Why can't he just walk beside me and hold my hand?

[gabysmom617]

Whenever my 2.5 year old and I go somwhere, and I can't hold him, and try to hold his hand, we go through drama that drives me insane. It's a pet peeve of mine, and it's a button he's constantly pushing...

He walks beside me, and he can never just "walk beside me". He starts doing this ridiculous little hop, like he's trying to walk like he just learned to walk (almost making me fall). Sometimes he drags his feet, and then falls, (on purpose, he does it a lot to be funny...) and consequently makes me fall as well. Sometimes he turns around and walks backwards. Literally walks backwards, falls, and I'm paying attention to trying to get across the street safely with him, not realizing he's turned backwards, and I fall too. He never does it when I'm watching him walk, only really quick when I turn my head to pay attention to something else briefly, like getting across the parking lot, or picking up out an item, etc....

He makes me trip and fall A LOT, and it's driving me and my hormonal self BONKERS.

Sometimes my hands are full or my lower back is extremely sore, and I can't hold him, because this would be my 100% time remedy for the situation if I could. I put him in a cart whenever I possibly can, but sometimes, in some stores, carts aren't available, and I do have to make it inside of the store in order to get a cart, as well...

If I let him go (in the store, parking lot, etc) then he'd go wild...he runs away from me as soon as I let him go...which is why I'm so anal repulsive about holding his hand. I don't want him pancaked by a car or lost in the store, etc.

I have a feeling that there is a simple solution to this problem, but I can't seem to grasp what it might be...

....I do have a harness for him, but I have hesitated using it because I can see him "thinking" he is free (he just thinks it's a neat monkey back pack), running away swiftly, not realizing he's attached to me, and ending up doing a nosedive into the pavement...I cringe every time I think of that scenario......I KNOW my child, and that's EXACTLY what he would do...

....I dunno exactly how to fix it...

[BellinghamCrunchie]

At 2.5 DD wasn't able to hold my hand and walk next to me, without trying out all kinds of different ways to move her body, test my body, and explore. Toddlers don't walk in a straight line, and that's a really good thing for them. Its kind of sad that we walk in straight lines as adults.

With DD, the key to getting from the car to the grocery store was to look ahead and find something interesting to run to, then hop like bunnies to the next interesting thing, then see if you can walk on the edge of the curb without falling, then being lifted up to try out each wind chime on the wind chime display just outside the front of the store, then finally swoop up into the cart. All the while holding hands.

I've found parenting to be kind of physically exhausting, especially when they are toddlers. DD is 3 now and will walk alongside me but we still have to stop and look at/touch interesting things along the way. But at least she moves consistently in the right direction.

[cyndimo]

As evil as I sounds, it's great to hear that someone else has "my" toddler!
My son is basically the same way. But, I don't allow/expect him to walk around as much as it sounds like you do. I require holding hands in a parking lot or crossing a street. About once a month or so, I'll let him try to push the shopping cart - as soon as he runs away or grabs at something he shouldn't have, then it's back in the cart and we don't try that again for a while. He's definitely getting better, the first time I tried it, he only lasted 1 min or so, earlier this week he made it about 15 min. (Maybe we just didn't go down interesting enough aisles this time around though?)
In general, all shopping gets done in the shopping cart.
When DS walks backwards, fortunately, he makes a beeping sound like a truck or Prius.
DS also does well pushing the stroller. It does require constant vigilance and when I need to steer, he gets sort of pissed off. When we cross streets, I put my hands over his as a form of "holding hands" - he's not happy about it, but we are able to get through is more or less a straight line. As with the shopping carts, if he runs, he rides. He is more able to push the stroller than the cart, so this is less of a problem.
Maybe you should do some test runs with the moneky backpack someplace safe, like the grass in a park? Give him an idea of the limitations in a safe place? DS has a teddy bear backpack and he might have done the face plant thing at first (I don't remember, but it does sound like him), but certainly doesn't do it now. He does sometimes strain at it, putting his whole body weight forward, but it holds and he eventually tries something else. The one thing you might find is that he can get himself (and you) quite tangled up!
Good luck! You are not alone!
- Cyndi

[Ruthla]

Why can't he just walk beside you and hold your hand? Because he's 2.5!!!

