Horrible admission - Page 2

[Subhuti]

chiming in to say, we have a VERY spirited first child, who is now three. now that we have a more mainstream second child, I realize exactly WHAT we've been thru because of my daughter's high needs.

we have gotten SO SO worn down and exhausted by the constant battles, tantrums, screaming. It colors the entire day. When she's at preschool, life gets normal again.

people who don't have a child like this can never understand that it is possible to both love a child and be totally, totally overwhelmed. It is a radically different parenting experience than the norm. my husband and i just realized that it is like we have four kids in stead of two, because our first child is tHAT challenging.

I echo the time/space away mantra. But I know just how hard it is to find a good babysitter and to actually be able to afford one. We've struggled with this. It grates me when people just say "oh, get a sitter." To find one that is really capable and reliable, especially with a high needs child, and then to be able to have the money to do it. .... that is super hard.

i just wanted to say that you are a good mom for being honest for where you're at. I know it'll work out for you because of this...

Liz

[earthie_mama]

I agree that you need some time mama!!! However, I personally leave the crying children with their father. He is the only person other than me I feel comfortable will meet their needs appropriately. Unless I had someone else availble that had been invovled in their lives for a significant period of time. Yeah, it'd be nice to get time with the partner, but really it's heavenly for me to have time alone We have a kind of 'custody' agreement lol even though we are still living together, I get my space, he gets his, and without it I hate to think what my life would be like. I can get very.... depressed, moody and 'edgy' if I don't get proper space. That's certianly not good for anyone.

[dharmamama]

Do you have a therapist to see? I see you post regularly about your extreme frustration with your kids and your feelings of being overwhelmed. Do you have someone that you can process these feelings with?

dm

[thebarkingbird]

i second the therapy suggestion. i have a very spirited autistic 4yo and a very clingy 5mo nurser. i'm in school full time pursuing a fine arts degree. the stress is unbelievable. it was taxing my marriage and physical health. i was starting to wish i could just run away and live in the woods with a sketchbook.

therapy has been a big help. my therapist helps me come up with concrete strategies for communication and also helps sort through which conflicts/stresses are of my own creation and thus under my control and which stresses i just need to roll through.

[savannah smiles]

Originally Posted by CatskillMtnMama

chiming in to say, we have a VERY spirited first child, who is now three. now that we have a more mainstream second child, I realize exactly WHAT we've been thru because of my daughter's high needs.

we have gotten SO SO worn down and exhausted by the constant battles, tantrums, screaming. It colors the entire day. When she's at preschool, life gets normal again.

people who don't have a child like this can never understand that it is possible to both love a child and be totally, totally overwhelmed. It is a radically different parenting experience than the norm. my husband and i just realized that it is like we have four kids in stead of two, because our first child is tHAT challenging.

I echo the time/space away mantra. But I know just how hard it is to find a good babysitter and to actually be able to afford one. We've struggled with this. It grates me when people just say "oh, get a sitter." To find one that is really capable and reliable, especially with a high needs child, and then to be able to have the money to do it. .... that is super hard.

i just wanted to say that you are a good mom for being honest for where you're at. I know it'll work out for you because of this...

Liz

This is very much like my situation, only my older dd is 6 yrs old. I've always felt like she just needs so much of me and it's beyond frustrating to give until you can't give anymore, and still not have it be enough. Yesterday was a tough day with her being in a horrid mood. For most kids, a bad mood means pouting or whining. My dd spent our entire 40 minute wait in the doctor's office loudly telling me to break her umbrella. She just gets stuck with her thoughts sometimes and it's best to just calmly wait them out but I felt real despair as she caused a scene in the crowded waiting room and everyone was looking at us. My 2 yr old was being a sweetheart as usual and drove home how much more work my 6 yr old is vs. a "normal" kid.

[jeca]

I have felt/feel that way before and felt/feel awful about it. I honestly never intended to have a third child so when she arrived I was already pretty upset add that to the fact that she is pretty high needs most of the times and causes the bulk my stress, I can just say I have been there. She was a great baby but turned into a super hyper toddler then a really wild preschooler and now at almost five I feel like I can barely keep up with her and she always seems to be into everything at once. She can be so sweet and loving and then BAM I find myself asking her "why did you do that why?" too often during the day. I just wanted to offer a hug and say your not alone.