How to handle this gently (2 year olds).

[Hesperia]

I look after two, two year olds, who are 2 monts apart in age, and close like brothers (they are cousins).

Lately, the sharing is getting better, still vocal, but less resistance to sharing. I think they are getting when you give something away that you really like, it does really come back!

Anyways, one of the little boys, colin is very strong willed and very passionate. He often yells things like "Colin's toy" or "No no no no Mattie" if the other boy is even looking at him.

Matt(ie), is gentle and often passive, but has started shoveing out of the blue. No anger involved, just a really good push. Colin is small and flies when this happens, and is reduced to tears. Not that the distance of the push matters!

The issue we are having, is Matt is very in your face....both good and bad. Colin likes his space...and needs it. Ofcourse the other two year old doesn't 'get' this. When Matt gets too close to Colin, Colin gets annoyed and lashes out, sometimes pinches, mostly n-n-n-n-nooos. Matt then gets upset at him for being pushed away emotionally, and runs off pouting and obviously hurt. Matt will continue to come back, over and over again, with the in your face, here have this toy, I want you to be my friend thing, and Colin gets annoyed again, and loses it.

I try to keep Matt away from Colin, when I know colin is likely to be more annoyed. But, they are so close.

Anyways. What do you lovelies suugest I say/do to help calm Colins upsets about others being close to him? Should I continue to explain to Matt that some people just need more space, come show me? *even though this doesn't work...yet*
What would you suggest I do about Matt pushing?
Today, I took him aside and told him that pushing isn't ok at all. We don't pus anyone. He didn't look upset (not that I wanted him to), but it seemed as though he didn't 'get it'. I asked him to sit down on the floor alone for a moment while I got Colin in his highchair *yes, hunger might have been a factor*. When I came to get him (roughly 1 minute), I felt bad that I gave him a 'time out', explained that pushing isn't ok. Gave hugs, and continued on. I feel like I could have handled it better, but what would YOU do.

OMG, so sorry for the novel.

In short - Colin needs space. Matt doesn't want to give that to him. Colin yells/pinches. Matt comes back later and gets him for the pinch out of the blue!

HELP me be more gentle please....

[LilyGrace]

What about giving Colin a visual way of showing his boundaries? Maybe a hulahoop, or a mat, or a baby blanket? Something easy to move around and stand on/in. Granted this won't work for everything, especially if they're playing together, but if Colin can show Matt how close he wants him to come, he might react with that instead of pushing.

[phathui5]

When my toddlers are doing that, I have to be on it. Basically, until they're back to being gentle with each other, I would keep them in the same room as me unless I had to go to the bathroom so that I could thwart hurtful behavior before it happens (or at least stop it as it's happening).

[abi&ben'smom]

My dd and her friend were both fiesty at that age. I would have to physically seperate them sometimes. I would just stay right there with them, until they are a little older and they can understand a little better. It escalates so fast! I used to take them somewhere (park, outside for a walk, even a playland if it was too cold/rainy) just to avoid the fights that I knew were coming! It will definately get better as they get older, so hang in there!

[titania8]

what i do with my boys, who are 2, is say "jonas needs some space right now. what can you do until he's ready to play? how about _____?" you might also want to start some sort of physical boundary like a rug for times when he wants/needs space.

we do a lot of "taking turns", not "sharing". a lot of things can't be shared between 2 year olds, but works pretty well with taking turns. im thinking of things like trucks, certain puzzles, books, etc. timers are GREAT for letting the little ones know when their turn is over. but you have to let them know that when the timer goes off its going to be colins turn, and then when his turn is over it will be mattie's turn again. but most of the time i require them to let the other finish his turn on his own and the other one has to wait. i ask them what they will play with/do until that time. i use timers when we get a new toy that both really want to check out. 1 or 2 mins each. that works well.

we had some pushing issues here a while back. it didn't last long, and we focused on using gentle hands, and prevention. it probably happens in response to something, so if you can figure it out, that will help. sounds like the space issue is a big factor. and not being sure that he will be able to keep playing with something until he is done. though i am fairly distracted right now, so if that sounds way off base im sorry!

colin sounds like he might be "spirited". i know these aren't your kids, but you might get a few tips out of reading "raising your spirited child".

[Hesperia]

The are my part-time kids for a few years they have raising your spirited child on the table, I should give it a futher read.

I read bits over, and it didn't seem to find true for Colin, but maybe I wasn't in the right head space, or didn't read everything. Colin also has some sensory issues that we work on, painting is too much most days, drawing just started, loud noises, bright lights...you get the idea. It isn't difficult to work through them, just takes repetition (sp?). Colin was a premie and very small for a long time (still in 12-18 month old clothing) but is so very smart, it is scary. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I think he might be one of those early readers, musicians etc.

I do like the idea of a place for him only. We talk about space all day, but Colin usually tells Mattie where to go, ha. so, I like the idea of colin having his own little place to deal with space issues, ...thinking Matt might need something similar aswell, to feel special and involved.

I think I might have to just continue to pull which ever child into my lap for kisses and hugs and quiet play till we work through this, luckly it normally only happens when we are inside (and usually before lunch and naps).

Here is my issue, hope someone can help. If Colin is having issues with space, and gets vocal and pinchy (he doesn't actuallly pinch, but gets close and really in yourface back) I hold him and calm him down. I know this is what he needs, but do you think not holding Matt could cause some issues here....I'm thinking Colin will/would continue to be vocal/pinchy because he knows he will get kisses and hugs, and Matt will feel left out and upset?

We've also been working on only pats and kisses, hugs are just TOO much for colin. "Yeah for kisses" has been a big hit...but if they continue, they are on their way to full on make-outs! gotta love two years old...

anyone else?

again, sorry for the novel. I think I often don't talk about their 'issues' since I'm only a nanny and not a mother, and feel out of place, but my job is the job of a mother....just I leave at 5! So, this is the first time I've spoken out about dealing with rough patches....we all need support....right?