When my kids were that age I generally had my stroller with me when we went places. Or I'd carry the child from the car and deposit him or her directly into the shopping cart. I only used the harness in places like the mall where I didn't want them to run off, but going a little bit away from me was acceptable. In a parking lot, that was never an option- either I carry the child, wear the child in a sling, or make him or her ride in the stroller.

Once they showed responsibility in walking next to me (while I had the sling and/or stroller available at the first sign of running off) we were able to wean off those devices and just walk next to me.

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

At 2.5 DD wasn't able to hold my hand and walk next to me, without trying out all kinds of different ways to move her body, test my body, and explore. Toddlers don't walk in a straight line, and that's a really good thing for them. Its kind of sad that we walk in straight lines as adults.

If it were as simple as not walking in a straight line, it would be easy. If it was as simple as him jumping, that would be no problem, either. I actually wish it were as simple as him dragging me to stuff he wants to look at. I actually encourage him to jump, he jumps to get over curbs, or lines in the pavement, etc...that part is easy. What I don't understand is why, as soon as I drop my gaze to something else for a split second, he starts dragging his feet, going WOOOOOAH! and falling... You know, as I think of it, dragging his feet wouldn't be a major thing (except for the minor annoyance of his shoes getting scratched, but I don't bother to get worried about that..) it's just that I have actually fallen a few times because he jerks suddenly, before I have a chance to react, and I fall with him. I try to tell him that I don't like when he falls, it makes me fall, and it makes me angry and makes me hurt myself...he thinks it's all a big joke.

With DD, the key to getting from the car to the grocery store was to look ahead and find something interesting to run to, then hop like bunnies to the next interesting thing, then see if you can walk on the edge of the curb without falling, then being lifted up to try out each wind chime on the wind chime display just outside the front of the store, then finally swoop up into the cart. All the while holding hands.

I find my toddler increasingly resistant to distractions and constantly engaging in power struggles. He tends to be extremely oppositional. I tell him to "Wow, look at that!! Let's go get that!" and he doesn't want to do it simply because I suggested it. If he's in a REALLY good mood, he'll go for it, then eventually I try to distract him to the next point of interest (to at least make some type of progress towards actually getting to my grocery shopping, etc...) and he kicks up a fuss for taking him away from the interesting thing he is looking at.

I've found parenting to be kind of physically exhausting, especially when they are toddlers. DD is 3 now and will walk alongside me but we still have to stop and look at/touch interesting things along the way. But at least she moves consistently in the right direction.

Hmmm..I hope things improve once he turns 3ish as well.

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Why can't he just walk beside you and hold your hand? Because he's 2.5!!!

When my kids were that age I generally had my stroller with me when we went places. Or I'd carry the child from the car and deposit him or her directly into the shopping cart. I only used the harness in places like the mall where I didn't want them to run off, but going a little bit away from me was acceptable. In a parking lot, that was never an option- either I carry the child, wear the child in a sling, or make him or her ride in the stroller.

Once they showed responsibility in walking next to me (while I had the sling and/or stroller available at the first sign of running off) we were able to wean off those devices and just walk next to me.

Hmm....then stroller it is. As a matter of fact, I was seriously considering picking up a small umbrella stroller the other day, and I ended up not doing it.

I don't know why I never even thought about it. I told you, the solution was on the tip of my brain and I just couldn't "get" it. I swear, for me, motherhood (especially pregnancy) swipes some of my marbles.

