Helping our children work through disappointment

[FoxintheSnow]

I feel like Im not good at handling these things.

examples:

I treated ds to a slurpee yesterday and while we were sitting at the park picnic table another kid came up to him out of nowhere and dropped a handful of dirt into his slurpee. Ds was devestated. I gave him a big hug and offered to get him another one later, but he still just looked so sad.

or

The other day we were at an art museum that has special children's activities in different pockets of the museum. Ds was playing with blocks and built this really elaborate tower. Suddenly another kid came up near him (i assumed he was going to play with blocks too as there were plenty to go around) Instead he kicked ds's tower so it all came crashing down and ran away laughing. Ds was sobbing and I don't blame him. I offered to help him rebuild and he reluctantly agreed but he just looked miserable.

I feel like stuff like this happens all the time. I guess it's part of life, but it just sucks. Im afraid he's going to grow up thinking people are all jerks or something.

[mamazee]

Is his disappointment always related to someone being mean to him, as in those two examples? Personally, if it's like that, I'd focus on helping him understand his sense of justice. Like, not just that he's disappointed, but that he's upset because something happened that wasn't fair or right.

But I think you're doing basically what you can. Empathizing and trying to help him find a solution when possible (as in getting another slurpee when you can). But if it were me, I'd be more upset about someone being mean enough to put dirt in my slurpee than losing it.

[ann_of_loxley]

This reminds me of the 'My Friends Tigger and Pooh' show my son watched the other day. Eeyore was sad. All his friends wanted to help make him feel better. They tried everything, but nothing worked. In the end, they realised they would just have to let Eeyore be sad. All Eeyore wanted in the end was just his friends to be there for them - and they were.

There is only so much you can do to help your DS as best as you can. All you can really do is be there for him.

Simple ideas - though I am sure you do these things already:

1). Comfort
2). Come up with a solution together. (I think this is important if your child is capable of helping you come up with a solution together on how perhaps can overcome disapointment. Its nice you offered to buy your DS another slurpee and to help him build another tower but I would make sure you come up with those types of solutions together. So its not just always your solution as your solution may not actually be what your DS wanted but because he kind and giving he just goes with it iyswim) - as the poster above has said, its really more about how the person being mean to your DS has made him feel and not just about replacing a slurpee. So when you come up with solutions together by talking - you can get down to the root of it and not just graze over what is presented on the outside.
3). Talk about it. I think talking about thing is very important - even in pre verbal children. I know my son can hear me at least and sometimes that all that is needed. We talk about how he feels. Maybe how I have felt similarly at times before. And also - how to the other child may feel. I have a friend who loves to do this when her son watches show she may not really approve of - take 'Lazytown' and 'robby rotten' - the 'bad' guy in the show. She helps her three year old put his feet in this television show characters shoes to help him see his point of view. You could help your DS do this to the person who offended him so perhaps he can empathise and try and understand the other person. I am not saying to tell him that those things are okay to do - you can talk about that too, how those actions are not very nice by helping him realise the effect they have on others which is easy to do when its your child who has been affected - but its good to try and understand others as well so you dont grow a chip on your shoulder and dont go around angry and grumpy with the world and the other people in it all the time. If any of that makes sense!

and perhaps thats all you can do. In the end - sometimes we just need to feel the way we feel and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Feelings pass eventually.