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Circumcision - Page 5

post #81 of 91
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim919 View Post
When it comes right down to the wire.... who makes the decision? Do both parents have to sign off? We are not married, do i get the final decision?
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The mother has the final say, married or not. You can just tell your inlaws that you are leaving it up to your son (and one day, I hope that is the only person who will legally be able to decide)

Feel free to pm me your email and i can send you a word document about why having it done before reaching adulthood- in medical/body mod terms- is the worst time to have it done.
post #82 of 91
We did a lot of research before our first even, and I will say it didn't take much research to convince me at all. I was more looking for reasons TO do it but it was so obvious what was right for us. Then we got a girl, then another girl, but by the time my ds was born I had been ready years before and secure with that decision so it was wonderful to just "be". I can't imagine having him go through that or taken from me to endure that. He is 22 months old and beautiful. He is definately the first in our families not to be circ'ed and I think dh's parents were a bit taken back but never would say anything (they know better, ) to us. I give my dh so much credit too, he is circ'ed and he too looks beautiful but he didn't even want to consider it if it meant putting ds through the pain of a useless procedure.
post #83 of 91
I have always felt that circumcision was strange; why mess with millions of years of evolution? When my husband and I decided that we wanted to have a child, the topic came up a few times and he seemed to be "on the fence" about it, but leaning toward pro-circ. This really concerned me. We usually agree on most matters. I started hoping for a girl!

At a recent doctor's appointment, a nurse was asking us about a hundred questions. One question was whether or not we'll circumsize and I said, "We're fighting that one out." My husband really surprised me by saying, "No, we're not." At first I thought he was being stubborn, but no, he apparently did some research on his own and now he agrees with me and we will NOT be letting anyone cut our child for no good reason.

That made my day!
post #84 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim919 View Post
Oh Boy, the issue just got worse in my house. We told my boyfriend's parents last night, and the first thing his father said when we told him we were having a home birth was "what if its a boy?" I didn't actually understand what he was saying, but my boyfriend apparently picked up on it. He said "the midwife will do it right there" i said "No she wont" then I realized we were gearing up for a huge fight. His parents were absolutly dead set on having a circ, and when we got home and re-opened the argument he is dead set on it also. When it comes right down to the wire.... who makes the decision? Do both parents have to sign off? We are not married, do i get the final decision?

PS: If my child at any point decides himself that HE wants this cosmetic procedure, I have no problem with allowing him to make that choice.
I wrote about this in your other post but research this issue and present your bf with solid information against circ, tell him that "because i want my son to look like me" is not an argument and if he wants to actually be involved in this decision, then come up with information like you took the time to do. AND show him videos. That is always a big changing point for many ppl! Good luck mama.
post #85 of 91
Just sharing this because I know many of you will understand how I'm feeling!

I am on Babycenter too and went to my October 2008 due date group there. There is a huge discussion on circumcision, with about 85% of moms so far saying they will circumcise. For reasons that I personally just find shocking. There are so many I can't even recall them all, but the one that made my jaw drop I just couldn't believe it - was that you're doing your sons future wife a favour. An uncircumcised penis is bound to get very dirty and what wife wants to wait while her husband 'cleans himself' before having sex. I mean, are you KIDDING ME??????? It is so so sad and scary that people really believe these things. I don't think I can go back on the board, I am just so shocked by the narrow minded ness and lack of research that has gone into so many of the posts there. I recognize many people have done research and made the decisions based on what works for them - and in that case, I support their decisions. But for the ones who just have no clue and spout such nonsense, OMG!!!
post #86 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane456 View Post
I recognize many people have done research and made the decisions based on what works for them - and in that case, I support their decisions. But for the ones who just have no clue and spout such nonsense, OMG!!!
I had to poke my nose in here...this 'works for our family' excuse is the worst by far...can someone please explain to me how a baby's penis effects anyone else in the family except the boy? Is anyone else planning on using it?
post #87 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassionateWriter View Post

sorry if that sounds harsh but what you stated is just very surprising to me.
Don't worry, I didn't think anything any of you said was harsh. I was honestly just curious what all this talk was about. I also want to state, I am NOT trying to be rude. I really enjoy looking at all the forums, I just don't post much because I don't have much to say!

Just for some background from me. . .we did have our son circ'd, and if this one is a boy we do not plan on circumcising him. Even though we have made that decision, it's good to look at the information that is available and be able to tell people exactly why we aren't. So I appreciate all the links people posted.

Kim919: I have one suggestion for you. Ask your boyfriend if you can at least wait 6 months to make the decision after the baby is born. After the baby is born (if it's a girl, it's a non issue) you can do the research together and hopefully in the 6 months or so he can see for himself how good of a thing non-circ is. I asked my hubby if we could do that, just wait 6 months or so and he said sure, then a little while later told me "we probably won't circ him anyway". In my opinion, men just need you to guide them in the right direction with care and understanding. Telling them YOU are going to make the decision no matter what they think only gets them on the defensive and makes life worse.
post #88 of 91
I just wanted to add on a lighter note; my DH is so cheap when he saw that circ'ing was almost $500, he said "Hmmm, I don't think a baby boy needs to be circed. Do you?"
post #89 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Milkymommi View Post
I'm really glad this angle was appraoched... and so respectfully at that We are a Jewish family and we are of those who choose not to circ. It can be so very sensitive so thank you to everyone who so carefully but without shame appraoched such an important topic!!
Kristi, I don't think I mentioned that I'm Jewish also. There are many of us here I believe.
post #90 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim919 View Post
Oh Boy, the issue just got worse in my house. We told my boyfriend's parents last night, and the first thing his father said when we told him we were having a home birth was "what if its a boy?" I didn't actually understand what he was saying, but my boyfriend apparently picked up on it. He said "the midwife will do it right there" i said "No she wont" then I realized we were gearing up for a huge fight. His parents were absolutly dead set on having a circ, and when we got home and re-opened the argument he is dead set on it also. When it comes right down to the wire.... who makes the decision? Do both parents have to sign off? We are not married, do i get the final decision?

PS: If my child at any point decides himself that HE wants this cosmetic procedure, I have no problem with allowing him to make that choice.
As far as I am concerned, a mother's #1 priority is protecting her children. If anyone, including the child's father, is threatening to cause harm, then my opinion is that the mother must prevent that. Of course, I don't advocate just saying "its my way or the highway" but I do suggest presenting the information and attempting to change opinions via intelligence; however, thats not always possible.

I had this conversation w/in a few dates, so my partner knows exactly how I feel. I wish everyone would discuss this prior to dating to prevent these types of disagreements...but its like parenthood..there will be some disagreements that need to be worked out....its a matter of how its done I guess.

And really...i can find NO logical reason for circ'ing....so bowing to a man and having a child's penis mutilated just perpetuates the "men over women" idea, at least for me. You can agree to allow your son to make his own decision when he's an adult. If he decides to have his penis mutilated, then he can do it.

I do have to add that my ds's intact penis is so much easier to deal w/ than circ'd ones (and yes, unfortunately I know from experience).
post #91 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassionateWriter View Post
Kristi, I don't think I mentioned that I'm Jewish also. There are many of us here I believe.



Welp... you know you're pregnant when you tear up over a message board post as simple as that Oh yeah... I'm DEFinately pregnant.
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