I have to choose between feeding myself and my baby

[waiting2bemommy]

I work in an elementary school with children with special needs. I and another TA accompany our lower functioning kids to lunch to help them as needed. Since I've been back from maternity leave, I've been eating a lunch or snack along with the kids, always helping them first, of course. Honestly after I open their milks, cut their food, etc. there's nothing to do but watch them eat. So I will eat as well. this way I don't have to starve until 3 oclock, since I use my 30-minute lunch to go feed my son at home.

Apparently some people feel that I'm being "ridiculous" or "over the top" by doing this AND taking a 10-minute break in the mornings to pump. I never complain, even on days when I have to sit on the bathroom floor to pump, or when I'm engorged from not getting to pump on time. When we went of a field trip I was in so much pain from not pumping or nursing for 9 hours and when I asked ahead of time about pumping she said "oh I guess you can't pump that day; we won't be here all day." I always do my job first and eat if there's time left over. I do my best to come back on time from lunch although I admit that I'm 5 minutes late sometimes.

Now I was told that this qualifies as taking two lunches and I am not to eat at all while the kids are eating. I explained that I don't have time to eat on my lunch and that I always do my work first, but I know they think the "whole breatfeeding thing" is kind of silly. Multiple people have told me formula is jsut as good and "any breastmilk he gets is ok." They think I should just go ahead and supplement a little to avoid all this "complication." And it was pointed out to me that there are no breastfeeding laws, so they're doing me a "favor" letting me pump (even though i come in early or leave late to make up the time).I don't feel that way. There really isn't anything I can do; I'm just aggravated. I know that it's the REASON behind my eating that irritates them, because lots of other staff do it as well for other reasons and there is no issue. I guess I'm just venting...but maybe someone else can commiserate with me. I was STARVING today, let me tell you.

[mom2snugbugs]

First- Hugs mama!!

I was a SPED TA before I was a SPED teacher, and let me tell you, TA's get no respect, regardless of your situation.

Labor laws mandate that you get a 1/2 hr. lunch and 2 15 min. breaks.

Who is giving you this information? That it is silly and over the top and formula is just as good. Because what you do on your breaks is your business. And not their's. Nothing illegal, of course, but how many of your co-workers are using their breaks to smoke, and then come back with smoke on their clothes and breath? That's not illegal, but it sure isn't healthy for them or the children they work with (BTDT- yuck!)

I would print off some literature how BF-ing will not only help your baby, but you will be healthier, and therefore miss less days. It is very difficult to get a SPED TA sub. Also, formula is NOT just as good- I would print that literature also. If the person who is telling you all this stuff is your supervisor, I'd go above her. Also find out what the laws are exactly where you live.

Hope this helps.


Also- eating with children is a good way to teach social skills, table manners, and the like. This way you won't seem like a "warden" or something hanging over them while they eat. Whoever said you can't eat with the children is off their rocker. Remember when you were a kid and you were so exited when your teacher ate with you? But I digress.

[YummyYarnAddict]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. It's just infuriating.

Do you belong to a union? Could you get a doctor's note indicating that it's a medical necessity for you to take breaks to pump? By not pumping you increase your risk of mastitis, not just your own physical discomfort, and that could mean time off of work. Is that worth bedgruding you a couple of breaks a day? Who is complaining? The teachers you work with? The principal? If it's the teacher, have you gone to the principal? Could you go to the PTO or the school board? If you work with younger children you might find sympathetic parents who will go to bat for you.

Being able to provide your child with breastmilk is not a luxury, it's a right (for mother and child) when so desired. I hope they come to understand this.

[honeybunch2k8]

What state do you live in? No breastfeeding laws? Hmmm...

Maybe you could call someone from the local LLL to set them straight about formula and the risks of not pumping or feeding regularly (painful engorgement, supply problems) etc.

[mama24-7]

Hugs to you. You are doing such a wonderful thing for your child They should be congratulating you!

Like others asked, who is telling you what you can/can't do? And, like someone else said, you get a certain number of breaks based on your work hours. It's no ones business what you are doing on the breaks, just like they'll say it's not your business if someone smokes on theirs & probably takes more time for smoking than you do!

Is there someone else in the building who has pumped who can give you a little back up & possibly tell you who you can talk to that will support you? And, get a note from your health care provider or your baby's doctor. Don't put yourself through not pumping for 9 hours again & risk mastitis. And, if you do have to go into a situation where you can't pump, look into learning how to hand express so that you can relieve the engorgement & lessen the risk of plugged ducts/infection. An LLL Leader can help with that & there are probably places on the internet to find out how to do it.

