My daughter (27 months) and I spend a lot of time with another Mama and her 8 month old. Both girls are healthy and happy and they have a very close relationship. However in the last few months my daughter has become very possessive of me, her toys and anything else she feels is hers, like the chair she's sitting on or the cat. As our friend's daughter is crawling and pulling up on furniture she has much more access to my daughter's toys while they are visiting. We've gathered together a bag of "baby toys" that my daughter and I agreed would be okay for the baby to play with when she visits. I want to respect my child's right to possessiveness, but also foster an understanding that we must somehow accommodate and entertain our guests. This worked for awhile but my daughter has now started to push the baby off furniture she's using for support, and much more aggressively grab away toys that she had already decided the baby could play with. This behavior comes up with other kids closer to her age as well, and we've had to cancel the biweekly playdates we host because they're no longer fun for anyone. She's very generous with adults and older kids, however.
I realised that my anguish over this situation is due to my deep empathy for the child being bullied. Every few days my daughter has a bad spell and can be aggressive and mean to me. It wears me out. So when I see her doing something similar to a little one I want to save her from my child's behavior.
We are attempting gentle disciple, as are most of the families we spend time with. I generally am very patient with her. But I am very unaccepting of this one behavior. How do I deal with the situation without hiding my disapproval (being un-authentic) and also not judging her, and escalating it?
What is normal behavior for a two year old? She's very verbal and logical and otherwise we can just talk through whatever she feels. She understands compromising and communicating a way to a mutually beneficial solution. But this is so... illogical to me. She cant explain it, either, which is rare for her. I think she's just as upset by her actions and response as I am. I know my frustration with her in those moments doesn't help. I think it's even more hard to deal with because it's unexpected, and because other problems are so easily dealt with. It's like she "reverts" for a few minutes.
I dont want to accommodate, judge, or distract because I dont think it would help. Should I just wait until she grows out of it? Should I protect the baby and just let her sort out her own anger and jealousy?
We're fine whenever we're outside, or in a public space with no defined "toys". When her father or other families members are around she's much less possessive of me.
I realised that my anguish over this situation is due to my deep empathy for the child being bullied. Every few days my daughter has a bad spell and can be aggressive and mean to me. It wears me out. So when I see her doing something similar to a little one I want to save her from my child's behavior.
We are attempting gentle disciple, as are most of the families we spend time with. I generally am very patient with her. But I am very unaccepting of this one behavior. How do I deal with the situation without hiding my disapproval (being un-authentic) and also not judging her, and escalating it?
What is normal behavior for a two year old? She's very verbal and logical and otherwise we can just talk through whatever she feels. She understands compromising and communicating a way to a mutually beneficial solution. But this is so... illogical to me. She cant explain it, either, which is rare for her. I think she's just as upset by her actions and response as I am. I know my frustration with her in those moments doesn't help. I think it's even more hard to deal with because it's unexpected, and because other problems are so easily dealt with. It's like she "reverts" for a few minutes.
I dont want to accommodate, judge, or distract because I dont think it would help. Should I just wait until she grows out of it? Should I protect the baby and just let her sort out her own anger and jealousy?
We're fine whenever we're outside, or in a public space with no defined "toys". When her father or other families members are around she's much less possessive of me.
