What would you do if...

[Oriole]

...your teenage daughter told you she is pregnant? or teenage son told you he is going to be a dad?
How would your partner react?
Have you ever talked about it with your teenagers?

Just curious.

[PoppyMama]

Inside I would be sad, scared and a little disappointed but on the outside I would hug them and tell them that it will be hard but everything will be ok in long run. Everyone ends up loving and happy about a baby so I see no reason to make anyone suffer. I had a friend who told me that when she went to her conservative parents to tell them she was pregnant (she was 19, unmarried and living in the midwest) her father hugged her and told her that everyone would be happy about it eventually and so she shouldn't worry and to just be excited. I have always held that up as a great, unselfish parenting moment.

[DreamsInDigital]

My oldest son is (almost 9) so I'm not quite the mom of a pre-teen just yet, but DH and I have had this discussion together, as well as had a discussion with our son. I have three sons and a daughter and have thought about it a lot, for each of them.
I was a teen mom myself, and I thought of all the things I wished my parents had said and done rather than yelling at me, calling me names and making me feel like a terrible person.
I would absolutely, 100% unconditionally support my child in whatever choice they made. If they chose to keep the baby, I would be there 100% to help them along the way. But, I would not raise the baby for them. I would expect them to get a job or continue their education in some way. If the other parent of the baby wanted for them to live together, I would do everything I could to help them. If their parents kicked them out, I would open my home to them. I would do everything I could to ensure my child did not have the struggles I had as a teen parent.

[ewins24]

At 1st I would be heartbroken that she would be losing so much of her teenage life. I would love her and support her and we would help her raise the baby if she wanted our help that way. We would deal with it. I would have to have time to grieve but I would never kick her out of degrade her. I would cry, cry but support her and love her.

Just yesterday we were at the Aquarium and DD1 (14) was hold DD3 (10mths) and someone asked her how old her baby was! I was sitting right there and I almost fell off my chair! But in reality the baby could be hers. It brought up the topic for us last night and we had a great talk about it.

[forthebest]

I have 2 dd's 15 and 11 and ds is 10. I have talked to them about whether they would like to be parents one day and about contraception and about having relationships with someone that cares for them rather than just having sex for the sake of it. About waiting a bit and not being pressurised into sex at an early age, like I was.We've talked about the pressures of having children in a money-driven world, about how it can be a stressful experience if you are not supported or are abandoned and are poor, homeless etc all things I experienced while bringing up my dc. About how raising dc should be a 2-person(at least) job, not necessarily a man and a woman,how children need to be looked after, cherished, nurtured. I would fully support my dc should pregnancy occur at any age, I would want to be positive for them, I would probably help as much as I could but not fulltime childcare but part-time probably to enable them to work or college or whatever to enable them to look after themselves and their baby. I would be dissapointed if they were very young but I would do my utmost to not inflict any more pressure on my dc. I'm hoping they will use condoms to lessen transmission of std's as well as prevent unplanned pregnancy, I hope and pray my dc will find loving relationships with people who care about them in life, thats all I can do at moment.

[ArielMomma]

Originally Posted by Oriole

...your teenage daughter told you she is pregnant? or teenage son told you he is going to be a dad?
How would your partner react?
Have you ever talked about it with your teenagers?

We have talked about it a few times. I told them their options would be adoption, abortion or taking care of the child. The decision would ultimately be theirs to make and I would support them 110% with whatever they chose.

I meant what I told them. I would be there no matter what they chose and I would help them anyway I could.

[jeanieloz]

If DS told me he got a girl pregnant, I would be disappointed at first, then I would want to talk to her and her parents about it.
I would really want to see how she and her parents feel about it before I would summarize my own feelings and reaction, especially since I don't have girls, and I cannot completley relate to being a mother to a teen girl who is pregnant.
I would want to work with them as much as possible, and give them the support that they would need, regardless of the decision about the pregnancy, or baby to come.
I talk openly with this to my boys and do tell them that sex and reproduction prevention is more their responsibility, than the girls. And that they need to be aware and responsible over their actions.

[UnschoolnMa]

I'd be suprised, and maybe a few other emotions too, but I'd be there for them. I'd ask what their thoughts or plans were. I'd offer my thoughts to them. We'd just take it one step at a time.

I was 14 when I had to tell my mom and Dad I was pregnant with Ds. Very very hard.

[cjanelles]

I think I would be very careful to be very straightforward with my kids about the reality of the situation, but try as hard as I could to not come off as judgmental.

I got pregnant at 17 and my mom pretty much flew off the handle. We had been very close and I know she was disappointed because she "thought she taught me better." I ended up moving out of the house for several weeks because she was constantly snarky and sarcastic and mean about the pregnancy. I eventually moved back home, and we repaired our relationship, but it was really difficult for me to be 17 yrs old and depending on my friends for support--financial and emotional.

SO--with my personal experience in mind--I hope that I would handle things differently with my kids, should they ever be faced with the same challenge.

I'm pretty frank with my big kids (11 and 15) about how getting pregnant so early effected my life. We talk openly about sex and the consequences. I am not naive enough to think that my kids won't make their own choices, I just hope they are smarter than I was...

