Does your teen enjoy family?

[Strong Mama]

My 14yo has to have a friend ALWAYS. ALWAYS. If his dad or I try to do an outing like a camping trip, etc, to spend family time together, there is always a friend there. If he is at my house on the weekends, he is either gone all weekend at a friends, or a friend is here all weekend. I want him to enjoy being at home without the need for a friend always.

[Storm Bride]

DS1 really enjoys his siblings sometimes, and seems to like being around me and dh okay. Overall, though - he has a very strong social need for a friend around for most activities. It tends to drive dh nuts, but I'm okay with it. I just don't think he was cut out to be an only child (wasn't my idea, either) - he always did well when his two years younger cousin lived downstairs.

[Nature]

My 9 year old is not a teen yet, but I'm finding this to be an issue already. (I say "issue" because honestly it does bother me a bit.) From the moment she gets out of school until her bedtime she has a need to be with her friends. I'm really feeling disconnected from her lately because she has spent so little time with US as a family. But I'm torn between what to do about it. She's being a kid, but.. things feel a little off balance to me. Even her sisters miss her terribly. She's gone from 6 am and then after school she's outside until dark. Then the little ones are in bed. That means zero time spent at all being a family.

[Sage.Naissance]

I never wanted to do ANYTHING with my family from about 12 until about a year after i lived on my own for almost a year (so 18). After that I really enjoyed, and still do being with my parents and brother. As long as they are positive and constructive around me (they watch too much tv and are more grumpy than I am comfortable with). Its a teen thing, for sure.

[alima]

My ds (14yo) is fine without a friend all the time, and always enjoys our time together, but he's been homeschooled for 6 years.

[Arduinna]

naw, dd doesn't need another teen joined at the hip when she does stuff. In fact she has always taken active breaks from her friends, but many of her friends were kinda high maintenance and demanding which isn't something she tolerates well.

[Jennyfur]

My teens enjoy family very much. I think we're happiest when we're together. There's a sense of total comfort and belongingness that takes place when there are no "outsiders." We have the same (warped) sense of humor and we laugh all the time. Tonight we had a St. Patrick's Day dinner at my parents' house, and we giggled ourselves silly.

That being said, they also enjoy time with friends. DD13 especially is very outgoing and social. But similar to what Arduinna said about her own child, my DD needs a break from some friends who are high-maintenance. Her best friend right now is really calm and Emily loves that there's no drama. She hates drama, as do I.

Nearly every weekend, one of my teens has a friend sleep over, or vice versa. But there's plenty of time without friends. We've never taken friends on vacations or anything like that.

However, one of Emily's friends always has friends around. Emily was invited to spend a week at the beach with her last summer & will be going this summer as well. For me personally, I wouldn't want someone else around that often. :

FWIW, my teens are very similar in personality to my DH and me.

[Alkenny]

DD doesn't always have to have a friend with us, but she does spend alot of her free time socializing. When she goes places with us, we do get some complaints, eyerolls and the MP3 player in her ears.

[PancakeGoddess]

Mine prefers to have friends along, but usually gets into it once we gets started on a family thing. For the OP, if this concerns you (and it does concern me, wrt my own kid), I highly recommend the book Hold On To Your Kids. IMO, the title is unfortunate and misleading - the books is primarily about strong peer orientation. He explains that this is a historically recent development and although most people consider it normal and healthy, it is very much not. He is NOT anti-peer, but he warns against kids becoming so oriented toward their peers that they cannot receive needed parental guidance.

[sagewinna]

My teen loves spending time with our family and it doesn't really matter what we are doing.

[mtiger]

Hmmm.... Both of mine (14 & 16) are pretty active socially, but enjoy spending time just the three of us. We actually like being together. Now and again they groan about spending time with my folks, but that's pretty rare.

I've also never taken a friend on vacation with us. That's "us" time.

[debbieh]

My 17 yo dd seems to enjoy family very much. She spends the night at her siblings homes, plays with her 3 nephews all the time and comes in and lays with her dad and I while we all watch movies together. She even asks me to read to her several nights a week, and while I do, she sits on the couch with her head resting on my shoulder. She is always eager to go on family trips, no matter where we might be going.

[wife&mommy]

I don't have teens but I was one not long ago. I always wanted a friend with me as well. My parents were older, (like in their 50's, older than my friends parents anyway) and I just didn't feel like they related to me that much as a teen. I always wanted a friend. Anytime we went somewhere I had one. Then on the weekends usually I would stay the night with a friend one night and have a friend stay at my house the other night, EVERY weekend. Just how it was for me. Wasn't that I didn't like my parents or didn't like family, I just had a need to have peers around. That said, my mom did get hurt a few times when I wouldn't do things with her but would do them with my friends. I feel bad about that now!

[double feature]

We're dealing with this issue right now actually. My daughters (19 and 16) are two completely different people. The 19-year-old is incredibly social and has a very close group of friends, but she prefers to keep the friends and family separate for the most part. Her boyfriend does join us on a number of occasions, but it's within reasonable amounts. The 16-year-old has one "best friend" who she is attached to the hip with. Basically, this girl lives with us. It's gotten ridiculous. My daughter is anti-social when it comes to us to begin with, but now that said friend has entered the picture (their friendship is very new still), she's become even more withdrawn from us and pretty much spends her entire time with friend. When she "has" to be with us, friend usually joins. It's annoying.

[Strong Mama]

Thanks for all the replies. I am going to read that book mentioned above, thank you. I am glad that my son is outgoing, loved by friends, etc, but I miss him. He eyerolls when he has to spend time with just us, or he withdraws. Its really annoying me.

[MamaLisa1]

since my older two have each other, they do not ever feel the necessity to have a friend along and they do enjoy family. We have movie days where we all go to the dollar theater, and we go play golf or to the park as a family.
Now, that said....if the older two didn't have the other, they would be begging for a friend to come. I was an only child, and I always had to have someone come along. I looked at your photo, and I noticed there is a big age gap between your kids. I suspect your son just feels like he needs someone closer to his age to relate to and make it more fun.
I would probably let him on some occasions and not on others, but you'd have to decide which ones are most important for another person to not be along on.