of work he owes you around $2170. That's YOUR VALUE (and more than I make in a month!).

Maybe that will help him see that his focus is family first, himself second.

~Julia

[SNRPMom]

Removed

[Smokering]

DH and I each get $20 a week to spend on whatever. He usually spends his on chocolate, and on fast food when he goes to his friend's house for dinner every Saturday. It's tight--he had $40 for a while, which gave him a little extra leeway with lunches and work and so on. But we're broke now, so $20 it is!

I don't usually spend all of mine, but it tends to go on milkshakes if I'm in town. I'm pregnant, what can I say? Technically I could draw the $20 every week and save what I don't spend, and buy--I don't know--a fur coat or some snazzy diamonds, in six years or so. But that seems kind of petty, and I don't really care, so I just leave it!

As far as I know, neither of us has a problem with the arrangement. I'm sure we'd both *like* more spending money, but that's the way things go!

[KariM]

For us it's an equity issue as well as a budget issue.

We need to track expendures and bugeting a personal spending line item allows us to do that.

That said, we also believe that the money brought into the family unit belongs to everyone.

For a while early in our marriage I was the primary wage earner. These days it's my DH. In both scenerios, the money wasn't "owned" by the one laboring for it - it belongs to the family.

BTW - our personal spending line item is absolutely equal for every member of our family and is rather frugal. All four of us, the 3 y/o up to DH receive $20/month discretionary spending.