Lastly, good for you for not being swayed by the naysayers. You know what you are doing is right. Keep up the good work!!!

Sus

[eclipse]

Can you eat and pump at the same time? That's what I used to do when I pumped on my lunch break - I had a hands free pumping kit so that I could just hook myself up and go.

Alternately, you can get a doctor's note saying that you require x amount of break time every x amount of hours. If you are elligible for FMLA, this will really help you.

What state are you in?

[saimeiyu]

I may be wrong on this... BUT...
If the school uses any federal funding at all, they may be REQUIRED to give you time to pump; just like it's illegal to interfere w/a BFing mom on Federal property, it may be required that they allow you to pump at least once or twice a day.

I know all four branches of the military are required to allow you time to pump if Ops tempo can handle it.

I would take it from the approach that YOU are doing THEM a FAVOR by pumping for your baby so you can work. Otherwise, well, you'd just have to use sick days all the time to care for your sick baby.

I would also cry EQUAL OPPORTUNITY FOUL. It's discrimination. Period.

[SwanMom]

It's none of their business how you feed your baby. If you're a lactating woman, you're going to need to take care of your physical needs. How long and how much you breastfeed is between you, your baby, and if you want, a health-care provider.

I'm a teacher and I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I'm so sorry! Take your pump along on the next field trip--you'll at least be able to pump in a bathroom.

You can do it!

[rmzbm]

Great advice above, nothing to add but - that sounds so frusterating.

[marfmom]

ARrrhhh! I am frustrated for you. My son is in a special needs school and the TA's always eat with the students, in fact it's encouraged, my son had several feeding issues and modeling eating was included in his IEP. I often go along with my son on field trips and nurse his younger brother, no one's ever batted an eye. Would you like me to send my eight year old, the one with special needs over to your bosses to explain the benefits of breastfeeding and the need to eat often. He's been one of my biggest supporters (I think mostly because it keeps his little brother quiet) I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer my support. My dh sits on the board of my son's school, would you like me to have him give them a lesson on the benefits of bfing and you're baby's rights? They really should be thanking you. I'm coming across all garbled aren't I ? I just can't imagine what they're thinking.

Anyway, hugs to you, you're welcome to pump, nurse, eat with and teach my child anytime!

[guestmama9904]

how awful mama, so sorry that your job and our public school systems dont have any knowledge or real care about our childrnes well being. i think pumping is a physical need, not an optional thing, especially if dc is under 1 year old. you could actually get a serious case of mastitis if you don't empty your breasts which theorhetically could result in many days of absenteeism at work due to needing an iv of antibiotics at the hospital. perhaps this argument will help them understand? i struggles with recurrent mastitis and it was at times debilitating, i wasn't back at work though so i simply cannot fathom how you can do it. can you contact local legal aid society and get a free legal consult on your rights in this situation?

[mytwogirls]

Hey dear, welcome to my world! I just quit my labor delivery job because I was not allowed to pump...and that was AFTER I got a doc. note. Now I work for him at his ob office. See my thread "Pumping at the wrong time" I know that quitting is probably not a possibility for you, so maybe try a note from your OB/GYN office to start. I would seriously look into this. It sucks. I know because I was JUST in that situation a week ago and now, thankfully, I am not anymore. I just work weekends, but still I can relate to your situation. HUGS mama! You are doing a great, selfless thing for your baby.

[waiting2bemommy]

Thanks all of you for your encouragement. I was pretty upset yesterday.

The teacher I work with is actually a very sweet person. I don't think *she* has a problem with me pumping per se, but she is young (24) and has no kids yet and the whole idea of breastfeeding and pumping sounds like a lot of trouble to her....she's not against it but she doesn't "get" why someone would do all that. It was someone else who complained to her about me eating, and she passed it on to me. She would have had no way of knowing, since she takes her lunch at the same time as the kids (in teh staff lounge, or with her fiace, or whatever). The other TA takes lunch at 11:30, and I take mine when the kids get back from lunch, at 12:30.

FWIW, no one in the building gets 2 15-minute breaks unless their kids are at specials or something (like art, music, etc). We may have down times but there are no official breaks except for 30-min. lunch. No one that I know of takes a smoke break. The other girl at work who breastfeeds supplements with a bottle of formula in the morning, and goes home to nurse at lunch. i asked when she eats and she says she doesn't. She also --almost proudly-- told me that she is 20 lbs underweight.

