please help me help my 5-year-old

[channelofpeace]

I am sad and don't know exactly where to start.

Preface: I have a recently turned 5-year-old, a 3 1/2-year-old and a 1 1/2 year-old. My dd is sweet, loves one-on-one time with me and her Dad, good with her little brothers ftmp, really strong-willed and has strong opinions about things.

Issue: Recently, when i make what i feel are reasonable requests (i.e. go change out of your jammies into day clothes, stay in bed at bedtime, rest and play quietly at rest time, since i hold her baby brother while he naps) she completely disregards what i ask. She is capable of these things... she has done them with no problem in the past with consistency. But all of a sudden, the things she desires to do (turn on the bathroom faucet and get water all over her bedroom floor, get up and bang around at rest time) take precedence over what i ask. I am not some crazy, unreasonable dictator but in order for life to run smoothly with three small children, i require some compliance. I get that she is 5 and will not always do what i ask 100% of the time. I am just asking for over 50% of the time. But she disregards my requests most of the time now, and i just can't handle it.

And i am just at a loss. When she does these things that she is not supposed to do and i confront her about it, she just replies with smugness, no matter how gently i approach it. It makes me sad, i feel like there is conflict so often, i don't get to enjoy her great personality, because she is always taking me to the mat about something.

* sigh * What is a Mama to do? I love her so much and i feel so awful about this

[Max'sMama]

I have no advice but couldn't read and not respond. I hope others have suggestions that could help you.

[usandthegirls]

You said: "It makes me sad, i feel like there is conflict so often, i don't get to enjoy her great personality, because she is always taking me to the mat about something."

Tell her that. Sounds like she's a strong willed girl. I know how you are feeling...I have an almost six year old that does very similar things and gives new meaning to the phrase "strong willed". I have no solution, but I have found that telling her how her actions affect me (or her sisters or whoever) helps her understand. And makes her realize that her actions actually affect others...It's a learning process.

[laoxinat]

It sounds like she needs some connection. Are you able to do a mama and girl day or evening say, once a week? This was huge when my DC were little. DS was very high needs and felt very displaced by his very adorable lil sis. I know it sounds a little counter intuitive to attend to a kiddo when they are acting out, but the truth is, these behaviors don't get better from being ignored, KWIM? Younger kiddos just don't always have the emotional wherewithal to ask politely for what they want. Often they have a hard time articulating their wants and needs, so we have to be detectives This is a challenge with multiple kiddos! But I think you'll find that after a little while of consistent one on one she can really count on, the behaviors will ease up. HTHs!! mama!

[channelofpeace]

Originally Posted by usandthegirls

You said: "It makes me sad, i feel like there is conflict so often, i don't get to enjoy her great personality, because she is always taking me to the mat about something."

Tell her that. Sounds like she's a strong willed girl. I know how you are feeling...I have an almost six year old that does very similar things and gives new meaning to the phrase "strong willed". I have no solution, but I have found that telling her how her actions affect me (or her sisters or whoever) helps her understand. And makes her realize that her actions actually affect others...It's a learning process.

This is the odd part. We have used this technique in the past... telling her how it makes us feel when she does this/hits/lies. And it worked. But lately it doesn't seem to have much of an effect on her. This is more discouraging than her actual behavior actually.

Originally Posted by laoxinat

It sounds like she needs some connection. Are you able to do a mama and girl day or evening say, once a week? This was huge when my DC were little. DS was very high needs and felt very displaced by his very adorable lil sis. I know it sounds a little counter intuitive to attend to a kiddo when they are acting out, but the truth is, these behaviors don't get better from being ignored, KWIM? Younger kiddos just don't always have the emotional wherewithal to ask politely for what they want. Often they have a hard time articulating their wants and needs, so we have to be detectives This is a challenge with multiple kiddos! But I think you'll find that after a little while of consistent one on one she can really count on, the behaviors will ease up. HTHs!! mama!

I have tried to implement a night where her and i hang out once a week, but sometimes i forgot or it gets moved. I am trying to block out more one-on-one time during the day with her. I am hoping this helps.