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I am a new mama today. - Page 11

post #201 of 270
thanks for your post surumita!
post #202 of 270
I haven't readall the posts but really want to sub and lend my two cents.
I now have auditory hypersensory issues (medical related) so I do not - cannot yell - unless someone is in imminent danger but becuase of the aud-hyp issues when yelling ensus - even whrn my beloved and li'l ones get exciting playing a game I HAVE to leave the room. So I don't yell.
And on more thna one occasion have stoped the car whan thwir yellign got too far past my comfort level - noit as punbishement but beucase I had to.
But when I get really angry and frustrated I end up hitting the counter, wall or stomping which is NOT good moddling but stops me attempting roughly pull or grab them. Awful I know.
My beloved, to stop himself yelling will go a lift weights (mini gym setup in a back shed) or water the flowers - odd combination I know.
I like what another poster said about raindrops and hailstones but one thing I will not stress about is clothes - especially with teens. They can wear whatever they like as long as its clean and they do actually wear Something.
post #203 of 270
subbing b/c I am working so hard to do better...no yelling, no guilit, no threats....so much easier to plan than do when ds attacks dd for the 5th time and baby is screaming....ahh...today he said "mom, stop the angryness" when I raised my voice at him and ds after they threw all their food and refused to help clean up feel SO bad. lack of sleep and high stress are a reality right now, I need strength to do better and give more...back to read the posts now....
post #204 of 270
Still here too. Ups and downs. :
post #205 of 270
what a great thread! i'm so glad i actually read it now!!!! i can totally relate. i HATE when i yell!!! i just HATE it!!! it infuriates me, and i get so mad at myself!!! but it seems when i yell it is the only time my kids know "oh wow, mom means it". i'm easy going and a bit of a self-confessed push-over ..... i feel like too often i'm like...."okay guys i mean it ...for real now...then they don't listen & it will eventually escalate to me yelling, "LISTEN TO ME". then i go into self-loathing mode for yelling (AGAIN!). my kids rock!! i adore them. we are together 24/7 though literally and my dh works.all.of.the.time. i'm glad i can come here and get inspired and use ideas to regroup. i have some great tips saved on my desktop by lilygrace....i need to print those out again as a refresher course!!

anyway - GREAT thread!!!!
post #206 of 270

thank you

Thank you so much. I have been really stuggling to not yell lately- this didn't used to ever be an issue. I know that I am under more stress lately and feel horribly guilty. I love the idea of a check in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by becoming View Post
No more yelling.
No more threatening.
No more guilting.

And this is my thread for accountability.

If anyone wants to join me, please do so!
post #207 of 270
just wanted to offer you a hug. Sounds like a rough day. I have had many like that, where it just starts out wrong and stays that way all day! Good for you for taking a break, even if it means tv for a few minutes, a sane mommy is more important.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cujobunny View Post
Having kind of a bad day today. I woke up about 2 hours earlier than usual this morning to DH angry and telling ds to go back into his bed. Ds had gotten up at 5am so dh took him pee then went with him to sleep in his bed. DH got up at 630 to go to work and apparently ds spit in his face. Good morning. So then ds came into bed with me and I asked him why he did that, he said he was upset that daddy keeps leaving him

We've not had a great day since then. I tried to take us outside to play but it's actually quite cold and damp out and we all wanted to come right back in. Dd is fighting her naps and getting overtired, I'm tired and cranky and ds talks.non.stop. He wants my help with something, then yells at me, snatches it away, interrupts what I'm trying to say... It's all wearing me out. I had dd nursed to sleep in the rocking chair in my room, and ds came in and started talking and it woke her right up, she was excited to see him and would not go back to sleep. I put dd on the floor with some toys and tried to go into the washroom to pee by myself and ds came to the door and started crying because he "wanted to see what I was doing". Argh.

So I got down on his level and explained that we were all tired and cranky. I needed a few minutes of quiet time because my brain was feeling scrambled and what did he want to do for a few minutes by himself so mommy could have some quiet time. Of course he picked watch tv but I really don't care.

So now they're both upstairs watching Curious George and I put a coffee on for myself and came here to check in. Yes my 10mo is watching tv. Just get through today. Tomorrow will be better.