There are a lot of issues with our special ed dept and the lack of respect by the admin. towards the kids and staff...misplaced kids, lack of adaptive supplies, lack of support, unreasonable demands on the teacher to write IEP's on extermely short notice...so there is a lot going on. I think givenn the situation my ds will probably be starting solids over the summer, because I don't think people will be too thrilled to have me pumping again in the fall, and if I leave this job, I won't be able to come home and nurse at lunch (this job is only 5-10 minutes from my house).

It's a frustrating situation, yep.

[readytobedone]

wow, their behavior is completely unacceptable. you should talk to the principal, school board, anyone you can about this. i myself would write a letter prominently featuring the word "attorney."

PP is right--it's sex discrimination, since only women can breastfeed.

i don't believe that there are no laws to protect you. there has to be something!

[guestmama9904]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

... I think givenn the situation my ds will probably be starting solids over the summer, because I don't think people will be too thrilled to have me pumping again in the fall, and if I leave this job, I won't be able to come home and nurse at lunch (this job is only 5-10 minutes from my house).

It's a frustrating situation, yep.

just as an fyi solid food probably won't supplement what your son is getting from bm because at 6 month or so they can only eat so much solids.

if there really is no way to negotiate pumping breaks, which i think you might be able to negotiate with an md's note and speaking to some higher ups in the dept., maybe you could eat while working. not ideal, but just sort of quietly munch on a power bar or somthing nutrient dense and maybe make a nutrient packed smoothie and put it in a nalgene and carry that with you so you can pump during your lunch break.

[Paigekitten]

Don't labor laws apply to your job? I know most in most states, with most jobs, you get two breaks and a lunch, and if you can't be completely relieved of all duties it doesn't count as a lunch. So eating with your class wouldn't count as two lunches.

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by arismama!

just as an fyi solid food probably won't supplement what your son is getting from bm because at 6 month or so they can only eat so much solids.

What about at 9 months? If I leave some pureed foods for him like applesauce, mashed bananas, etc, he won't be able to handle that? He'll be 9 months when I return to work in the fall. The good thing about this job is that I get out in mid-June and I'll have all summer to breastfeed as he pleases.

[eclipse]

Only one of my three kids was eating significant amount of solids at that age, and even she needed pumped milk while I was gone.

[Bellejar]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

Thanks all of you for your encouragement. I was pretty upset yesterday.

The teacher I work with is actually a very sweet person. I don't think *she* has a problem with me pumping per se, but she is young (24) and has no kids yet and the whole idea of breastfeeding and pumping sounds like a lot of trouble to her....she's not against it but she doesn't "get" why someone would do all that. It was someone else who complained to her about me eating, and she passed it on to me. She would have had no way of knowing, since she takes her lunch at the same time as the kids (in teh staff lounge, or with her fiace, or whatever). The other TA takes lunch at 11:30, and I take mine when the kids get back from lunch, at 12:30.

FWIW, no one in the building gets 2 15-minute breaks unless their kids are at specials or something (like art, music, etc). We may have down times but there are no official breaks except for 30-min. lunch. No one that I know of takes a smoke break. The other girl at work who breastfeeds supplements with a bottle of formula in the morning, and goes home to nurse at lunch. i asked when she eats and she says she doesn't. She also --almost proudly-- told me that she is 20 lbs underweight.

There are a lot of issues with our special ed dept and the lack of respect by the admin. towards the kids and staff...misplaced kids, lack of adaptive supplies, lack of support, unreasonable demands on the teacher to write IEP's on extermely short notice...so there is a lot going on. I think givenn the situation my ds will probably be starting solids over the summer, because I don't think people will be too thrilled to have me pumping again in the fall, and if I leave this job, I won't be able to come home and nurse at lunch (this job is only 5-10 minutes from my house).

It's a frustrating situation, yep.

I would tak to someone at your state Department of Labor, breaks are mandated and if they don't give them to you it is illegal - regardless of who else is taking them. If they are going to be silly about this you should assert your rights.

[SwanMom]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

What about at 9 months? If I leave some pureed foods for him like applesauce, mashed bananas, etc, he won't be able to handle that? He'll be 9 months when I return to work in the fall. The good thing about this job is that I get out in mid-June and I'll have all summer to breastfeed as he pleases.

Depends on the child. If you can get him to reverse cycle, that would be good. I haven't had any luck until lately. He's 13 months old and I'm still pumping 2-3 times while I'm at work. I fed him during my lunch until he was a year. He eats a ton of solids now, but still nurses constantly when I'm home.

Have you talked to your principal? HR? Your colleagues may complain about it, but they are not the authority, and it is none of their business.