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Cesarean support circle III (moved from Finding Your Tribe) - Page 4

post #61 of 110
Thread Starter 

MamaOui-just noticed what a beautiful name you've chosen-I like it a lot!
post #62 of 110
still OT: Thanks, ladylee. I really like the names of your dds. In fact, I named my friend's daughter Isabella a few years back.
post #63 of 110
Had to vent...my Mom(lives in Boston) just suggested on the phone that it might be easier if we just schedule a repeat cesarian because it would be easier for her and Dad to get plane tickets to Japan if she knew the date.
Grrrrrrr....no Mom this is not about your convenience.
post #64 of 110
Hikaru-- sorry

Ok, so last night I asked dh if he thought vbac-ing was "worth it". We will most likely be moving when I'm about 32 weeks and we will have to find an ob or mw that will let me vbac plus a doula (very important to me if I vbac). Not to mention I can't shake this feeling that I'll end up with a repeat anyway.

So, what I've been thinkin is maybe I can find an ob that will schedule me to do a repeat AFTER my edd, I was thinking about a week after. I would prefer to be in labor for a bit before the c/b because from what I hear/read it is better if the babe is in a bit of labor first.

I guess I'm just leting my pride make my decision not my brain or my heart. I think if I go in knowing about the c/b I'll come out not being upset with myself... or maybe I will... why is this so hard?
post #65 of 110
It so hard , if not impossible, to keep your pride out of it.
That's why I still feel like a failure deep down for having a cesarian the first time. And now that I get closer to my due date
I realize that I've been holding back emotionally from this baby, since I'm afraid that this birth will hurt me like the first one.
I want this baby very much but it's like I'm setting myself up to avoid feeling disappointed about the birth, so I'm remaining detached.
post #66 of 110
I have the same issue...
post #67 of 110
I'm not pg....but I share the same thoughts! I'm not planning on
anymore children for various reasons. ONe of them being that I
don't think I can emotionally manage another c/b. My c/b was a
classical cut so VBAC is not really an option.
Detatched if a very good term for what I would feel too!
How can we help it though?
post #68 of 110
Thread Starter 
I'm afraid that this birth will hurt me like the first one.-Hikaru

It was the same for me during this pregnancy-at my last appointment before our birth my doctor asked me how I was feeling about the upcoming cesarean. And I didn't lie-I said how *furious* I was that I was denied a VBAC by the hospital & that I didn't want to go through with it. I talked to her a lot about refusing surgery as an option. I really let myself be angry because I knew I had to acknowledge the feelings or I would be completely blocked. The morning of the birth I made everyone wait for twenty minutes while I emotionally grounded myself.

The good news is, and this is just my experience, that I *didn't* feel hurt by the birth this time, as I did with dd #1. It was such a *completely* different experience-the doctors did a better job than the first ones did, my recovery was/is far less painful, and two weeks later I am feeling euphoric about dd 2's birth/presence in a way I never did with #1. I try not to analyze it all too much, but suffice to say I'm happy with how it went, how I feel, and can be rather philosophical about how I'm destined to give birth.

I think the biggest lesson for me has been ego-related--when you have cesarean births you must be your own cheerleader and support to a large extent. It's a very internal process of giving yourself approval and recognition where others may not. There's something very gratifying in that, almost like it makes the birth more personal, more mine in a way because not everyone understands what I went through. Overcoming the emotional challenges that cesarean births present is very life-altering-just as overcoming pain with natural delivery is, I imagine.
post #69 of 110
Ladylee, thanks for handing me a little cheese to go with last night's Whine. I was really feeling sorry for myself...
which I know I have to work through, but I also have to GET THE HECK OVER IT as I will be responsible for a new baby very soon,
a baby whom I want and am so looking forward to holding and loving. No matter yhow the birth goes it will not be the baby's fault. S/he deserves my full attention and unconditional love. I
went through that with DS...on some level I was angry at him for not cooperating in "my" birth experience.
At least with this baby I will be a bit more relaxed, more informed, and less focused on myself as I have an older child to come home to who also needs my attention.
post #70 of 110
I just wanted to mention to those who were looking for a place dedicated to discussion about cesareans, that ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) has an e-mail list where you can get support on avoiding a c-section in the first place, recovering/healing from a section, preparing for VBAC and preparing to make necessary cesareans better experiences. The address for the list is http://www.ican-online.org/community/emailsupport.htm

