Something seriously shocking and disturbing happened at my son's school...

[becoming]

And not just at his school. In his CLASSROOM.

Some background: My oldest is in public all-day Kindergarten at our very small village's very small school (250 kids in PK-12). The Kindergarten has 27 5- and 6-year-olds and two teachers, but they function as one large class. I know both of his teachers on a personal level--one of them is the wife of the youth minister at the church where I work, and the other is the wife of one of my sister's very good friends.

Okay, now for the incident. We were told about this at a birthday party last weekend by the mother of one of the students involved, so it's not just hearsay. Apparently two girls in the class had gotten punished for throwing rocks at recess. They were very upset about it, and they made a plan to walk to one of the little girl's houses, which is maybe 3/4 mile from the school. During naptime, one of the teachers (the wife of my sister's friend) was out of the classroom for some reason, and the other teacher (wife of the youth minister) was "watching" the kids while they napped. One of the girls asked to go to the bathroom (which is inside the classroom), and about 3 or 4 minutes later, the other asked to go. Then they snuck into the auditorium (which is connected to the Kindergarten bathroom) and out the side door to the parking lot.

A cafeteria worker from the school just so happened to drive by and see them walking along the road (which is a high-traffic *highway*) about 1/2 mile from the school. I don't know the exact time frame here, but they are only 5 years old, so it had to have taken them at least 20-30 minutes to walk that far. When the cafeteria worker returned them to the classroom, apparently the teacher hadn't even noticed that they were missing yet!

I haven't done anything about this yet, because I'm just so shocked that it happened, and because I know this teacher outside of school and am very conflicted about what to do. I HAVE to do something, though. We are probably homeschooling in the fall, but my son is going to be there for 2 more months, and I HAVE to make sure nothing like this happens again. I know he wouldn't ever leave the school for any reason, because he's just not like that, plus we've discussed it many times before and since this incident, but still. I wonder what kind of trouble he *could* get into with this kind of negligence going on.

What would you do?

[LilyGrace]

I think it would all depend on the school's reaction. My oldest son's school lost him when he was in first grade. They were so apathetic about it, blaming it on him (and there were many circumstances that could have been prevented or taken care of on the school's end; shouldering a 6yo with the entire responsibility or even most was laughable) and lied about it to the superintendent. That showed me nothing would change at that school and he did not go back.
However, if the teacher/principal had been genuinely remorseful and had regretted it themselves, apologized and/or put better protection measures into place, I would have considered it a one time thing and a lesson for all involved in which the teachers learn by making mistakes, like we all do.

[becoming]

I should add that I think this happened a very long time ago, like months ago, and I was just told about it.

[MCR]

I did this my first day at school when I was 4. My mom found me as I was coming close to home. She took me straight back, they had a "talk" with me about leaving the school and locked the door to the class for the rest of the day. The teacher hadn't noticed I was gone.
No one in the school tried it again. We all got a lecture about leaving without permission.
If the school took it seriously and had maybe locked the back door they used and talked to all the kids, I wouldn't be too worried about it. I would also talk to my child at home about what happened, and make sure he understood that it wasn't allowed, and was dangerous.

[FraggleLover]

I think you should be very concerned about people getting in not so much out. Although you say it's a small village, the idea that kindergarden bathroom can be accessed from an unsupervised area, for one makes me uneasy, and noone noticed them leaving the compound AT ALL, for another.

[supervee]

I would expect a letter to go home to all parents the very next day with a description of what happened and the steps they would be taking to make sure it does not happen again.

[oceanbaby]

I have a friend whose 6yo got out of his Kindergarten classroom and no one noticed.

She is now homeschooling.

[heket]

Originally Posted by supervee

I would expect a letter to go home to all parents the very next day with a description of what happened and the steps they would be taking to make sure it does not happen again.

Not picking on you, because I find this equally reasonable...

However, I would not expect it of my state or my local district simply because this kind of logic is beyond them.

[mamatowill]

I would first find out what is being done to make sure that does not happen again. Depending on how they respond then I would proceed. I know as a teacher that is/was my biggest fear. Depending on what was going on I could be dealing with a lesson and not realize that they did not return for awhile. Kids disappear and hide in the bathroom and wander the halls all the time. If it had happened to me I know that I would have felt awful and really made sure that I obsessively watched how long students were gone.

