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"You can't nurse her baby!"  

post #1 of 52
Thread Starter 
Not sure if this post belongs here or not. I just got back from U.S.A. Baby. My friend and I went shopping for a baby shower (another friend is having triplets!) It was my first time there and while we were shopping my eight month old started getting fussy so I figured it was time to eat. My friend said there was a feeding room in the back of the store and we could feed our babies there. The feeding room was really nice and clean and quiet. My friend, who formula feeds, had a bottle with her, but she needed to warm it up. I told her maybe a store employee could let her use a microwave (I later learned that was a no no when bottle feeding..never knew that before ) Anyway, while she was away searching for a way to warm a bottle, my little one just kept on eating and was done by the time she got back. Apparently, the store has no microwave she could use. I found this very terrible and not very friendly considering it is a baby store! By this time her three month old was screaming and kicking and I felt so bad because here my daughter was able to eat and was full and now snoozing and her little one couldn't eat. I then looked at my friend and said "Do you want me to feed her?" She replied "Do you think he would latch on?" I said we could give it a try. So......after a couple of minutes of looking at me like "Hey you are not my mommy and what is this thing you are trying to give me" look the little guy latched on and ate for a couple minutes. We were laughing as another mom walked into the room. We kept chuckling as he was eating and I teased my friend "See, if you would have breast fed, you would have never had this problem." Her son finished (I don't think he liked my milk but was desperate) and I gave him back to her. The mom finally figured out what we were doing and said "You can't nurse that baby! That is contamination and he could get sick!" HUH??? Get sick??? From what??? Like I have toxic milk or something??? She said this as she was bottle feeding her son ! I just got up and said "Too late I already did and you need to be more informed about breastfeeding. I know, I was rude but I could not help it. I told my husband about it and he thought it was weird me feeding another baby but said he was glad I helped out. I just thought that woman was so rude and misinformed about everything. Kinda made me mad.
post #2 of 52
I think it's awesome -- not only that you were willing to help out your friend and her baby, but also that your friend and her baby were willing! I don't know many FF moms who would have done the same in those circumstances. Your friend has an open mind. Bully for her!!

As for the other mom who walked in...she flagrantly displayed her own idiocy and is not worth another iota of your attention.
post #3 of 52
Bravo- and there is nothing rude about telling someone they need to be better informed!

My MIL tried to get me to pump to feed dd in public when dd was tiny- and I refused, saying that I would never find enough places to plug in a bottlewarmer
post #4 of 52
1) It's awesome you offered to feed your friend's baby!

2) It's even more awesome your friend was gung-ho on the idea!

3) It's so cool that the baby had a dose of the old breastmilk -- he probably wont get sick for months! LOL

4) Despite someone's rude comments and ignorance on breastfeeding, you just educated her that yes, people can share breastmilk. It's a puzzle to me the whole line of thought that we can't feed each other's babies, when we'll drink other species baby's milk -- and feed it to our babies. "Hey that belongs to calf #10678 at Marigold Dairies! What are you doing? That's cross-contamination!"
:

I once nearly nursed a friend's baby when our oldest LO's were babies. He had fallen down and was crying, so I picked him up (he was only about 10 months old) and proceeded to lift my shirt and undo my bra, just about had the nipple in his mouth when I realized "OH CRAP! This isn't my baby!" I just did what came instinctually, which was how I knew to sooth a crying baby. I thought it might be rude to breastfeed him without asking her, specifically because he was a bottle fed boy. It's funny, he was going for it too -- mouth open and ready to latch! SO I rocked and held him and did what I could. When she walked back in the house I told her what happened and she laughed and said "he probably would have enjoyed it! But I am glad you didn't, what if he developed only a taste for breastmilk?" And we laughed too.

I brought up this subject at my local mom's group one day. I was saying I wouldn't mind nursing someone else's child and I wouldn't mind someone nursing mine. The general consensus among the new or first time mom's is that they wouldn't mind nursing someone else's child, but they wouldn't want their LO's to receive someone else's milk. Interesting, and I see their point, and they are new at this, so their whole lives are centered around their baby. Me, I have four kids, and my life is centered around all four of them, and my husband, not just the baby. I figured if I were to say: end up in the hospital tomorrow in a coma, I would rather a lactating friend take my breastfed baby and nurse him, rather than DH having to give him formula.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your positive story with us, and good for your lactivism in public!
post #5 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tine View Post
I think it's awesome -- not only that you were willing to help out your friend and her baby, but also that your friend and her baby were willing! I don't know many FF moms who would have done the same in those circumstances. Your friend has an open mind. Bully for her!!

As for the other mom who walked in...she flagrantly displayed her own idiocy and is not worth another iota of your attention.
My thoughts exactly
post #6 of 52
That's so sad. Should you have Lysol'd your nipples?!

I couldn't nurse another mother's baby (it's an intimacy thing for me) but I do think our culture should be more open to shared breastfeeding. Think of how many newborns it would benefit.
post #7 of 52
That's so cool that your friend was so open to your help. I would love a chance to try feeding someone else's baby, just to see what it was like (never without permission of course).

