Cesarean support circle III (moved from Finding Your Tribe) - Page 5

[babydoll]

I have been busy...

I started reading the first posts and started getting really upset about Cynthia Mosher's claim that C-section delivery should be in the same class as formula feeders or religious circumcision. Making the decision to feed formula and circ is a decision you make - not one that is made for you. In my eyes there are 2 ways to have a baby. vaginally and c-sec. I do not feel we have equal representation. I had to have a c-section if I wanted a healthy baby and a healthy me - not because I wanted my nether regions to remain tight (yeah someone actually said women get c-sections for this reason on another thread), not because I wanted a way longer recovery and a lot more pain. This might have been cleared up in later threads - I did not have time to read all of them. *SIGH*
I guess if you have never had a c-section you cannot appreciate the difference. *REALLY BIG SIGH*


Anyhoo...

The real reason I started reading this forum tonight is that at 13.5 months pp I have finally found a really good low ab exercise. I just started it yesterday and I am having incision pain that reminds me of the first few days - weeks postpartum. _ anybody have that? I am guessing it is my muscles in there somewhere.

[TreeLove]

kinda OT, but wanting just mention that sometimes formula feeding is not a choice. I have tried to bf all 4 of my children and have never been able to make more than 3/4 of an ounce or so. I totally don't want to discuss this in here, I am just trying to spread awareness. The docs/mws/LCs can't figure out why I don't make enough milk, but I just don't. My babies become lethargic, juandiced, pass crytals, lose >12% body weight in 5 days, are bordrline hospitalization ( I can usu. talk my way out of that one!) etc. So please don't assume that all bottlefeeding moms make a choice to do so, sometimes it is only by necessity. I'm just saying this because many bfing AP moms see me in public and I get the cold shoulder, nasty looks and have even been chastized for not bf.

Okay, nuff said.

[Missgrl]

{{{{Treelove....a wonderful mamma}}}}}}

babydoll~I don't think cynthia was trying to lump cbirth mammas with
ff and disposable diapers. I just think she was trying to give examples of all the forums ppl request and how it is not feasible to have a seperate forum for all. So the best thing for this situation was to have a Birth Forum (and beyond) that can encompass many, many birth issues and questions.
Please don't feel you don't have equal representation. I think this thread is fantastic and I already feel more powerful about my c/b story!

[wwhippetcrazy]

Just wanted to second the "birth thru vagina" thing!
A much needed laugh!

Jen

[ladylee]

So the best thing for this situation was to have a Birth Forum (and beyond) that can encompass many, many birth issues and questions.
Please don't feel you don't have equal representation.-Missgrl

I would have to say it's not possible to feel we're equally represented. It feels like we're given space as an offshoot. It's great to have the forum as a place for the many issues to be discussed, and I know Cynthia is taking our concerns into consideration, but what those of us who object object to (terrible phrasing, lol) is that those many birth issues that pertain to VBACs, Birth Stories, and Homebirth are given mention in the forum title. There's no mention of cesarean by necessity (as there was with the old system) and that's not equal representation. And as others have said, we are a large, active group here at MDC.

[its_our_family]

i told my dh about the "through the vagine" thing...he about fell out of his chair!

The condesending looks and "oh"s that we get get to him too. He was there and he knows that we were misinformed and bullied.... it was too late on a friday night and the ob had a cocktail party to go to...or something...

[ladylee]

A rather insensitive acquaintence said something similar to me-about my doctor having a round of golf to get to :.

[Missgrl]

Originally posted by ladylee

I would have to say it's not possible to feel we're equally represented. It feels like we're given space as an offshoot. It's great to have the forum as a place for the many issues to be discussed, and I know Cynthia is taking our concerns into consideration, but what those of us who object object to (terrible phrasing, lol) is that those many birth issues that pertain to VBACs, Birth Stories, and Homebirth are given mention in the forum title. There's no mention of cesarean by necessity (as there was with the old system) and that's not equal representation. And as others have said, we are a large, active group here at MDC.

Don't get me wrong.....I completely understand your viewpoint and not trying
to do any disagreeing (I know you're not either).....I'm just chatting!

