I think it is okay to provide what I think of as "on-ramps" for kids.
I was a kid who experienced a lot of anxiety about new experiences that I later not only came to love but which helped to preserve essential parts of myself. (Going to camp, for example.) I think it is not only okay for parents to help their kids to try new things, it's essential.
But I think that needs to happen with the following things in place:
1. You need a transition plan into the new experience. It sounds like you are doing great with that - tours, short days, and talking about what it will be like.
2. You need to validate the child's feelings and provide comfort - YES it is scary, NO you won't like everything, and that is just fine. It is okay to try things out while not liking them to see if you WILL like them.
3. You need an exit plan.
How long is reasonable to try for, and what has to happen for you to decide that it is or isn't working? For something as huge as school I would probably give it about 8 weeks for a reasonable amount of adjustment, but I don't know your son - you may want to try longer. If he is unbearably unhappy after a day or two you may decide not to stick with the 8 weeks, but these are all kind of thresholds you need to set within your comfort zone.
I also want to say that I agree with a PP - being at home in a situation that is not working for you or all of you may be more comfortable because you know how that works, but it doesn't make it good or right. It is worth trying something new, and this school sounds like a caring environment in which to try. You can always change your mind about it and try something else.
I was a kid who experienced a lot of anxiety about new experiences that I later not only came to love but which helped to preserve essential parts of myself. (Going to camp, for example.) I think it is not only okay for parents to help their kids to try new things, it's essential.
But I think that needs to happen with the following things in place:
1. You need a transition plan into the new experience. It sounds like you are doing great with that - tours, short days, and talking about what it will be like.
2. You need to validate the child's feelings and provide comfort - YES it is scary, NO you won't like everything, and that is just fine. It is okay to try things out while not liking them to see if you WILL like them.
3. You need an exit plan.
How long is reasonable to try for, and what has to happen for you to decide that it is or isn't working? For something as huge as school I would probably give it about 8 weeks for a reasonable amount of adjustment, but I don't know your son - you may want to try longer. If he is unbearably unhappy after a day or two you may decide not to stick with the 8 weeks, but these are all kind of thresholds you need to set within your comfort zone.
I also want to say that I agree with a PP - being at home in a situation that is not working for you or all of you may be more comfortable because you know how that works, but it doesn't make it good or right. It is worth trying something new, and this school sounds like a caring environment in which to try. You can always change your mind about it and try something else.