I had an unnecessary c-section (I refuse to call it a cesarean birth, if you're happy calling it that, that's fine, but I don't feel that way) for my 2 year old son. I'm still not healed from it, physically or emotionally. I'm not sure that I ever will be.
post #71 of 110
Thread Starter 
How are you Hikaru? I hope I didn't come across as negating your feelings--just felt moved to share that I also felt that way prior to the birth and was surprised to have felt differently during the birth. I also experienced a degree of resentment w/dd #1 as though she were responsible for "putting" me through all that. It's natural, isn't it? And I felt a small degree of resentment w/dd #2 as well. Fortunately, those feelings have passed. It's all so complex to sort out. I hope you're doing well with everything on all levels-mentally, physically, etc.

Welcome, Devaskyla. I see that you're new to Mothering-just wanted to mention there's also a VBAC forum here at MDC if you haven't discovered it already.

Week two of new motherhood, and I have to say that the universe has been making up for a lot of the emotional pain I experienced with my first birth. A lot of the loss, sadness, and anger I felt has been reconciled somehow. I look back on my first birth experience and have a lot of admiration for myself--I went through some very tough times (dealing with an open incision, breastfeeding challenges, a high-need infant) and I managed to perservere and overcome many problems and deal with the emotions. Things are much different w/dd#2 and everything feels effortless--I can truly appreciate what I went through the first time around.
post #72 of 110
I had a c- birth 3 weeks ago after 18 hours of unmedicated labor. After 5 1/2 hours of not dialating past 7-8 I agreed to a c-section. I was sleep deprived having begun labor at night and I couldn't stand the pain not to mention my 2 minute long contractions were causing the baby distress. It took them an hour more until they did the c- section and thank god when that spinal took effect I could have a minute without pain. I did have to have 2 spinals because the first one didn't work on my left side at all.

I am still questioning the whole thing, as I waited for the c- section I had to push with each contraction and I was never checked so I wonder if I had dialated more... I had tried different positions to help the baby but to no avail. His 15" head wasn't molded so they said he never made it into the birth canal and he ended up being 10lbs 13oz. I had gone to a chiroprator and had seen an acupuncturist to open my pelvis and to get the baby into the right position, but he was still posterior the whole labor.

I hated the pain and the problems and the lack of bonding with ds after the section. I can't believe people choose to do this... I am wishing I could try it again because so many people drilled into my head "your body won't make a baby you can't birth". HA! Mine did. It still makes me think I did something wrong, I didn't try hard enough, I made a wrong decision. The nurses thought I could keep laboring and not do the c-section. They weren't me, I was exhausted and could not keep going. I probably should have asked for an epidural to get some rest but I thought that would just lead to the c section so I went straight there instead. I thought I had resolved this but I guess not. I tried talking to dh about this and he doesn't want to discuss it at all.
post #73 of 110
Thread Starter 
vwmama--first of all, congratulations on the birth of your little one-
I hope you're both doing well .

"It still makes me think I did something wrong, I didn't try hard enough, I made a wrong decision. "

I felt this way for a long time as well-it's very hard when you're second guessing yourself, isn't it?

Thinking of you, and I hope it gets better day by day...
post #74 of 110
What else could you have done? You saw a chiro and an acupunturist. You tried different positions. You went 18 hours without meds trying to do this!

To me it sounds like you did plenty! And youa re right...the nurses aren't you. We all think back and say, what could I have done to make things different. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what we could have done. Your labor sounds a lot like mine. My son didn't have a molded head and was posterior the whole time. He never dropped...and he was little!

I'm not sure what makes us think that we can control everything in life. Yes, labor and birth is a natural thing. But even way back when before medical interventions and such there were women that STILL needed help! Animals birth beautifully. They remain calm and let nature do its thing but sometimes they STILL need help!

