curious..... - Page 2

[Oriole]

I think people should give gifts from the heart. Since when making someone smile on their birthday became obligation vs. a joyous, heartfelt event? DP doesn't even like going for a casual visit empty-handed, even without a birthday. I hope our values will rub off on DSD (15).

*** You RSVP because other people have invited you, and are planning a party and it's helpful to them to know whether or not you are coming.

*** You bring a gift, because you are invited to someone's special day. It will make them smile, and remind them about their special day.

I hope DSD will never find it a chore to bring someone a thoughtful present on their day.

[3boysmom]

My oldest ds (will be 17 in a few weeks) has just been through an entire year of girls' "sweet 16" parties. Around here, they are huge affairs. You must present your invitation to the bouncer at the door (who will also check you for any liquor before letting you enter) or you are not allowed in - too many party crashers, I guess. If you lose your invite, you might as well stay home! You are not allowed to re-enter once you leave (again, to prevent any drinking or drug use). Live bands in a rented space or country club/restaurant is not uncommon. Anyway, I was appalled when ds brought home yet another engraved invite...this one stating that if you did not have a gift, you would not be allowed in! I could not believe that this girl's parents would actually allow her to send out such a thing! Unbelievable! Now, around here, even teens still bring gifts to birthday parties (at least the ones we know) so I was completely expecting to send a gift but I found this DEMAND to be outrageous! Of course, ds took a lovely gift and never got any sort of acknowledgement or thank you at all. Unbelievable!

[MillingNome]

The no gift thing does not bother me in the least. It goes both ways. No child is every required to send a gift and I get the feeling that dd really doesn't care about that part. She just wants to hang out and have fun with her friends. She will of course not turn down a gift and does love gift cards. Dd usually goes with a gift but sometimes she does not. She makes the call and deals with fallout, if any.

The RSVP thing would/does bother me just for the planning purposes and as a sign of consideration. Once again, dd handles that and all I need it a head count. Last Halloween that system did not work so great. Kids said they would be showing up and did not. Not cool.

[Alkenny]

I agree that it's usually something 'outgrown' by high school (around here anyways). I find that the kids don't even 'advertise' it as a birthday party, as that conjures up 'kiddie' parties with clowns and balloons. It's more of a 'hey, I'm having a party, wanna come' deal.

[UUMom]

In the past few years, my oldest ds and his friends agree not to give gifts at all. There are a lot of b'day parties and the kids just want to get together. For ds' high school graduation party, we told kids it was a no gift affair. Our adult friends brought mostly money gifts, and one teen friend brought a bank, someone else brought cookies etc.

Of course, sometimes kids bring gifts-- usually a girl does--- and they tend to be simple-- stuffed animals or maybe an earring etc. (Most of the boys have some ear or ears pierced).

I don't think teens need to get each other gifts. It's a waste of money, imo.

Oh, and PG, cash in cards for the 10-12 yr old kid b'days is pretty standard. That or gift cards.

[KaraBoo]

I don't have a problem with someone not bringing a gift. however, I think the lack of courtesy is disturbing. If you say you are coming to a party, show up. And if you can't make it, at least call.

[Labbemama]

What about for a graduation party? If you go must you take a gift? If so what is "enough?"
We don't have a lot of money so some of dd's friends have taken to making each other gifts.

I have had kids come to dd's bday party without a gift. I thought that was odd too...I have also had my kid go to a party and didn't know it was a bday and boy did I feel bad about that.

[NiteNicole]

Big parties were not common with my friends after we got old enough to drive. Generally, your friends would take you out to dinner or something, anything but having a party which would have been considered dorky. Kids seem to enjoy much more fuss so I'm sure parties are back in again. All the same, I wouldn't think a sixteen year old would expect gifts. Maybe from your best besties, but from everyone?

Also, as I understand it, you give gifts for graduations unless you have someone graduating in your family - so your kid wouldn't be expected to give to other graduates.

