MIL wants to come to the birth

[wednesday]

But this isn't one of those "OMG how could she be so presumptuous" threads.
I love her and I think it could be very special for her to be there. But I'm worried her presence could possibly be inhibiting to me. I brought up with DH that his mom wants to come and I'm thinking about it. He asked, "You want my mom to see you poop?" I was like, "But you said I didn't poop when DS was born!" He goes, "Uh...." I so knew he lied about that.

OTOH, we do want DS to be present as much as he's comfortable with, and it would be fantastic if another adult were there to be support for him if he needs it. Up until now I'd only expected DH and the two midwives to be there, we were not going to have a doula or anyone else.

Thoughts?

[danotoyou2]

My MIL was present throughout my first labor, and she was the BEST!

I would have had her at my second, but we were going through a rocky patch in our relationship (we opened a business together, 'nuff said) and I already had two midwives, apprentice midwife, doula and DH.

If my son were going to be there, I would definitely want another adult around just in case he got scared or needed care (and you want DH by your side). Who better than your MIL that you're comfortable with?

[sapphire_chan]

You're comfortable with her generally and she'd have a valid job to do during the birth. I think that if you need an adult there specifically to help with ds, she'd be a good choice.

And I'd bet that she'd be willing to stay at the end away from the action if you asked.

[MrsAprilMay]

If you want your son there, I agree that it would be best to have an adult there just for him. Which adult you have there is up to you. It should be someone who you are comfortable with.
Have you ever heard of Ina May's sphincter law? Your husband was right on with the "would you like her to see you poop?" thing.

The uterus works just like other sphincter muscles such as the bladder and bowel. Imagine having to use the restroom with people, perhaps some you’ve meet for the first time, all gathered around the toilet watching you, "coaching you," or yelling at you to push or relax. Odds are you would suddenly loose the urge to do anything and get out of that situation as soon as possible. To demonstrate to the people in her childbirth class what it’s like for women to give birth in public, like a hospital, Lisa Goldstein, a midwife in rural North Carolina showed the group of men and women a $50 bill, she then put a bowl in the center of the circle. She told the men that the first to come to the bowl and urinate in front of the group could keep the $50. She said that no man has ever accepted her offer.6 Ina May Gaskin, famous midwife and author describes this phenomenon as the Sphincter Law, which states that for any sphincter muscle to do its job you must be in an atmosphere of intimacy and privacy, which makes you feel safe and relaxed. She directly correlates this phenomenon to the uterus and the birth process.
In her book Ina May's Guide to Childbirth she reflects on a birth she attended where the woman was transported to the hospital. The client was seven centimeters dilated on arrival but her cervix shrank back to four centimeters after a rough internal exam performed without permission by a male doctor. The woman never regained her dilation and had to have surgery to remove the baby. This cessation is a result of adrenaline that is released when a woman is upset, frightened, humiliated, or self-conscious. It can also prevent a woman from dilating at all.7
http://www.nchomebirth.com/art-safety.html