Anxiety and clomid - Please help!

[ChesapeakeBorn]

Hi all. My RE thinks that my 3 miscarriages are a result of poor ovulation (I O around CD30). So I am taking my first dose of Clomid tomorrow to try and move up my O date.

When we learned that I was going to m/c in October, I began having severe anxiety and panic attacks. Previously, I did not have these issues. I have been going to weekly acupuncture and therapy appointments and thought I had the anxiety under control - as a matter of fact, it was gone. But last Tuesday I found out I was pregnant again, but the situation did not look good (another m/c). I had one of the worst panic attacks ever and have been anxious and nervous ever since. I am sick to my stomach and just want to crawl out of my skin. The fear of losing another pregnancy is my trigger - I am otherwise calm. But the monitoring and bloodwork that are involved with a Clomid cycle make me so nervous.

I have heard that Clomid can make this worse and I am worried about how I am going to cope. (If you are wondering why I am going through with this, please, no flaming - I would adopt if my husband wanted to.) I have tried calms forte, acupuncture, therapy, meditation, calming music, aromatherapy, exercise, breathing techniques, st. johns wort (works but can't take it when TTC) etc etc. I want to go natural but am having trouble finding something that is effective.

I have read many scientific studies that report a number of negative effects of maternal anxiety on the fetus. Does anyone have any recommendations for how to deal with anxiety on Clomid? I am even beginning to reconsider medication. Would this reduce the effectiveness of clomid? I am getting desperate - I need to find peace. TIA.

[soulshine]

i'm so sorry you are going through such a traumatic time!

i took clomid for 6 months at the 100mg dose and didn't experience any side affects. no headaches- and i have never heard of anxiety being a major side affect of clomid... that doesn't mean it isn't, but the main one i always heard abut was the headaches.
every woman will react differently to each drug. you may have no side affects at all.

also, i know you are seeing an acupuncturist.
i know mine has told me over and over that a pregnancy has an incredable affect on our bodies. it isn't just a matter of making enough progesterone to support the baby, etc... in tcm, all the organs have an intregal role in supporting the new pregnancy, and they are all affected. so, when there is a miscarriage, it takes a while for the body to readjust to its 'gearing up'.
when a stone is thrown in a still pond, it makes a ripple that goes on for a while... when there is another and another thrown in, the patterns get all inter-tangled and it becomes quite rough from all the motion and action/re-action energy. i feel that it is the same with our bodies when we have a loss, or mulitiple losses. it will take a while for things to settle down and become harmonious again. your acupuncturist will be able to help with this. i think that your previous bouts with anxiety may be related to your previous losses- obviously in an emotional way, but less obvious but just as important in an energic way, too. the hormones and energy in your body are like the rippley pond, and your anxiety could be a result of that unsettled-ness.

just something to consider.

clomid had a very impactual affect on my cycle. it was amazing to me the way it moved my ovulation date and lengthened my luteal phase.
i don't know anything about how anti-anxiety meds would affect clomid- but your doctor would, and your acupuncturist should be able to give supplemental treatment to support the process.

also, i wanted to tell you that i really feel for you. i got a sense from your post that you may be feeling judged for deciding to continue on with ttc a biological child. i don't think that what you and your husband decide to do in regards to family building is up for any kind of external judgement! you are dealing with your own, unique, challenging (and painful) set of circumstances, and most people don't have to deal with them, but that does not mean that you are in any way wrong, broken, or misguided in your desires to ttc or adopt for that matter. it is personal.

i also wanted to say that i have found that ttc with loss is incredibly strenuous emotionally. i know that may sound like an obvious understatement, but sometimes i forget in my own life that the combination of paths we are walking... ttc, multiple loss, and IF, it has really changed me as a person. it is such a momumental challenge. for me. i wake up and wonder 'why am i so bummed out?' i really do forget how hard it actually is. so, i just wanted to tell you that i honor your own tumultuous paths. it takes so much out of you as a person. sometimes, it is smart to take a break from it, just to give your own self some peace. in the long run, you need to remember to take care of YOU. you will be your children's mother, and you need to keep your whole self healthy and strong for them.

anyway,
i wish you the best.

[ChesapeakeBorn]

soulshine: I cannot tell you how relieved I felt when I read your post. You helped me to realize something that I had forgotten - yes, indeed my anxiety arrived when the pregnancies start to fail. In other words, I think that the anxiety is part of the whole system response you described. For three days last week, before the m/c had begun, I felt so strange - weak, nauseated, trembling nonstop - and I couldn't figure out why. But I don't think that was the anxiety, rather it was a major shift in my system and energy. During my luteal phase, I usually feel fine. It is when the pregnancies are leaving me that the anxiety arrives. I am still anxious now because I am still in the process of miscarrying. Now, maybe, I don't have to fear the anxiety as much because I realize the physiological cause.

And thank you for your support regarding the process of trying to conceive. We do forgot how emotionally strenuous it can be. So many people belittle the heartache of this journey that I often forget how big it is. No wonder I feel the way I feel.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and time. I so appreciate it and feel comforted by your words.

[hope4light]

ChesapeakeBorn: I feel for you, and hope that maybe this first cycle of clomid will also be your last cycle of clomid. I think that most of us can understand what your going through, to adopt or not to adopt... the maternal pull of having your own is something that is so strong that some of us just can't let go that easy, and you know what? That's OK. That's why we have this huge group of friends around us that all understand exactly what we are going through. It's a miracle to have them, just like the miracle when we are all graduating..... Don't stress yourself out over wanting what most fertile's have such an easy time with... have that baby of your own flesh and blood that you carried in your own body.

Soulshine - Wow. How very poignant, you even helped me when I wasn't the person who posted. It's so hard to be out there in this world that continues to revolve when you feel like your own is at a standstill and no matter how hard you try you can't seem to kick start it.... And then someone says the absolute right thing, and you realize that you can make it to the next cycle, the next step, the one that you tell yourself over and over will do the trick... and you remember, that someday, it will. Thank you!! ::

[labortrials]

CPB, just want you to know that I'm thinking about you!!! xoxo

[Pookietooth]

to you mama. I never had anxiety on clomid, but it did give me nasty migraines. (I never actually conceived on clomid, had to use injectible fertility meds.) I wanted to ask whether your doctor has already tested for blood clotting disorders -- because usually when you've had multiple losses, they test for them, as they are a common cause of repeated m/c. Also, clomid won't help if there are other issues. Also, did you do a shot of HCG to boost the ovulation?

[avocada]

Originally Posted by hope4light

.... And then someone says the absolute right thing, and you realize that you can make it to the next cycle, the next step, the one that you tell yourself over and over will do the trick... and you remember, that someday, it will. Thank you!! ::

This, too, is poignant and full of hope. Thanks, all you ladies.

[Autumn's_mom]

I had horrible anxiety on the 3rd round of clomid. I have always sort of been social anxiety prone but clmoid made life unbearable. I mentioned it to my doctor who said it was common and was put on femera (I think that is right...) that is used mainly as a breast cancer med but has the same effect on ovaries as clomid.

Sorry, I don't post often but hope that you can try it instead. Clomid was evil....

We are still TTC and now considering IVF.

Best of luck to you!
Teresa