[aniT]

Originally Posted by MamaLisa1

Thank you notes are included in that. I don't think kids these days ever send thank you's anymore. I have relatives who I used to send birthday/Christmas gifts to, and have since stopped because I never find out if it even arrived!

I am 37 and have never sent a thank you note in my life. They irritate me to no end. I said thank you at the time I opened the gift, why do I need to send you a card saying thank you again?

Ok off the read the thread..

[Strong Mama]

P.S. - I find my teens and their friends to be incredibly kind and full of giving gestures. They may not bring a gift to a party, but when my daughter had her wisdom teeth out no fewer than 10 friends stopped by with milkshakes and puddings for her sore mouth. If my son leaves school with a scowl on his face, his phone rings all afternoon with calls from people making sure he is ok. I find the teens I know to be more kind and considerate than many of the adults I come into contact with.

I agree with this and this is so positive! My teen and his friends are all the same..he cant even skip a day of school without 100 people calling or texting him asking whats up, does he need anything, they missed him.

If mine took a gift to every party he goes to..wed be broker than broke. Plus we make him pay for stuff like that..and he aint parting with what little he gets! LOL and he thinks its lame to bring a card or present. now if it was his BEST friend, he probably would, but thats about it.

[aniT]

OK.. The RSVP thing would bother me. I have had that happen before, often actually. Many people don't RSVP and then you have tons of stuff left over cause you have to plan for everyone.

I have had people show up for parties without gifts. I just assumed the parents couldn't afford them. It is more important to DD that her friends are there than the gifts.

My oldest DD is 14 and her friend had a BD around Christmas. She (I) bought her a gift.. since it was Chrstimas it was just a $10 pair of earrings.. but DD said she was the only one to get her a gift. I think it made her friend feel special though. DD hasn't had a BD since they have been friends... we will see what happens.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by Alkenny

I agree that it's usually something 'outgrown' by high school (around here anyways). I find that the kids don't even 'advertise' it as a birthday party, as that conjures up 'kiddie' parties with clowns and balloons. It's more of a 'hey, I'm having a party, wanna come' deal.

Yep that is my experience also. Gifts just aren't really expected, it's much more of a hang out type thing.

[emelsea]

Originally Posted by aniT

I am 37 and have never sent a thank you note in my life. They irritate me to no end. I said thank you at the time I opened the gift, why do I need to send you a card saying thank you again?

Ok off the read the thread..

I agree that if someone gives my child (or myself) a gift in person, and it is opened in front of that person and "Thank you for the XYZ" is said in person, I don't insist on my DS sending a thank you note.

But most of our family lives far away and gifts usually arrive in the mail. In that case, I do insist on that DS write a note because I want the giver to know that it arrived and that he appreciated the effort someone put out to remember his special day.

Likewise, when I send someone a gift, I appreciate a note or even a phone call to let me know it arrived. I hate having to call and say "ummm...did you get the thing I sent you?", but I don't generally send cheap stuff, and if something was lost in the mail, I want to know!

[debbieh]

First of all, I think cash is totally acceptable. Especially for teens. My dc always appreciated it, so they could go shopping and buy what they wanted. I agree that no one RSVP's anymore. And that makes it hard to plan, especially as far as the food goes. But then, in my business, I have clients that make appointments, and then never call or come. So if the parents are acting that way, what can we expect the kids to do?
My 17 yo dd has had a couple of kids come and not bring anything. But for the most part, they bring a card with cash, or a gift card. And I have to agree, I would never send one of my dc to a party with no gift!

[harrietsmama]

I grew up with a very etiquette conscious family. I always rsvp, and we make an effort to do thank you cards. I don't like the gift thing and haven't figured out what to do. More on the receiving end that is. We live in an area that for the most part doesn't share a lot of our values. My dd gets all kinds of vinyl dolls and stuff like that. My son got some cool car & stuff. I like the idea of bringing cans to donate. On the gift giving end, my dh and I are both disabled and we have very little budget. My kids make their own cards and often the gift. Fortunately grandma loves that my kids are not greedy for toys and goes bananas gifting them arts & crafts supplies which makes it easy to make our gifts!