boyfriend/girlfriend stuff in your child's K-3 class

[meowee]

If you are aware of it, how much boyfriend/ girlfriend stuff is in your child's K-3 class? I've been surprised by how much of this is in my DD's grade 3 class and even my DD K's class. When I was in school it started around grade 5-6, so K-3 seems soon, to me.

[supervee]

None here. But my sister had a "boyfriend" in kindergarten in the early 80s.

[MattBronsil]

I had a girlfriend growing up. 2, actually. They were the girls that lived next door to me. They were sisters. We were supposed to get married. It never happened

Many people are surprised to hear about boyfriend/girlfriend at this early age. It's a fun time. Enjoy it before the real thing happens in their teens and you're faced with "love" : "daydreaminess" and breakups.

Matt

[mata]

there's too much. my dd is in second grade, and has had boys attempt to give her money and trinkets (which she knows not to accept,) tell her she's "hot," and one little fellow was camped out on our doorstep each morning to walk her to school, when he lived a mile in the opposite direction!
I put the kabash on all of it as much as possible. Because although it might seem cute, it seems like they quickly swing to the opposite emotional extreme-one day they're in love with her, then if they she hasn't returned the feeling they become nasty toward her. It's crazy that she's dealing with this at age 7!

[meowee]

Originally Posted by mata

I put the kabash on all of it as much as possible. Because although it might seem cute, it seems like they quickly swing to the opposite emotional extreme-one day they're in love with her, then if they she hasn't returned the feeling they become nasty toward her. It's crazy that she's dealing with this at age 7!

I agree-- just because they're young doesn't make it fun an innocent. I was extremely emotional and vulnerable at that age.

[bu's mama]

DD is in K...not so much. I have to say the teachers in her class do a great job of encouraging play with everyone & the class is really a cohesive group.

A neighbor's son is now in 3rd or 4th grade & has had a 'girlfriend' for at least 2 years. It's more like his best girl friend not a girlfriend, but yeah it seems a little young.

[mommy68]

My middle child was in 2nd grade in a public school for that year (several years ago) and the kids talked about each other in a boy/girlfriend way. In fact, he would tell me about other kids that liked this person and that person and so on. In fact, there was one girl in particular that several of the boys liked. lol! It was innocent enough at that time so I didn't worry about it. My oldest child is in middle school and it started for him and his friends in 4th/5th grade but it still wasn't much. It was a private school so maybe that's why.

My youngest child (DD) is in kindergarten now and she has had two boyfriends this year. Of course she thinks of them as boys who are friends but I think they think more. One of them will hug her and hold his arm around her everytime he sees her. It used to bug me a little but I've learned to get used to it.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by supervee

None here. But my sister had a "boyfriend" in kindergarten in the early 80s.

Yeah, I hardly doubt this is anything new. My DH is 45 and he remembers having crushes on not only his teacher in kindergarten but a little girl in 1st through 3rd grade and this was back in the early 70's.

[Lingmom]

Oooh... This was a big issue for me a few months ago. We've moved our kindergarten daughter from a parochial school to a montessori school. But last semester we had a big issue with this.

A little boy began giving my daughter gifts and telling her he loved her and asking if he could go on a date. I asked the teacher if she would keep an eye on this and she said she would. But apparently his mom got upset that I would find this behavior inappropriate! I had assumed everyone would be on the same page... after all, these are 5 year olds! The mom and I actually had an argument in the school parking lot where she said "If it's not okay for our kids to date now, when is it okay?" I suggested after puberty.

I think there were some serious cultural and parenting differences, but we were both shocked at each other's opinions.

[Katie Bugs Mama]

Originally Posted by Lingmom

The mom and I actually had an argument in the school parking lot where she said "If it's not okay for our kids to date now, when is it okay?" I suggested after puberty.

I think there were some serious cultural and parenting differences, but we were both shocked at each other's opinions.

Cultural differences?!? In what culture do 5 yo's date?? Even in society's where parents begin arranging their children's marriages at really young ages, the kids don't date. Heck, sometimes they don't even meet.

[meowee]

Originally Posted by Katie Bugs Mama

Cultural differences?!? In what culture do 5 yo's date?? Even in society's where parents begin arranging their children's marriages at really young ages, the kids don't date. Heck, sometimes they don't even meet.