[annethcz]

I don't know, I mean everyone makes mistakes.

When my DH was a kid, he pulled a similar stunt. He made it all the way home (walked about a mile). I don't know how long it took them to realize he was gone, but the school was FRANTIC when they realized he wasn't there. But DH's parents didn't blame the school- they blamed DH.

I have a kid in kindergarden. And my children attend a similarly small school. The school is in a town with a population of less than 400, there are 70 kids PK-grade 6. If something like this happened to my child, I would be concerned regarding HOW it happened. But I also think that a kindergarden student is old enough to know that sneaking out of school is unacceptable behavior. If it was *my* 5yo sneaking away from school, I'd bet that she could make a 1/2 mile in 10-15 minutes.

I think that the school should take some of the blame, but not all of it. Teachers are human. And there's no way any person or institution can anticipate every possible behavior that kids might engage in. I am the mother of 4 kids, and there are times that my kids have taken off and I've lost track of them- I guess I don't expect a teacher with 30 kids to do better than I do.

What I would expect would be for the school to come up with a policy to try and make sure this doesn't happen again. I wouldn't expect the school to inform all of the parents about what occurred. I'm willing to bet that the teachers and administrators are being VERY careful to ensure that something like this doesn't happen again. But if you're curious about any new policies that have been put into place, ASK.

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by becoming

A cafeteria worker from the school just so happened to drive by and see them walking along the road (which is a high-traffic *highway*) about 1/2 mile from the school. I don't know the exact time frame here, but they are only 5 years old, so it had to have taken them at least 20-30 minutes to walk that far. When the cafeteria worker returned them to the classroom, apparently the teacher hadn't even noticed that they were missing yet!

I haven't done anything about this yet, because I'm just so shocked that it happened, and because I know this teacher outside of school and am very conflicted about what to do. I HAVE to do something, though.

Since this happened awhile ago -- and it's obvious that the teacher and at least one other person knows about it (the caf. employee) -- I'm assuming and hopeful that the potential of future incidences has been elminated. The way that I would handle it is to say that you've recently been made aware of this happening - to the teachers - and that you are inquiring to find out what steps have been taken to make sure that this doesn't happen again.

[RomanGoddess]

During naptime, one of the teachers (the wife of my sister's friend) was out of the classroom for some reason, and the other teacher (wife of the youth minister) was "watching" the kids while they napped.

I think it is horribly irresponsible of them to have lost sight of the girls but I have to say (and I apologize in advance for going off topic ), why on earth are they making 5 and 6 year olds take a nap???????????? I can understand a quiet time but a nap? Is it just so that the teachers can have their lunch and smoke break? You gotta wonder...

[UUMom]

I don't know what the law is elsewhere, but here in MA, in the US, schools with full day K (here K children are 4-7 yrs old) programs are mandated by law to offer a 45 minute (that could vary) quiet/ rest time. Some kids absolutely fall asleep, and some children play with toys or read/look at books on their mats, or do other quiet/low key activites.

[flapjack]

I've had that situation at a child's school. I'd find out whether all reasonable precautions were in place to prevent it happening before you jump one way or another.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Given that this was a while ago, I think a reasonable first response would be to inquire of the principal what has been done to make sure that it is more difficult next time. In a nice, "Gee, I just heard about this and I'm sure you've taken care of it, please tell me what you did" sort of way. Of course, if the response is unacceptible, then you have more decisions to make. But start by asking what they've done before jumping to conclusions.

In that, though, remember that they can't lock doors from inside because they are fire exits and there are times when you WANT kids to get out easily and quickly. And that teachers do need breaks during the day to continue to function well. And that you want them to allow kids to go to the bathroom during the day, otherwise you have accidents and that embarrasses everyone. In other words, think about what they can reasonably do. And that publicizing something like this could be viewed as an invasion of the student's privacy and you don't want them to do that on a regular basis either -- especially in a small school where everyone knows everyone.

Frankly, I don't think the responsibility really lies with the school here beyond the fact that the teacher didn't notice they didn't come back. BUT you don't really know what the teacher did or didn't notice or do because you weren't there and this is all "hear say" information.