As for the interloping stranger. Meh. Rude. Ignore. (Though I think what you said was perfect and not rude at all).
post #8 of 52
Just a quick tip for warming bottles in public- DS' dad used to put the botttle of ebm (when I was at work) in his armpit to warm it up to body temperature when away from home. Easier than fussing with cups of hot water when dealing with a hungry fussy baby!
post #9 of 52
I haven't nursed another's LO, but I gave my sister pumped EBM to use when her DS was born before hers came in, and my best friend has been pumping for me for a few weeks now - my supply took a hit due to the flu and it was as important to her as it is to me that I didn't have to supplement. She and I have discussed it, and we would have no issues with nursing each other's LOs. My sister also wouldn't mind me nursing her LO. I don't know that I want her nursing my LO, though.
post #10 of 52
Thread Starter 
Those posts had me thinking if I would want someone else to nurse my little girl. I guess it would depend on who the person is and if I know them or not. Obviously my friend knows I take care of my body and I am not on anything that would affect my milk or my baby. I just still can't get over how some people think though. I wonder if that woman was more educated in breast feeding, would she be nursing instead of ff?
post #11 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TattoMomK View Post
"Hey that belongs to calf #10678 at Marigold Dairies! What are you doing? That's cross-contamination!"
Ok, now THAT is funny!
post #12 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by TattoMomK View Post
1) It's awesome you offered to feed your friend's baby!

2) It's even more awesome your friend was gung-ho on the idea!

3) It's so cool that the baby had a dose of the old breastmilk -- he probably wont get sick for months! LOL

4) Despite someone's rude comments and ignorance on breastfeeding, you just educated her that yes, people can share breastmilk. It's a puzzle to me the whole line of thought that we can't feed each other's babies, when we'll drink other species baby's milk -- and feed it to our babies. "Hey that belongs to calf #10678 at Marigold Dairies! What are you doing? That's cross-contamination!"
:

Anyway, thanks for sharing your positive story with us, and good for your lactivism in public!
Co-sign on all!

It's a shame our view of breastmilk. *shakes head*
post #13 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by mytwogirls View Post
The mom finally figured out what we were doing and said "You can't nurse that baby! That is contamination and he could get sick!" HUH??? Get sick??? From what??? Like I have toxic milk or something??? She said this as she was bottle feeding her son ! I just got up and said "Too late I already did and you need to be more informed about breastfeeding. I know, I was rude but I could not help it.
Compared with accusing someone of having a horrible communicable disease, you were a model of restraint.
post #14 of 52
She should have just minded her own business.

That is so nice that you were able to feed the poor hungry babe! I'm sure he was very grateful!
post #15 of 52
What a sweet story! Sounds like an awesome mama friend to have that she was open to you feeding her little one. Don't let Debbie Downer get to you
post #16 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by mytwogirls View Post
Those posts had me thinking if I would want someone else to nurse my little girl. I guess it would depend on who the person is and if I know them or not. Obviously my friend knows I take care of my body and I am not on anything that would affect my milk or my baby. I just still can't get over how some people think though. I wonder if that woman was more educated in breast feeding, would she be nursing instead of ff?
I once nursed a friends baby. Ity felt weird because my DS was a newborn at the time. I felt I had to do it because I was babysitting and my friends DS obviously wanted me to nurse him, so I did.

My oldest DS step-mother has nursed my oldest DD,
post #17 of 52
My favorite part of this story is how your friend who ff's was so open to the idea. You sound like a great, supportive and non-judgmental friend, otherwise she would have been on the defensive and said no way. Good for you.

post #18 of 52
I agree it is great that your friend was so happy for you to help like that! And that her baby knew waht to do, I always thought if a baby had been FFed from birth they would not remember what to do with a boob.
post #19 of 52
Thread Starter 
My friend actually breast fed for less than a week, then quit because she was VERY mis-informed about cluster feeding. Her son wanted to nurse ALL THE TIME in the evenings and her ped. told her he was not getting enough so to switch to formula (this was before we were friends, otherwise I would have jumped in and said, hell no, feed the kid, it is normal) and now she regrets it I think, even though she swears it is easier (I think it is her way of dealing with it) but yeah, she was open to it, and I am glad. It was a little weird doing it at first, his way of suckling is totally different than my daughter's but he not done it in a LONG time too. I felt really great about it too, kinda made my day a little brighter knowing I could help out a hungry baby who is not mine. The funniest part of the whole thing was my daughter. She woke up while I was nursing Jake and looked at me like "Hey, he is stealing my stash! Anyway, I am glad you mamas think it was cool and not strange or gross or anything. I know my mainstream friends would have thought I was nuts so I didn't even bother to tell them
post #20 of 52
Awesome! I am sure your friend wishes she would have BFed now! That woman was so rude to say what she said to the 2 of you. It was none of her business anyway.

Way to go mamas. Now to get wet nursing to go back to the norm in this country.....

Take care!
Jen
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Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Lactivism › "You can't nurse her baby!"