[PancakeGoddess]

wow, unschoolma, very tough. Someone close to me was a teen and went through this (although an older teen). People are incredibly unfeeling when young women find themselves pregnant by surprise, asking rude questions they'd never ask an older woman or someone planning the pregnancy. (such as, before saying Congrats, saying Who's the Father?? )

[Marcee]

While I would be shocked, I dont think that I would hit the roof. I had a friend that got pregnant our Jr. year of High school. With the support of his family and hers. Both she and the father graduated school and went on to college. He played football and she was even a cheerleader. They got married, graduate college, and had 2 more kiddos and are still together. So while I know not everything is a happily ever after I know that it would not be the end of the world either.

My oldest is 12 and talks about the Air Force Academy as a future goal. He knows that he can not be a dad and attend there. But if the his choices lead him down another path I will support him and help him make the best life he can for himself and my future grandchild and the baby's mother.

[Arduinna]

I'd say congratulations first. Mainly because I remember being 25 and finding out I was pregnant with dd and the firs thing my mom asked was if I was going to keep it. : Yea I was single and not in a LTR with the father, but still. Not the first thing anyone wants to hear. Regardless.

I'd probably just listen and see what she had to say. How she was feeling. I'd ask if she needed anything. I'd follow her lead.

[Serendipity]

hugs first, information about options second, then hugs again. no judgment.

i was 16 when i had to tell my parents i was pregnant. i was living with just my dad and i basically just handed him the paper (from planned parenthood that said i had taken a positive pregnancy test) and went to my room and laid down on my bed and cried. he came in a few minutes later and laid behind me hugged me and said it would all be ok

we never talked about options though, it was just assumed i would have and keep the baby and looking back on it i kind of wished they hadn't assumed that and presented it more as a choice. i would have kept him anyway, but i think it would be nice for a pregnant teen not to feel too cornered.

if my son tells me he has gotten a girl pregnant, i might have a heart attack-lol! honestly, after being a pregnant teen i think having one would really freak me out but we'd deal. i think the circumstances would make a big difference....

[Cherie2]

what I did do

Well I can tell you what I did do .... a couple of weeks after dd's 16th birthday she found out she was pregnant.

I think my eyes just kind of bulged out and I probably said something like "oh my god"

She knew already that I would support her in whatever decision she made. She was getting all kinds of reactions from all kinds of people so I just tried to be by her side and give her space to work through her thoughts and feelings. Her partners mom was all kinds of excited about the baby. (her son was 18 at the time) I think partly because her dd can never have children.

My mom was so against it. She would have marched her right down to the abortion clinic if she had her way. Between her and my sister the kids got a lot of encouragement to end the pregnancy.

Personally I felt torn. I knew she was too young, not ready for this much responsibility, her relationship was too unstable, our financial situation was awful... but to me ... personally.. down deep in my heart.. a baby that is growing inside of body is a miracle beyond miracle.

She already had one abortion at age 14 (to that pregnancy I reacted so disappointed and distraught .. her boyfriend was 20 years old and they were strung out on meth, that was a horrible horrible situation)

So I tried to stay neutral, support any decision she made. They decided to keep the baby. I supported her decision and told her I would be there for her whatever she needed. After a couple of months she had one day that she changed her mind and had decided to have an abortion. I told her I would be there for her whatever she needed. The next day she changed her mind back.

She did wonderfully during her pregnancy, she completely embraced it and read spiritual midwifery and other great books, watched her
health and exercise, took not even an aspirin, and vowed to have natural child birth. The actual child birth was somewhat traumatic in
that it took over 40 hours and we ended up at the hospital for an epidural, the baby was born with meconium in his lungs and they did
not get to see each other for a couple of hours after he was born.

But they bonded and the three of them are still living with us. Baby is 2 now and a wonderful loving little boy. She has her struggles but I don't think it has as much to do with the baby as it has to do with her personal struggles. They are still trying to get on their feet but I have faith that they will all be just fine.

[laoxinat]

I would absolutely support her in every way I could, same with DS. It's hard enough to face all the responsibilty for another life without parents going off on you. I am so very heartened by all the loving responses As a PP said, a baby is a miracle to be celebrated, not a burden. I think my DD is even more determined to wait because she doesn't have that sense of the forbidden. When they no longer have that to push against, I think teens are much more likely to be responsible, careful and to use reliable BC consistently.

[xixstar]

me? I'd be really dissapointed. Mostly cause this is a subject that comes up again and again in our house -- I was a teen mom (just turned 15 before dd was born) and have tried to make it clear the impact that had on my choices and my life (including dd's life).

But, that'd be the extent of it and would move on over to support because what else is there to do?

[dawningmama]

I hope for as much grace as my own mother showed me when I informed her of my unintended pregnancy.

I hope I would be able to mask any initial shock and disappointment and offer love and hugs, followed by calm talk about options, followed by more love and hugs.

My oldest child it 10, though. This is all just speculation at this point.

[BedHead]

My husband would probably freak. I would freak inside but hold it back and do whatever I could to help.

[double feature]

I have talked about this with my daughters. I know what they would decide ultimately (they would most likely opt for abortions), but I would support them with whatever they chose to do anyway.

[MattFehy]

I think that people are wholly responsible for their choices, which includes teens. Ultimately I would comfort the child, if the father decided to take off, well he'd be the one that should worry about fury, not the pregnant daughter. I wouldn't disown the child, probably wouldn't freak out too much and conclude that it's going to change their lives, so really the punishment is in the act itself.