[Nicole77]

Originally Posted by UUMom

I don't know what the law is elsewhere, but here in MA, in the US, schools with full day K (here K children are 4-7 yrs old) programs are mandated by law to offer a 45 minute (that could vary) quiet/ rest time. Some kids absolutely fall asleep, and some children play with toys or read/look at books on their mats, or do other quiet/low key activites.

Totally OT, especially since we are homeschoolers for now but I have been wondering if this is an urban myth. Because only full day K is offered through our city (large reason why we decided to keep her home for now) and I thought this was the case since we are also in MA. But when I went to the school to spend the day while still in the decision making process they didn't do this and when I asked they said none of the children needed a nap or a break and so they just do a regular day. Which I might add was a 7 hour day of mostly desk work with one fifteen minute recess and only thirty minutes of "free play" just before dismissal (which is the rest of why we kept her home). Is rest time really mandated?

To the OP, I agree with the others that the subsequent response would probably bother me more than the initial issue. If I was teaching kindergarten it probably would not even occur to me that two five year olds could hatch a plan to break out of the bathroom and hit the road for home. But once it did I would be doing some serious examination into how to make sure it didn't happen again. Two questions:

1. Why are five year olds allowed to wander around the school with the older kids for the bathroom unattended? This would make me nervous. I think either the kindergarten should have its own bathroom in the classroom (or something) or an aide should be taking them. I would be worried about a problem of some kind (fighting or abuse from older kids, toilet issue, etc.) coming up with someone so young in the general school bathroom.

2. How did they get out of the school unnoticed? Does the school have something on the doors to prevent people leaving? For example, a few schools I have been in have alarms on every door except the one by the main office. A teacher can disarm the alarm to head out for recess but if a kid opens it the alarm would go off. And if they have to go to the door by the main office they would be seen. Perhaps the school could use a setup like this?

[Mary-Beth]

I'd discuss it with the teachers. Just be honest. You just heard about this and you are concerned. You want to be sure that the kids cannot ever leave the building unattended. Seems like there must be a solution. I don't know if they can lock that door or a door that leads to the auditorium so a child cannot exit on his or her own. I wouldn't go in accusing the teachers of not paying attention or whatever (and you haven't). They have their hands full and I bet they do a good job but things like this happen and we learn and make changes to improve safety. Just like we baby proof our houses because we cannot keep our babies in our view 100% of the time...how can the school child proof the school room area so this won't happen again?

[choli]

Originally Posted by annethcz

I don't know, I mean everyone makes mistakes.

When my DH was a kid, he pulled a similar stunt. He made it all the way home (walked about a mile). I don't know how long it took them to realize he was gone, but the school was FRANTIC when they realized he wasn't there. But DH's parents didn't blame the school- they blamed DH.

I have a kid in kindergarden. And my children attend a similarly small school. The school is in a town with a population of less than 400, there are 70 kids PK-grade 6. If something like this happened to my child, I would be concerned regarding HOW it happened. But I also think that a kindergarden student is old enough to know that sneaking out of school is unacceptable behavior. If it was *my* 5yo sneaking away from school, I'd bet that she could make a 1/2 mile in 10-15 minutes.

I think that the school should take some of the blame, but not all of it. Teachers are human. And there's no way any person or institution can anticipate every possible behavior that kids might engage in. I am the mother of 4 kids, and there are times that my kids have taken off and I've lost track of them- I guess I don't expect a teacher with 30 kids to do better than I do.

What I would expect would be for the school to come up with a policy to try and make sure this doesn't happen again. I wouldn't expect the school to inform all of the parents about what occurred. I'm willing to bet that the teachers and administrators are being VERY careful to ensure that something like this doesn't happen again. But if you're curious about any new policies that have been put into place, ASK.

I was thinking the same thing - if I plotted with a friend to sneak out of school, and did so, my Mom would certainly have blamed me and not the school. If one of my daughters did the same, I'd be having a very very serious chat with her, not with her teachers.

[diamond lil]

The teachers were not doing their jobs. They should be fired, but if this school is in the US and if the teachers have tenure, they likely will have no action taken against them.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by diamond lil

The teachers were not doing their jobs. They should be fired, but if this school is in the US and if the teachers have tenure, they likely will have no action taken against them.

: Something similar, but not, happened with my cousin. Years back. It was mindblowing, made the papers...I'd relate it but noone would believe it. And the school took no accountability. I don't trust them.