I don't know if it's really a cultural difference, but I have known families, who happened to be from different cultures, who encouraged their very young boys to romance the girls in their class and "like" them. They felt this was healthy and would discourage him from "turning out gay." (My emoticons aren't working, but insert the rolling-eyes one here!)

In my DD K's class, I sort of think something like this is afoot. Again, most of the kids are from different cultures, but maybe it is just a family thing. One boy gave my DD an extravagant gift for Valentine's day-- gourmet candy, a teddy bear, a "real" card (not a valentine), all really beautifully packaged. It had to have cost at least $30 all together. So clearly the parents were involved. I guess it's possible he begged and begged his parents to buy this stuff, but part of me wonders if they sat him down and asked, "Which girl do you like?" and then marched him out to Hallmark.

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by Lingmom

Oooh... This was a big issue for me a few months ago. We've moved our kindergarten daughter from a parochial school to a montessori school. But last semester we had a big issue with this.

A little boy began giving my daughter gifts and telling her he loved her and asking if he could go on a date. I asked the teacher if she would keep an eye on this and she said she would. But apparently his mom got upset that I would find this behavior inappropriate! I had assumed everyone would be on the same page... after all, these are 5 year olds! The mom and I actually had an argument in the school parking lot where she said "If it's not okay for our kids to date now, when is it okay?" I suggested after puberty.

I think there were some serious cultural and parenting differences, but we were both shocked at each other's opinions.

I disagree with your position, but cannot imagine someone getting upset about your position on this. That's crazy!

[hhurd]

There are a few girls in my ds' K class that talk about which boys in the class they are going to marry. The boys seems pretty oblivious to the whole thing, or at least they don't talk about it.

[MattBronsil]

I can't tell you how many wives I'm supposed to have at this point. So many 3 year olds have told their parents they want to marry me.

[Lingmom]

I disagree with your position, but cannot imagine someone getting upset about your position on this.

So for you... the dating, the gifts, the boyfriend status... this is all okay for kindergarten children?

I can't tell you how many wives I'm supposed to have at this point. So many 3 year olds have told their parents they want to marry me.

At three, it *is* cute. I recall my daughter giving her pre-school friend an invitation to his (their) wedding and thinking that was pretty funny. Pre-school romance is all a big, silly, fantasy and that's one thing. But when one child begins giving gifts and claims to have an exclusive boyfriend relationship ("she's *my* girlfriend and nobody elses") it's less cute, and when parents get involved encouraging their kids to date, it feels downright creepy to me.

[mommyoftwo]

My dd has a "boyfriend" now and she had one last year in kingergarten. I was a bit concerned but it is so innocent. When I asked her what it meant-she told me that he saves a swing for her on the playground.

[Ruthla]

I had a "boyfriend" in first grade, and DD1 had a "boyfriend" in preschool.

It's generally harmless innocent "roll playing" at that age. From what I've seen, this is very different from preteen/teen dating that comes much later (hopefully much, much, much later! ) If I saw any "not so innocent dating stuff" in younger grades, I'd deal with that on a case-by-case basis; in my experience it simply hasn't come up.

I voted "other" because I encountered "boyfriend/girlfriend" stuff with DD1 and DD2 when they were in public school, but to my knowledge there isn't any in DS' class at this point.

[Marsupialmom]

My grandma talks about her first love when she as about 7. She is in her 87.

I think kids play this way because they are trying to figure out thier world. They can pretend to be doctors but not married....doen't make since. At that ages they are still trying to figure out relationships. They are likely to say they want to be dad's wife or mom's husband.

That does't mean at times you don't need to limit, explain, and/or set expections. The behavior doesn't bother me to much but at times it does like any other behavior need to be guided in the right directions. I think kids play these games because they need to hear mom and dad teach what is expected and acceptable of them.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by MattBronsil

I can't tell you how many wives I'm supposed to have at this point. So many 3 year olds have told their parents they want to marry me.

Yep! And my daughter expects DH to marry her when she finishes college one day. I remember when my oldest son used to tell me he was going to marry me too. so sweet.

[mata]

Originally Posted by meowee

They felt this was healthy and would discourage him from "turning out gay." (My emoticons aren't working, but insert the rolling-eyes one here!)

oh yes-I could see this being at play in our environment. there are definitely some dads with an "atta boy!" attitude.