You did a beautiful thing. You and your dh created a little life. You worked hard to not be pressured by your OB in the end. You labored, giving your babe a beautiful start! You had a different ending in your birth than you anticipated but the overall result was still the same! You have a beautiful baby boy who you are going to raise in the most natural way possible! Think of how lucky your son is to have a mom like you!

But I wrote the above post to help vwmama feel better but I think I ended up writing my own pep talk. I feel like I'm finally starting to pinpoint why I'm hesitant to VBAC and how I really feel. I think I have spent the last 17 months trivializing how I feel and I'm tired of it!8 Its time for me to step up and embrace my sons birth and the things that have happened!

Anyway, vwmama...if you could make heads or tails of my post... Congrats on the babe!!!
post #75 of 110
I wish I had more time to contribute to this thread. I just wanted to say (again) that it took me 5.5 years and 4 children to finally make peace with my classical c-birth and that all my babies are born by c-birth. I have stopped feeling sorry for myself (not that you ladies are doing that! Just MY personal exp.) and have accepted it. I had a WONDERFUL birth exp. with Addie Mae 3 weeks ago. I also had to make peace witht he fac that for some unknown reason (poss. insulin ressistance) my body does not make enough milk to sustain a baby. Not only is this my 4th c-birthed baby, but it is also my 4th bottlefed baby. It sucks, but that's just the way it is for me. I tried everything known to womankind to make milk for her, yet nothing happened. Weird, I know, but this is the THIRD time this has happened. (don't forget I had twins the first time, if yer doin' the math! LOL!) I just have had to stop comparing myself to others and know that I AM a wonderful mother. I have always done the VERY BEST I could for my lil darlin's. I'm ONLY speaking from my exp. None of this should be percieved as me telling you other mamas how to feel. One thing that made me put in all in perspective was my mw. She very gently told me that if I was going to ever get oer this I was going to have to get thicker skin. That yes, it sucked, but that I still have a wonderful baby (well, 4 wonderful babies), that the mamas that judge me were NOT there. They are Monday Morning Quaterbacking and that I don't OWE anyone a glimpse of my personal pain unless I want to give it to them. I don't have to justify to them all the hardwork and pain I have endured. I don't have to beg them to believe that I made the right decision. I OWN the decisions that I have made. Only I could make them with the information I had at the time. I finally feel NO GUILT.



I will pray for you mamas. I will pray that you find peace in whatever your decisions have been and whatever you choose to do in the future.

Remember your experinces make you who you are, that special mama that was chosen just right for that special babe you carried.
post #76 of 110
To all of you mamas. A an extra hug to TreeLove, whom I know personally. You have one mama not judging you, TreeLove. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.
post #77 of 110
Another from me too....
and Congrats to the "new" mommas!!

It is hard to come to grips with c-sections sometimes, but all we can do is do the best for our babies, no matter how we do it....
When ever anyone whose just had a new babe asks me for advice, you know what I say....
"you need to do what works for you and your family and not worry about what everyone else is doing!!" It's hard at times trust me I know, but what could be more wonderful then a little babe no matter how they got here....

Take care all!!
vwmama my babe was 10lbs 6 oz...and there was no way he was coming out any way but c-birth....enjoy your "little" one.
post #78 of 110
When ppl found out I had a c/s they are shocked...not sure why though.

A friend of mine had a c/s in June and since no one else had had one I was the only one she had to ask questions. It might sound silly but I've found that my birth experience has actually become very useful. I've been able to share with more women about natural parenting,birthing, and c/b than I would have if I had had a v/b.

Am I the only one with that experience?
post #79 of 110
Thread Starter 
Something I've been pondering lately is why some women need to hold cesarean births as something apart. For example, I participate in another parenting community which does a monthly newsletter. In the newsletter our birth was announced as "via c-section." Another woman who is expecting in October is also mentioned as "via c-section." Other women who also had babies weren't listed as having them "through their vagina"-why the need to make the cesarean ones stand out?
post #80 of 110
I don't know...but I personally think it would be funny to see "through her vagina" all over the place! That just made me chuckle!
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