The forum title which encompasses VBAC, hb and bstories, that you see on the main index page isn't actually the
'title'. Those are the subforums w/in the Birth and Beyond forum. To put C/B by neccesity in the 'title' would mean that it would be a subforum as well.
And since it's not an independent subforum....it's not on the index page.

I do know that cynthia is taking it all into consideration and doing some thinking. I agree that putting c/b somewhere would steer members in the right direction that are looking for support. Hopefully something can be worked out that will please all.

[ladylee]

I'm just chatting!

Me too!

Hopefully something can be worked out that will please all.

And I appreciate that the decision makers are listening to these concerns-thanks!

[KKmama]

I *soooooooooo* appreciate this discussion. And I'm so glad I found it, and yeah, I'd like it to be where it can be found.

My $ .02, even though I'm repeating some of what's already been said....

I took really great care of myself during my pregnancy with ds, and I *really* prepared myself for a drug-free vaginal birth. I had a very experienced midwife with a very low rate of c births. I also prepared myself for the possibility that things (any things) might not go the way I planned during my birth. I went 2 1/2 weeks late, and during that time, I did everything under the sun to try to get my labor going. Ds went into 2nd degree distress, and I finally had an emergency cesarean which I believe was medically necessary (and my midwife told me that ds wouldn't have made through labor, *if* we could have even gotten it going). Ds was fine, and I was relieved.

We are still nursing, 28 months later (and I am 10 wks pg). I do cloth diapers, co-sleep, we're vegetarians, we love the earth, yada yada yada.

What I really don't like is when there's a "crunchiness" contest (for lack of a better description) when someone tries to tell me that my cesarean wasn't necessary or that I somehow failed. I hate it! It's so rude! (And yes, it has happened to me on these boards--not this thread, though.) These people don't know the whole story, they haven't reviewed my medical records, and they certainly aren't thinking about my feelings. Yeah, there are a lot of cesareans--too many. Many *are* unnecessary. But who's qualified to decide that? And does it make women feel better to have this aimed against them? Does it do any good? It certainly doesn't preven't cesareans to rub women's noses in their "failures."

I want a safe place to talk about what happened and what my options are in this and future pregnancies. I don't want dogma shoved down my throat (as it has been on some VBAC threads), and I don't want to feel judged because I don't feel awful about my c birth and because I'm saying "I'll *try* for a VBAC this time" (because I am going to *try* and try hard, but realistically, it could happen again). I *do* understand that many women feel traumatized by their c births, and I want to be supportive of them.

I do feel like the baby is what really matters in the end; I'm glad that it was my *birth* that was disappointing, not my ds.

I'd like the word "cesarean" to be mentioned somewhere. I suggest something like "talking about cesareans", which is pretty neutral. Unfortunately, it would apply to a lot of women. And I think if Mothering does want to get women on the VBAC track, getting them to the point where there's a safe place to talk about their cesareans, what happened, what they wanted to have happen, what they'd like for the future, etc. would be a good start. At the *very* least, the VBAC threads could be more closely moderated.

For many women, a cesarean *is* a loss. There is a well-marked place for the discussion of miscarriage and still-birth. Can we have a safe place, too?

Kristine

[ladylee]

welcome, Kristine-it's good to hear you...

[ladylee]

Hikaru-are you out there? I'm thinking of you!

[mamasarah]

hi everyone,

i'm not going to get into details of my girl's birth right now, i just wanted to ask some questions.

dd is going on 15 mos, and before we even think (i've already thought!) of having another one, i want to really educate myself on repeat c-sec and vbac. i was wondering if someone could tell me how to get my medical records of the c-sec?

i usually feel like i'd want a vbac if i did it again, but sometimes i feel like i just couldn't bear another experience like the last. it really did a number on me! i would want a happy, beautiful birth, whether by c-sec or vbac. i just want to know how my midwife documented it so i can see it for myself...

well, to all of you.

this is a great place for all of us to share our thoughts.

[ladylee]

Hi mamasarah-all you have to do is call and ask for copies of your records. Some people charge for them.

