$50,000

[Cherie2]

I am not sure where to put this but it does pertain to my dd who is 19 so I guess here is as good a place as any. Her partner (father of her baby) has just received news that he will inherit $50,000. on April 2nd. While this sounds like good news I am nervous. He and his sister will both receive this amount (he is 21 she is 22). Neither of them has ever had any money at all. They grew up in very low income lifestyles and spent time homeless. They moved in with me along with their mom and lived with us for 3 years. A year ago everybody moved out (except for dd's partner).

I am so excited for them but at the same time fear the money will bring self destructive behaviors that will effect all of us. They are all prone to drinking in excess, have never had money so have never learned how to handle it properly, and are very young. I don't know what I am asking but for maybe anybody that has experience with a situation anything like this or just some sage advice on how to support these kids and not let myself or my dd or my grandson be hurt?

[fek&fuzz]

Could you talk him into giving you $40,000 of it, to put into an account for his benefit (and the benefit of his child) where you would be the trustee? Does he know himself enough to know that he would just blow it all if it's not managed? Could you show him how it would grow if it is saved and invested?

He should also draft a Will to make sure the money goes where he wants it if he should pass away.

[UnschoolnMa]

I'd just share your thoughts and concerns with both your Dd and her partner in a non confrontational way.

I'd absolutely not ask him to turn over any of the money to you. He's a grown man and doesn't need a financial trustee IMO.

Tell them congratulations, ask them if have given any thought to how they will be spending or saving the money, and share any ideas you think might be helpful for them such as a savings, college money for them or their child, etc.

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

I'd just share your thoughts and concerns with both your Dd and her partner in a non confrontational way.

I'd absolutely not ask him to turn over any of the money to you. He's a grown man and doesn't need a financial trustee IMO.

Tell them congratulations, ask them if have given any thought to how they will be spending or saving the money, and share any ideas you think might be helpful for them such as a savings, college money for them or their child, etc.

Yes, that. You can't in any way be after his money. But you can chat about it, ask what kinds of plans there are. $50k isn't that much to run through, he may want to buy a car. Unless he is into drugs, I would not worry about your family getting hurt. The worst thing that could happen is he blows it all, that's not so bad, or worse, he could take on huge debt. If you see them planning to take on more than they can handle, then offer gentle caution. But I wouldn't worry too much, honestly. I may suggest him putting some in savings, but know that 19 year olds are not big future planners. It's his decision to do whatever with the money, so don't be judgmental, let him live.

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz

He should also draft a Will to make sure the money goes where he wants it if he should pass away.

I think the odds of him outliving his money are very good, unless he is a very, very risky person. I don't think the $50k will last that long.

He may want to consider a life insurance policy with his daughter as the beneficiary.

To the OP, I'd stay out of it as much as possible.

If I were to give advice, and if they asked what to do with it, I'd suggest them saving it for a great down payment on a house. And also to save it for emergencies, like car repairs, etc. etc. Or maybe he wants to go to school.

But I'd only suggest those things if they bring it up.

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

I'd just share your thoughts and concerns with both your Dd and her partner in a non confrontational way.

I'd absolutely not ask him to turn over any of the money to you. He's a grown man and doesn't need a financial trustee IMO.

Tell them congratulations, ask them if have given any thought to how they will be spending or saving the money, and share any ideas you think might be helpful for them such as a savings, college money for them or their child, etc.

This is pretty much what I have done so far. I would love to see him invest in himself. He has been pretty aimless up until now, and I would love to see him start a business for himself ... something he would love and would make him happy.

What scares me the most is the drinking.

Also their relationship has been on pretty shaky ground and I fear the turbulence this may cause.

I know there is really nothing I can do about either of these things... I guess its just hard to sit back and watch.

[fek&fuzz]

Along these same lines, do you have a Will? Does that will direct that any money for your daughter will be held in a Trust for her benefit until she reaches a certain age?

Any of us could die tomorrow. Add in a 21 year old with a drinking problem and $50,000 and the odds go up considerably. If he's responsible enough to handle the money on his own, he should take the responsibility to make arrangements for his child and partner if he should pass away.

My brother was in a car accident when he was a teenager. He chose to get a structured settlement because he knew himself, even at that age. He blew the first $10,000 on an old mustang. Took another $20,000 later and went to Japan. With the next one he took the summer off and biked around the country. And when his last one comes he'll be making a down payment on a condo.

Your daughter's partner might be relieved to have someone help him out. You don't need to harp on it, but you could mention it and offer your support. And raise his rent.

