Originally Posted by zoebird
or, i could utilize the RSVP process to get the "word of mouth" information out there, and then accept--after that--anything that ends up coming as a gift (which is what i do now for myself anyway).
from an etiquette standpoint, there is a snare (which has been explained before), and there are benefits and draw backs to both perspectives.
Yes..... it is a gift. A gift. Trust me, as a minimalist, I totally get being given stuff that I won't use, disagree with, the whole bit. But, it is a gift. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" and all that. Yes it is nice to receive something that you appreciate, can use, wasn't a waste of the giver's money and your time in getting rid of it, but I don't feel that as the recipient one has any right to dictate to the giver what to get. If the giver asks, then guidance can be given. But to start off with the guidance is what is rude/presumptuous IMO.
Originally Posted by Demeter9
And if it is tacky to put a note in a child's card, then it is also tacky to tell them when they phone. Assuming that they phone, and that when they do they understand English well enough to understand the exchange.
You are so right, it would be rude to tell
them when they call. Now, if they ask
for guidance on procuring a gift when they call, then suggestions can be made.
ITA with PP who said sometimes the unexpected gift is the best kind. More than once I've heaved an internal *sigh* when DC have opened a gift from certain relatives, only to mentally
to myself later after I've realized the gift turned out to be a great thing.
As a gift giver, it makes me uncomfortable to be 'told' what to get/what not to get. An invite that states "no gifts please" (in whatever phrasing) makes me wonder if I should follow that, or just go with getting a gift, anyway, since I'm then worried that every other attendee will indeed have a gift and then I'll be the only one who didn't
and then I'll look foolish/rude. Either way I risk being rude: if I don't get a gift, I might look foolish, if I do get a gift that's
actually going against the wishes of the host, so what to do??? And when told about a registry, then I wonder if the recipient will be irritated and unappreciative if I give something that is not on the list. And it seems that when I do the items are priced such that I either have to spend less than I planned and end up getting a lame gift (one towel, anyone?) or am forced to go way over my spending limit.
I understand the "just trying to help and save time" and "everybody brings gifts" sentiments, I also understand wanting to guide the gifts to save waste (giver's $, recipient's space and/or time and energy), but it just never comes out to it being ok to tell someone what to give. To be the recipient and to make that first move in telling/guiding the gift is presumptuous IMO.