[Hikaru]

LOL!!! I come home from the hospital and you give me a great giggle...vagina, vagina, vagina.....just love that word!!

Now for my news.....I had a baby girl on October 7th and just got home from the hospital today Yes, I had a cesarian...here in Japan that means you stay in the hospital for at least a week.
I kind of panicked during the birth because they had trouble getting the spinal in and kept having to stick me again and again...but
other than that it had been soooooo much easier than my DS's birth mainly because I have more confidence, I didn't make myself
go through 34 hours of contractions before allowing them to do
the cesarian (twelve hours of dripping blood and amniotic fluid
was enough this time) and I didn't act macho about using painkillers afterwards, so I was able to really enjoy my little girl.
Nursed her on the delivery table and have been falling madly in love with her since!
Her name is Skye, she's big (8 and a half pounds and I'm only 4 foot 10), feeding well and sleeps a lot (unlike her 3 year old brother Satori who woke me up every 45 minutes when he was new...)

I type one-handed pretty well...so you'll be hearing more from me. If my posts have no capital letters or punctuation it's because I'm breastfeeding at the keyboard!
Blessings,

Hikaru

[its_our_family]

Hikaru--I'm glad everything went well!! I'll have to remember what you said...not acting macho about using painkiller...

[ladylee]

Congratulations Hikaru and welcome SKYE!!!

When I didn't see you around I figured you were off having a baby somewhere! I hope you're feeling well, and am glad everything is going so smoothly.

I could so relate--the first time around everything was so difficult, now thing s just seem to flow.

Take good care, Hikaru-speedy recovery to you!

and congrats to big brother!

[Peppermint]

Well, I finally found you all, congrats to those of you who just had your babies

I posted in the FYT about my experiences, and how I will have all of my children via c-birth (a new term for me)

I have been told by every OBGYN and midwife that my pelvis is "abnormal" and I would never birth a baby. When I got pregnant the first time, I decided there was no harm in trying to prove them wrong and my Ob was ok with that, but then she was breech, and my OB advised me that it was not such a great idea anymore, as her body could've made it out and her shoulders and head could've been stuck, so I agreed to c-birth, and I think that was the right choice ( by the time I had her she was shoulder presentation anyway, so it wasn't really a choice.

With my son, I decided to try VBAC but in the end he was too big, and I am "abnormal" (-always knew that), so another c-birth.

Here I am planning #3.

Has anyone on here every known they would need a c-birth and chosen to go into labor first? I have decided to go into early labor then do the c-birth, I will not labor hard, as there is a risk of rupture which would only be worthwhile if there were any chance in he!! of the baby coming out that way, YK?

Anywho, I hate hearing about how "your body won't grow a baby you can't birth" and on religious boards I visit "God doesn't make women wrong". I wonder why people can't see by looking around them that people have all sorts of problems, some are born blind, others are born without legs, and on and on, why is it so hard to understand that some women are also born with pelvises that will not pass a baby through? Is that such an unbelievable concept? Seems logical to me that that would happen, although rare, as are the other thigns I mentioned. (same goes for BFing, treelove, I totally can see that there has to be some cases, or medical conditions where one would not be able to BF)

On the topic of Mothering making a place for us that was easy to find, I don't expect it, I wish it would happen, but I don't expect it, that way I won't be disappointed, and I get so much here otherwise that it is still worth coming.

Well, I think that's about it, but I would like to hear people's thoughts on my going into early labor (I live 5 minutes from the very major hospital I am delivering at), my only concern (beyond who will be with my kids when I go in if unexpectedly) is that I may not get my OB to deliver if I go this way, I may end up with whomever is on at that time:

Also, any thoughts on how to make a c-birth the best it can be?

[mamasarah]

thanks ladylee for that info on the hospital records.

i just wanted to say CONGRATS! to Hikaru. what a wonderful experience it sounds like you had. very inspirational
enjoy your new peanut!

[its_our_family]

JESS----If I were to c/b again I would insist on going into labor first! I talked to dh about it and he agreed. I think it is a good idea. That way you know baby is ready and you still get the excitement of...THIS IS IT!!!