ETA writing that and rereading it just made me feel so much better already. Once the caffeine kicks in I should be ok, especially if it warms up this afternoon, I'll stick dd in the mei tai and we'll head out.
post #208 of 270
ugh. dd woke me more than an hour eaarlier than usual. my worst days are always when i did not get enough sleep. even if i make a mental note "be extra gentle" yikes. my biology takes over or something.

we had the history repeating itself moment, where i was my mom and dd was me: "don't use that voice with me!" "but Mom!" "what did i just say?" "MOM!!!"

awful. if she uses an angry voice i feel like she must have got it from me. i start the self-flagellation (no, of course not literally)

so it's just goos to know i'm not alone. trying. not doing so hot. trying again.
post #209 of 270
i am in the middle of a bad night and posting so that I don't scream or slam doors...ok...back to try agian.
post #210 of 270
Do you ever read Catherine Newman?

This is from her latest post: (bolding mine)
Quote:
"Mama, watch!" Birdy has wedged herself now between me and my sewing, cuddling close and looking up into my face with her round brown calf's eyes, and I feel my heart beat more quietly; I feel the shawl of motherly patience drop lightly around my shoulders again.
Isn't that beautiful?

the whole article is found here:
http://wondertime.go.com/parent-to-p.../06022008.html
post #211 of 270
Thread Starter 
I am having a really bad time lately, mamas.

I'm starting to think I need to talk to my doctor about getting some anti-anxiety meds or something. Think I'm going to head over to Health & Healing and try to find some alternatives before going that route.

:
post #212 of 270
becoming
post #213 of 270
Thread Starter 
hipumpkins, we ARE going to write back to your daughter. I am so sorry we have put that off for so long. We were looking for postcards, but there are none to be found anywhere in our town. I'm getting DS to write the letter in the morning, and we'll mail it on Monday.

Thanks for the hug.
post #214 of 270
Id like to join too.... i keep meaning to turn a new page and become a better mama and those 3 u mentioned i have trouble with....
post #215 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by becoming View Post
hipumpkins, we ARE going to write back to your daughter. I am so sorry we have put that off for so long. We were looking for postcards, but there are none to be found anywhere in our town. I'm getting DS to write the letter in the morning, and we'll mail it on Monday.

Thanks for the hug.
Take your time...they have years to be pen pals.
post #216 of 270
I'm in too. I go to bed every night telling myself that tomorrow I'll do better and then it turns out to be like any other day. I too feel like I've been battling this for years to no avail. OK, I'm better then I was but still need lots of improvement!
post #217 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by becoming View Post
I am having a really bad time lately, mamas.

I'm starting to think I need to talk to my doctor about getting some anti-anxiety meds or something. Think I'm going to head over to Health & Healing and try to find some alternatives before going that route.

:
i take "bach rescue remedy" which is a homeopathic thing to help with stress. it works good for me. hth.
post #218 of 270
Subbing and joining in! I have to admit that I yell, and shame, and pinch, and push, and slam things. I imagine myself as this peaceful, attachment Momma....and then there's the reality. It's so frustrating because I know I can do it, I just can't seem to keep it up. They know just what buttons to push and I go over the edge again.
I am working on my CBE certification and considering midwifery so I have a PILE of books that I need to be studying but maybe someone can suggest a good GD book that I can start with....if you could reccomend just ONE GD book, what would it be?
I'll probably be back a lot as I try to change and be patient with myself all at the same time. And thank you for everyone's honesty here!~! I've already experienced a change in myself by just reading this thread and rethinking my attitudes with my kids.
post #219 of 270
"Raising our children raising ourselves"
Because it goes beyond what to do. It goes beyond what not to do...it shows you how to deal with that self talk and shows you how to question everything you believe your children *should* be doing.

I believe in the other books, like Alfie Kohn but it is too much theory as someone else once said and not enough details of how to get it done.

This one addresses the underlying of why YOU feel one way and how to change from the inside.

It is really working for me.
post #220 of 270
Subbing. I need to go back and read all of this thread. I've been having a really rough time with my 5 year old lately. Yelling is my main issue, but I guess that includes anger (and guiliting and threatening happen, too). I used to be such a calm and mellow person and now I don't even recognize myself sometimes. I read all of these parenting books and have great ideas in my head of how to handle things, but when certain situations arise it is all out the window and I am infuriated. I hate that about myself and really want to work to change it.

I notice a lot of talk of 3 year olds and my almost 3 year old has always been more of a challenge than my 5 year old, but in the midst of all of the things my almost 3 year old does, it's my 5 year old that really pushes my buttons.
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