your teens hanging out in smoking households?

[PancakeGoddess]

Would you have a problem with it? Do you allow it at all? If so, is it without limitation?

[teachma]

Well as a teen (many years ago) one of my favorite houses was my friend Denise's house. Her parents smoked, and WE were allowed to openly smoke because of it. They had ashtrays in all the rooms and no restrictions on Denise, who would instantly call them out on their hypocrisy if they asked her to stop. Based on my experience, I would probably be unhappy with my children frequently hanging out in a household where parents smoked. That said, I am not sure what I would do to express my view or enforce any specific expectations...my oldest is currently 7. This gives me something to think about, though.

[Pancakes]

Is it the smoking in the house that bothers you, or just the fact that they smoke?

[aja-belly]

most of my friends that smoked as teens would come home smelling like cigarette smoke and blame it on whoever's parents smoking and being at their house.

[canadianchick]

Dd does not have any friends with parents that smoke (thank goodness). But if she did, both she and I would have issues with it because we both HATE the smell of smoke that gets into clothes. Her father smokes in the freaking car and house with her and when she comes home from a visit, I have to rewash all of her clothes, jacket and whatever else I can put in the washer. Other items are hung out on the clothesline to air them out. But aside from the stink factor, the health factor is important to us also!

[teachma]

Originally Posted by Pancakes

Is it the smoking in the house that bothers you, or just the fact that they smoke?

I think the smoking in the house because it's visible to the child, and I think the constant visual reinforcement that smoking happens can serve as desensitization so that maybe my kid would eventually just think it's okay. Does that make any sense? If the parent smoked in her car on the way home from work, or stepped out onto the deck every hour for a cigarette, at least that shows smoking as a separate activity, no one so smoothly integrated into every aspect of life.

[PancakeGoddess]

The fact that they smoke doesn't bother me - it's their business. I'm an truly just interested in my son's health wrt second-hand smoke. I would rather not say he can "never" go..

Probably I'm going to do nothing and see what happens. If he begins wanting to be there a lot, we'll have to make a decision.

I know the smoke bothers him, too, but the social interactions right now are just so compelling to him that he's willing to tolerate it.

[pigpokey]

If I otherwise liked the parents, I would not necessarily have a problem with it.

[xixstar]

We're pretty anti-smoking here (dh is very very much so) so perhaps a slightly different view.

DD has a good friend just down the street she loves to play with and spend the night with -- until she came home reeking of smoke. I said no more sleepovers there, and the girl is welcome at our house. The girl's dad got pretty annoyed at me over that when he finally asked why we were always saying no to her staying over there -- but they got over it.

DD is allowed to go over and play but usually I say she needs to be outside playing. She may stay for dinner, but also knows that she'll have to shower and immediately wash her clothes when she gets home if she does stay over there for a while. Basically, we try to make it as limiting and difficult for her to go there and are always welcoming her other girl over (though I often want to make her shower and wash her clothes too, but I don't go that far at least).


DD is also still young, not sure how it'll work when she gets a bit older because I can see her feeling like thats a little overbearing on our part and I'd probably agree with her. Hopefully she'll find it as unpleasant as we do by then and make those choices on her own.

[Jennyfur]

I wouldn't be okay with my kids hanging out in homes where the parents smoke, mainly for health reasons. My DD9 has asthma, and DS13 has some allergies. I'm not okay with it. Besides, I hate the smell from smoke.

I grew up in a household where my mom smoked (thankfully she stopped 15 years ago after nearly 40 years of smoking!), and I am exquisitely sensitive to the smell of nicotine.

[UUMom]

Smoking is so unusual amoung people my age, but my oldest dd used to have a best buddy whose parents smoked. When I found out I was shocked...thinking lol "Who smokes anymore?" Well...these people. They were great otherwise, but my dd always came home stinking. I never put any restrictions on her playing with this little girl. It's been a few years since they have been friends...they kind of outgrew each other...so it's been years since my dd has been in a smoking home. So, ok, I wasn't willing to tell my dd she couldn't play at their house...they had a pool and and a horse, among other fun things to do...although I did tend to have the child here when it was cold out, and I discouraged sleepovers.

How's that for wishy-washy?

[PancakeGoddess]

..

[slymamato3]

I have been a smoker on and off for many years and I have never smoked in my home or car. I wouldn't even consider lighting up around my own never mind someone else's kids.
I guess I was a bit naive in thinking others were as respectful.

The only house that my kids are exposed is my Mom's because of her DP. He is in a wheelchair and has to spend a good amount of time in his bed. So he was good about refraining when my kids were babies and most often he goes outside if he is up in his chair but when my oldest comes home stinking I know he has been smoking inside again.

I don't think I would keep my kids from going to a friends house where they smoke but I wouldn't do a whole lot to help foster the visits either.YUCK:

[Tarstar]

Personally, I don't have much of a problem with it. My house is a non smoking one and I can really only control what happens in my own house. Sure I'd rather my teen didn't hang out in houses where people smoke, but if that's all I'm worried about it consider myself lucky. By the time they're teens, for the most part they're going to do what they want anyway. As long as we've brought our kids up to be intelligent thinkers with good morals, we have to let it go at that and hope for the best.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by aja-belly

most of my friends that smoked as teens would come home smelling like cigarette smoke and blame it on whoever's parents smoking and being at their house.

exactly!

I wouldn't have a problem with it if it's occasional, but if they went there several times a week or overnight I would.