worried about my babymoon in hospital

[Proudmomoftwinsplusone]

My recovery from my first birth (a c-section) was a horrible experience for me and too many friends and family witnessed it. There are photos and video of me looking miserable in the operating room. Then, in the recovery room, my mom watched an LC repeatedly stuffing my breasts in my twins' mouths as I dry-heaved into a bucket and begged her to stop. My brother snuck in and I think he may have seen this too. Over the next several days I had many visitors, two of whom I had to ask to leave the room because I needed to throw up I felt so awful. I was anemic, confused, disoriented and ill the whole stay. I want the next time (hopefully next week) to be COMPLETELY different.

First, all cameras and videocameras are BANNED! Second, my midwife will serve as my LC and any hospital LCS will be asked to stay out. But what to do about visitors? I gave up BF my twins and want to try again, but without an audience.

I would just sneak off to the hospital and not tell anyone, but my mom is going to watch my twins and she will know and call everyone. What should I do?

[Mrs-Mama]

Originally Posted by Proudmomoftwins

But what to do about visitors? I gave up BF my twins and want to try again, but without an audience.

I would just sneak off to the hospital and not tell anyone, but my mom is going to watch my twins and she will know and call everyone. What should I do?

I wish I knew what to tell you. At one time during my c/s recovery (baby in NICU), I had 10 people in my room. I was so overwhelmed and kicked everyone out (including my brother because I had to pump. Since I'll be having scheduled c/s this time, I know it'll be ten times worse. I'm thinking about telling everyone that I do not want to have any company other than grandparents in the first 24 hours. It's so hard. I mean, I want to share the joy with everyone, but recovering from surgery sucks. I actually don't want anyone there but DH for the birth. My whole extended family was in the waiting room during DS's birth and they all got to see him before I did.

[merry-mary]

Oh mama. That sounds awful and I am so sorry.

I would punt this one. Do you have a DP who you could ask to kick people out on your behalf? You will have done some hard enough work in birthing a baby. I feel strongly that a partner should handle the rest. Maybe come up with a signal with your DP so that when/if you need alone time, then DP knows to say "Ok, proudmamaoftwins needs some rest. If you want to come back and see us again, give me a call and I'll let you know when is good. Thank you SO MUCH for coming!"

If you don't have a DP then I think you can graciously ask the same sort of thing - "I'm sorry ... I'm not feeling well. I'm going to buzz the nurse. Would you mind giving me some privacy?" When the nurse comes, ask him/her to tell your visitors (if they're still there) that you absolutely need rest and they should come back another time.

Hugs.

[Cheshire]

Be sure and tell everyone ahead of time that you do not want visitors at the hospital but would be thrilled for them to come see you when you are settled back in at home.

Tell your mom that when she calls everyone to let them know about the birth that she needs to remind them no visitors!

This is your choice, no one elses to make. Also, if you tell your nurses they can run interference for you.

Best wishes and sorry the first time was so miserable.

[Proudmomoftwinsplusone]

Mrs Mama- 10 people! Yikes! At least I just had a few visitors at a time.

Merry mary- yes, I think when DH calls people with the news he should remind them to wait until I am back home for visiting.

Cheshire- I think I will tell everyone ahead of time that I am not sure how I will be feeling so not to rush over.

I just need to start telling people now that I might not be a happy camper, especially if for some reason I need another c-section. but even if my vbac is successful, I will still need some privacy at first.

[RockStarMom]

Make it clear to the hospital that no visitors are allowed to enter your room.
Do you have an assertive friend who could hang out there and turn people away? I know someone who did that.
And I would plan to leave ASAP. I left the hospital AMA a few hours after giving birth. It sounds like you are anticipating a longer recovery in the hospital, but I would try to get home as soon as you are able so the visitor thing is as simple as not answering the door.
Good luck!

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by RockStarMom

Make it clear to the hospital that no visitors are allowed to enter your room.

I agree, let them be your "bouncers." Let family & friends know that you'll be happy for them to come see the babe when you're home. (Or, when you feel up to it, etc.) If they're offended, well, too bad...it's not about them.

[srlpenny]

One Week Rule

We had a rule of no visitors, after we leave the hospital, for one week. That time was for us to get to know our new family. We allowed people to come see us in the hospital, because I hated it so much anyway I figured why not get teh misery out of the way.
This time we are planning a homebirth, and I know it'll be hard to keep people away, yet again. But you (or preferably someone else) really need to be assertive about the fact that the MOST important thing is that you be left alone to bond with and nurse your baby as much as possible.
Maybe setting your own visiting hours? Like anyone is welcome to visit from 8-9 am and then again from 4-6 pm but besides that no way. That way you at least only have a couple of hours visits to deal with.
Good Luck, this is definitely one of my least favorite parts of having a new baby, trying to be understanding that everyone else is excited to meet him too...but I'm his Mommy darnit!!!
Sorry .... hormones

[georgia]

If it were me, I'd discuss an early "release" with my hcp and baby's ped. IME, it's much easier to adjust and get comfy with a new baby at home than being interupted in the hospital. I realize not everyone feels the same way, but for me, being in the hospital is not restful or relaxing. If I had support and my birth was complication-free and everything looked good, I'd rather be at home getting acquainted as a family. Best wishes

[MrsAprilMay]

I agree to let the hospital be your bouncers. That's what they get paid to do, right?