I have seen LOTS of 2.5 year olds that are able to walk beside their parents (even without hand holding), but I've also noticed that the trend around here is to beat the child into submission. I didn't think it was not an age-appropriate expection, but of course, it also depends on the child as well, so apparently my child just isn't ready for it...

ETA:
I am unfamiliar with gentle discipline, I only know one other person in the whole town that practices gd as well (as well as some other strange practices, bless her heart, she tries...) so sometimes I see children my child's age doing what is considered around here to be "normal" age-appropriate behavior. Sometimes my sense of what should be considered "normal" behavior is skewed by the practices around here, so I come here because I parent so differently, and I need to guage what is "normal" for a 2.5 year old vs what is "normal" for a 2.5 year old that has been spanked and spanked and spanked into submission.

So slapping the obvious on my forehead, "He's 2.5!!!" can sometimes feel condescending because you all already know what is age-normal, and I'm still learning. Please don't treat me like I'm stupid. Thank you for the advice, though.

[One_Girl]

My daughter is five and she still hops and walks backwards mostly, but she does it without tripping me and she will walk if I tell her ahead of time that I need her to just walk. When she does walk in front of me I usually tell her not to do that in a very serious voice and if she is getting to wild I tell her she needs to just walk or be carried.

For me it took changing how I view walking together. I don't feel the need to have her just walk because there are not a lot of safety hazards around that make walking necessary and I don't mind watching for her when she wants to walk backwards unless I have to carry something. If there are a lot of safety hazards then you may have to remind him to just walk a lot, but if there is really no need to walk nicely other than the fact that everyone else is doing it I think you might have more fun with him if you let him be himself and don't worry about what everyone else's child is doing.

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

My daughter is five and she still hops and walks backwards mostly, but she does it without tripping me and she will walk if I tell her ahead of time that I need her to just walk. When she does walk in front of me I usually tell her not to do that in a very serious voice and if she is getting to wild I tell her she needs to just walk or be carried.

For me it took changing how I view walking together. I don't feel the need to have her just walk because there are not a lot of safety hazards around that make walking necessary and I don't mind watching for her when she wants to walk backwards unless I have to carry something. If there are a lot of safety hazards then you may have to remind him to just walk a lot, but if there is really no need to walk nicely other than the fact that everyone else is doing it I think you might have more fun with him if you let him be himself and don't worry about what everyone else's child is doing.

Yeah, I'm not so much concerned with other children as much as I'm concerned with the number of times he's made me fall and hurt my back. Like I said, I just didn't realize expecting a child to walk beside me and hold my hand was not age appropriate for a 2.5 year old. Now I realize it is. And I'll just get him a stroller, he likes to ride, and I don't have to worry about falling.

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by gabysmom617

....I do have a harness for him, but I have hesitated using it because I can see him "thinking" he is free (he just thinks it's a neat monkey back pack), running away swiftly, not realizing he's attached to me, and ending up doing a nosedive into the pavement...I cringe every time I think of that scenario......I KNOW my child, and that's EXACTLY what he would do...

Practice walking around with it on him in some nice soft grass first?
Worth a shot if you'd rather use the harness than a stroller.

[savithny]

I just gotta echo the others... he's 2.5, AND its his thing.

My DS was just like that from about 2.75 -3.5 ... right around the time I was 3rd trimester with #2. Wouldn't hold my hand. Not in a parking lot, not in a store. Didn't want to walk. Didn't want to be carried. Wanted to crawl on hot asphalt, or run away, or go in the wrong direction. Pitched huge fits about it all...

For us, the answer was a harness. An old-school, buckled-in-the-back leather harness (and later, mom found the one she got for me in England in 1970, which was beautifully constructed and still in great shape).

For my DS, the very fact that his arms were free to do what he wanted with them was very effective. And maybe the encompassing feel of the harness at his chest reminded him of safety, or that there was some "restraint" on him. Whatever it was, it was like a combination of freedom he wanted and the restraint that kept him safe in unsafe places and it worked out well for us.