For those of you with older dc's

[Lolafanana]

So, for those of you who have older children, how are they/ you handling the new addition?

I have a 2 year old dd and for the most part, I think she is handling it pretty well. She is definately going through a really difficult sleep regression (lots of crying before going to bed and no naps) and is all about mommy (daddy is only acceptable in desperation) BUT I am not handling it so well. I THINK I'm doing a decent job of splitting my time and giving lots of love to dd but I just feel so bad for her- she's all of a sudden not my baby anymore and has to share my time. I hate all the crying at bedtime but don't know what to do (we cosleep and we all go to bed together but she just fights the actual sleeping part)

If you've btdt, how long until things get "back to normal"? Any advice for an easy transition? and how are you all handling it?

[esmlranch]

i don't have any btdt advice as i just added the 2nd. my ds is 2 3/4 yrs. it was difficult for him to be with daddy so much at first, but he seems to be doing ok with him. with me he is acting out a bit. i try to give him his 1:1 time and keep some routines, but like you, i feel terribly guilty.

i had a conversation with him about how when he was a baby he had mommy all to himself, but the baby has to share right away. this seemed to make sense to him. i've been trying to include him in the everyday tasks by having him be a helper. on the other hand i don't want to put a lot og big boy pressure on him...............i feel like it is such a delicate balance.

curious to hear how it is going for others.

[Lolafanana]

See, that's how I feel, too. Everyone keeps saying to dd that she's such a big girl now and I feel like that puts an expectation on her. It's a lot of pressure. Of course we do call her a big girl every now and then (she really likes it) but she shouldn't feel like she "has to" always be a big girl, ya know?

Elaina, when you say your ds is acting out, what does that look like?

[XanaduMama]

:

ds is 27 months and doing reasonably. We've had some episodes, and definitely some "I WANT MOMMY" tantrums (incl during labor), but it's been less stressful than I'd anticipated. Of course it's only been 2 days...

[nugglemama]

Well so far my kids seem to be dealing just fine. My younger 2 are using the time I am nursing to get into a bit more trouble, but on the whole our life and routine has remained the same, I just now have the baby strapped onto the outside rather then in. LOL. Within a few weeks or a month you will have settled into a new routine. Some children take longer to adapt, but it will come. Just keep giving that one on one when you can.

[esmlranch]

here are some examples of ds's acting out:
- it can be difficult to convince him to do simple everyday things like potty. get dressed, sit down and eat.
- he has emotional outbursts over simple things.
- he will ask if it is ok to do something and when told no will do it anyway.
- he struggles with me when i am trying to get him dressed, dry him, put lotion on him, etc. he has been hitting/kicking at me.

seems like typical 2 y/o stuff i know but it just seems to be magnified and is so constant that it is difficult to be patient with him.

i keep reminding myself that his whole routine has been changed and that is not comfortable for him. he is used to a busy schedule with me. he has been doing things with dh, my aunt and mom but it is not me so is not the same.

[Leiahs]

This is on my mind a lot today.

My DD was 22 months when DS was born. I honestly remember very little of how the transition went with her, but I do remember that she absolutely loved having a new baby in the house and just doted on him constantly. I don't remember any major issues, but it's also very likely, with the way my memories tend to work (lol), that I chose not to remember any difficulties. She tended to be a very good sleeper and very independent at that age, anyway.

But I'm worried about the transition with this next baby, especially since we visited a woman with a 3 month old today. My DD would NOT leave the poor baby alone! She hunted down every toy in the house, saying, "Maybe he will like this one!" and shoving them in his face. When he finally fell asleep, she wouldn't stop grabbing his feet and hands, or trying to tickle him. I felt so bad. I told DH about it during lunch, saying, "I'm worried about the next baby! The poor kid is going to be absolutely..." And DH pops in with the perfect word: Smothered. She's going to absolutely smother our poor little baby boy with attention! Of course, I am trying to remember that the baby will maybe enjoy it, and that the novelty of the new baby may wear off and she'll back off a bit. I hope.

On the other hand, DS hardly paid any attention at all to the baby, and I really feel like he has no clue that his life is about to be invaded by a new brother. I worry that he'll really have issues about not being the baby anymore - he's gotten more independent, but he is still very much a mommy's boy, and is certainly at an age where sharing is an issue. Good sleep is hit and miss with him, too, so I worry about how a major change in our family life will affect that.

I just hope it all works itself out easily and quickly!!

[ilovemygurlz]

noella is 22mths old & completely close to me as i am to her. she loves having the baby around. she knows shes her sister. she becomes motherly over her but sometimes she gets a lil aggressive w/o meaning it. she'll touch her face & head & say "Aww baby" but she'll end up doing it roughly & i have to stop her & show her the "nice" way of doing it but she gets upset & tells me not to touch the baby.

shes doing good with her, but lately shes been acting out. i dont think its bc of the baby; i do however believe its bc shes gonna be 2 in 2 months & shes just getting ready for the terrible 2s. well i may as well get ready for it too so it wont be a big surprise to me. shes always been hyper & somewhat out of hand but its getting a lot worse.

anyway, all in all, when it comes to amber shes doing good with her. shes still close to me, calls for me & doesnt seem jealous at all.

seems as if girl toddlers are more tentative to lil babies than boy toddlers for some reason lol. must be a "mommy" thing.

[CherryBomb]

It was pretty easy with dd2, dd1 was almost 4 so understood every thing pretty well. This time, dd2 is not sure what to think of dd3. We've only been home a few hours but while I was nursing dd3 dd2 came up and tried to push her off saying "all done! all done!" and then cried. Poor girl.

[dianna11]

DD is 3 and a bit, and she seems to be doing great with the whole big sister thing so far! Everyone is making an extra effort to giver her the attention first when they come to visit (because the baby won't know any different), and she is also excited about hanging out with DH more and doing things like Tae Kwon Do class and go to the local kids drop in centers. We always get her to introduce the baby to visitors, so she feels like she is part of the fun, instead of being bypassed. She also loves giving him gentle kisses on the head and being sure he has blankets

She is doing great, however, I'm finding that I'm not as patient with her regular 3 year old quirks, like taking hours to eat a meal, or getting dressed. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal, but I find my sleep deprivation and caloric deprivation (between breastfeeding and not having enough time between the two kids to prepare a meal for myself), I'm less than easy going. She is hearing me apologize to her quite a bit for overreacting and being frustrated.

[watermama05]

DD is 33 months and is doing pretty well. She's completely in love with her baby sister, kisses and hugs her, holds her well, is sharing her mama milk nicely, etc.

She has definitely been acting out a bit with DH and I though- mostly not listening to us/refusing to cooperate with basic things like eating, getting dressed/undressed, etc. We've tried to keep her routine as normal as possible, and keep our expectations of her the same as before DD2 arrived. She's been getting a lot of extra and special attention from friends and family, which is fantastic, but is also part of the acting out with us I think.

She also seems to have more energy, and slightly more wild energy than before- I am sort of chalking this up to the fact that it's spring and sunny more often now, and that we've been spending more time at home doing quiet stuff in the last two weeks. So I'm trying to make sure she gets some good physical activity time every day, outdoors as much as possible, as that helps all of our moods. Much as it's nice to rest post partum, if we just sit around inside all afternoon we're all pretty snippy by dinnertime.