And if you don't want visitors at home, turn off the ringer and leave a message saying "Thank you all for your well wishes! We'll be sure to call you when we're up for company!"

[kltroy]

Sounds like an awful experience! I specifically told people that I didn't want visitors in the hospital after my c/s. It was just my mom and my husband, and someone was with me and my son the whole time. It was actually pretty nice. We welcomed visitors into our home after I was feeling more human - ie had been home for about a week.

Let people know in advance that you'd rather not have visitors in the hospital and that you'll let everyone know when you're home and ready to interact. Have 1 or 2 trusted people (partner and another family member) get the word out, and make sure the hospital staff knows too. Good luck with everything!

[s_kristina]

The hospital here visitors have to be buzzed in to both the mother/baby floor and the ped's floor. If they aren't approved by the patient or patient's parent they are not allowed on the floor. Letting the hospital keep people out sounds like a really good plan to me.

[Bjen614]

You can always give the hospital a list of people who are allowed to come visit you and then have you put under "Confidential Status" for everyone else. So if someone you don't want up there comes up to visit you, information will tell them that you aren't in the system. That will be very helpful with the crowd control.

[Proudmomoftwinsplusone]

I was going to start telling people not to visit me in the hospital but then I chickened out. One good friend told me to call her while I'm in labor for support. They all mean well. sigh. I just have an image of me in my hospital room, juggling a baby, a boppy, a breast, a breast pump and nipple shields and people just popping in and seeing me being so awkward. I already am nervous because I just realized I have inverted nipples so I got all this breast feeding paraphrenalia. Maybe I will tell the staff not to let visitors in without calling me first.

[zoebird]

personally, i would tell visitors that you will schedule them to visit you and the baby once you are back home and ready to receive visitors.

and then, make sure someone else knows of this and will be your "bull dog" to keep people out!

[riverside knitter]

I will have written instructions for L&D staff regarding visitors, especially right after the birth. Basically, people (including grandparents) get to come in when I and DH are ready and not before. Fortunately, pretty much all of my friends are of the "call us when you're ready for visitors - we won't bother you at the hospital" mentality. The family is a different story. The way I see it, this is an intensely private time for DH and I and everyone else will just have to deal with it or incur the wrath of the hormonal rollercoaster.

[amnda527]

When I had Lilah I didn't worry about having visitors. I knew I wasn't going to be too thrilled with all these people bothering me, but I didn't think it was going to be that bad either. I wish that I would have waited now that I think back on it. She was born at 1am, so we had the whole night just me her and Dh. But the ENTIRE next day was just constant people in and out. FIL and MIL came, then my parents and brother and sister. Then DH's two friends. Then my aunt. Then my other brother came. My mom came again bringing my grandma. Lastly, my 3 friends came. And of course, everyone "had" to hold her while they were there, so I seriously only held her when a LC came in and said it was time to feed her. And some people were ok with taking a hint and leaving when one of them came in a said that, but some weren't. FIL actually was sitting directly across from me when I was trying to feed Lilah for the like, 2nd time ever! But anyway, at the time I was too "loopy" feeling to really care, so I didn't mind the constant visitors. Looking back however, I feel like I (and my husband!) really missed out on this very special private time. With our next children I think I'm going to say no visitors at the hospital. And then maybe even delay people coming over my house for a few days. I would say do whatever you can to stop people from bothering you! Even if you end up hurting peoples' feelings, to me, it would be worth it.

[honeybee]

Definitely set things up ahead of time. Sometimes people just don't know. They think they are being supportive by showing up to see the baby. I remember going to see my SIL after dn's birth. Dh had been there for a little while, and I thought I was giving them time and waiting before I came. She hand an unexpected c/s. When I walked in, dh was holding the baby (at his mom's insistence), and MIL asked if I wanted to. I love babies, but I think I said I would wait. Then SIL was wheeled in a short time later and asked to see her baby, and I was HORRIFIED to find out she hadn't even held her yet! I couldn't believe people were telling me to hold the baby before the mom who'd given birth had even touched her!

[Nicole77]

This is a time when it can be a beautiful thing to be in the hospital since you do not have to be the bad guys yourselves. Nurses are always happy to clear a room for you. Make up a code beforehand with your dh, something like "Honey, I need some ice." This is his clue to go out into the hallway and ask the nurses to get everyone the heck out of your room. Then the nurse can come in and say she needs to "check" you. You never saw a room empty so fast. I hope this helps!

[sapphire_chan]

Isn't one of the reasons for hospital births so you can sic the nurses on visitors?
"She just had major surgery and needs to rest!"