[boobybunny]

Cheri

Take him down to Selco, Pac Cascade or U lane O (still have to call it that) and have him sit down with a financial planner.

They will sit down with him, and give him the real money lessons that he will need.

50K will go pretty far interms of a down payment on a forever home, education up at Lane, or into an investment account..(thinking outside the US investments at this point) It will not last him for long if he goes out and buys a new car or truck.

My mom was an investment advisor with Pac Cascade for years.. until she "retired" to be a SAHM for my "little" brother. Also, if there are credit issues.. Pac Cascade will work with him to get him into whatever accounts he needs. BUT we have recently pulled ALL of our accounts from Pac Cascade because of new policies that made them more like a bank.

How is the rest of the family doing? We need to meet for lunch sometime...OR Are you going to the old fed courthouse tonight?

Good luck.
Amy

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by boobybunny

Cheri

Take him down to Selco, Pac Cascade or U lane O (still have to call it that) and have him sit down with a financial planner.

I just don't think you can "take" a 21 year old, especially one that's not your child, anywhere. You can make suggestions and offer to schedule it and go with if they are interested.

[Ruthla]

I would congratulate him on the money, and ask if he wants any help with managing it. Let them know that you're available to help with financial planning if they're interested, and in general inform him that there is such thing as "financial planning" and that the money could take him really far if he's careful with it- or it could be blown in a few months' worth of partying.

Then let it go. He's an adult and it's his money.

[loobop]

I agree with this; "show him how it would grow if it is saved and invested". He might get excited about turning 50k into much more. Has he expressed any desires for carees? Maybe he could use the money to market an invention, or start a business. I just keep thinking about getting him excited about something long term, profitable, engaging etc. Good luck!

[Cherie2]

Some good advice here, thank you. It is not my style to impose anything on these kids, I will try to offer any assistance they would like to receive. His sister has always been much more receptive to me than he is, but he also tends to respect her actions so he may follow her lead.

I think a financial advisor is an excellent idea, I will throw that out to them.

I know I just need to get over my own fears... not so much that he will spend all his money (which I would love to see not happen) but more that he will drink himself down an ugly spiral.. maybe I just watch too much TV lol

It also bugs me that I am all caught up in this negative thinking.

Amy - I think it would be wonderful to have lunch with you... I don't think I will be going tonight - but thinking about going to Mac Arthur on Friday - I will send you a PM

[boobybunny]

Friday we will be there. Very excited to be there.

[Arduinna]

I'd just take a listening position. Are they making big plans for a blow out party or big vacation to blow the wad or are they talking about what the best investment for the money is?

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

I'd just take a listening position. Are they making big plans for a blow out party or big vacation to blow the wad or are they talking about what the best investment for the money is?

Nobody has talked to me about any plans. The weird thing is his sister got this letter a few days ago and neither my dd or her partner told me about it. I saw his sis last night and she was like "nobody told you?". So they apparently are really not comfortable talking to me about it.

I just realized one of the reasons I am so scared. I just remembered about a family friend who got an inheritance about the same age, he dove head first into drugs and partying and a year later was broke and depressed. He has not recovered to this day. It breaks my heart. I know they are totally different people. Maybe this realization will help me let go of some of the anxiety ..

[Arduinna]

Good for you trying to work out your feelings on this.

[travelinmom]

My dh was in a car accident when he was 19, he got about that much in settlement. He blew a bunch on a new car, boy toys, ect but he did put about half of it as a downpayment on a house. I'm sure they will be fine. Also having a child forces you to be more grownup that you would normally be I think, it's hard though as a parent to look at a child and see how far they have grown when you can look back at how they used to be so easily.

[txdancer]

Is this a one time payout, or is it just the first time he has access to a trust fund? I ask because I know a lot of people only have access to a portion of the trust fund this early, so he may be getting more later.

When I was 18, I got access to a little of my trust fund, about half the amount were talking about here, and although I blew some of it on big travel and some shopping, I also saved a lot of it.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

I'd just share your thoughts and concerns with both your Dd and her partner in a non confrontational way.

I'd absolutely not ask him to turn over any of the money to you. He's a grown man and doesn't need a financial trustee IMO.

I agree. It's really out of your hands. You can only hope for the best. He is an adult and can make his own decisions and even if they are the wrong decisions he will have to learn from them. Hopefully you can at least mention putting some in the bank or investing some of the money but ultimately it will be up to him to make that decision in the end.

[MPsSweetie]

Does he still live with you?