Is lying "natural" for a 3 year old?

[lachingona1]

Do kids (specifically 3 year olds) have to be taught or exposed to lying in order to lie or is it a "natural" response? My DH thinks that lying is natural for kids, almost like an instinct. I don't think it is natural at all. My 3 1/2 year old has never lied before until her cousin lied about breaking her toys right in front of her and then blamed it on her. Now sometimes when we ask her if she did something she automatically says no and when we keep asking her she'll say yes and how sorry she is.

We've always had really strong communication, she tells us everything she does.
So I'm wondering why she is doing this now.

Sorry if this post doesn't make much sense. :yawning:

[transylvania_mom]

I wouldn't call it lying, but wishful thinking or sometimes miscommunication. My ds is staying with my parents for a couple of weeks; when he was at home, he used to go to preschool and I would ask him each time: how was your day? His answer was invariable: I went to preschool, I played. But since he stays with his grandparents (we talk every day) I once asked him: how was your day? He answered: I went to preschool. Maybe it's an automatic answer, or maybe he wishes he went to preschool, but it's definitely not lying, imo.
Also, in your case, maybe your dd is afraid she might upset you, so she tries to avoid that. I would focus on finding a solution and avoiding to blame her for something, especially if you know she did it. Maybe other people have more suggestions.

[mamazee]

It is natural. And I agree with the PP - it's more of a wish than a real lie.

If you know she did something, the best thing is to not ask her if she did it. Just say, "I see this happened. What are we going to do about it."

[4evermom]

Natural and developmental. Wishful thinking, fantastical storytelling, pretend. They learn at a certain age that they experience things you don't. Frequently they say what they want to be true. The other day, a 4 yo told us he did something on purpose because he didn't want to admit he slipped accidentally. It had nothing to do with getting in trouble. He would rather people believe he purposefully did something damaging than he failed at a physical feat. And I remember my ds doing the same thing.

I honestly don't think my ds was exposed to lying before he started experimenting with it. He didn't watch tv before he was 3 and he almost never played with other kids.

He didn't get good at it until he was 5. That's when he could tell me stories with a straight face.

[Shami]

It is normal and expected for little ones to lie or exagerate beginning at that age. We all have a conscience that tells us right from wrong, and rather than disappointing mom or 'getting in trouble', kids will lie. It's right around this age that their conscience is activated. This is the psycological view. If you believe that sin dwells in every human being (which I believe) then it is inevitable that they will lie eventually whether they see this behavior or not. Think about our own behavior: we, desiring to be 'good' people, will lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings. We exaggerate stories and insert words that amplify our perspective and downplay the other person's side of the story. Exaggeration is a form a lying, and nearly everyone exaggerates. It is a real exercise to avoid exaggeration and those 'little white lies'. So, is it normal? I believe it is inevitable due to our sin nature. My beliefs come from the Bible and I would be happy to share more with you if you are interested, but I am careful not to delve too deeply unless one is really interested.
We parents have to teach them the difference between the truth, and lies, exaggerations, and imaginary play (pretend playing)... not an easy task!

[Astoria]

I really think it varies depending on the personality of the child. I know children who are very straightforward, literal, rules-oriented, or justice (fairness) oriented, who really don't lie.

My older son, who is introverted, quiet, loving, and a serious conflict-avoider (absolutely could not handle to disappoint or be spoken to harshly, or make eye contact when you say "I love you," or have a "feelings" talk), lied a bit at that age. He denied wrongdoing to prevent trouble or conflict (and we are very gentle responders). We communicated that it is more important to be honest and that we wouldn't punish him, but that was unbearable for him, he'd deny hiding the truth and climb under his bed. He got braver and more clear that it is important to be truthful, and at seven he handles things much better. But I am willing to bet that due to his personality, his first instinct may always be to conceal rather than admit to something problematic.

My younger son, on the other hand, admits wrongdoing very clearly, and even when you downplay it ("you didn't mean to"), he restates it, ("but I did get marker on the couch, I did, I got the marker on it!") He's much more naturally truthful and direct. He sometimes "exaggerates" but I don't see that as lying cause he actually believes what he is saying. He sees the world in dramatic terms and expresses it as such. And if you call him on it "a hundred pieces? really?", he'll usually modify with a laugh.

Personality types really make children different from each other and I don't think either is more "natural" for a 3 year old. They are just different people and teaching about reality v. fantasy, bravery, truth, taking responsibility, etc... is going to take different forms with different kids.