What is this!?!

[MPsSweetie]

I really hate this, it seems like the only time I ever post about my dd is when she is driving me crazy. Or actually crazier, because its ALL the time nowadays. I try not to complain about it, but sometimes I just can't deal anymore!

Her big thing lately... Like just now, she was looking out our window (brand new, we just replaced all of them) at one of our kitties, and she said "I hope she (the kitty) sticks out her claw and rips the screen", which is something we have been worrying about our cats doing. Or yesterday, she started playing with the garbage can and I said ewww, thats germy, and she got mad and yelled at me, saying that she wasn't going to wash her hands anyway. Or, calling Asheby back to her room, then slamming the door on his face. She doesn't want him to touch any of her stuff, but she takes all of his toys for her own. Or, another one, we ask our kids not to take food out of the kitchen, so she goes in the living room and calls him in there while he's eating just to get him in trouble.

I am REALLY getting tired of this. I wake up in the morning dreading getting up with her all day. It's 11am and I already have a migraine over it. It just makes me sick the way she acts, I can feel this yucky feeling all inside me, my shoulders start tensing up, etc. It's awful. I try to think of fun things we can do together, but then she does something like this and I just want her away from me. I also have a hard time acting nice towards her when she acts so horribly towards all of us. We really try though! James is always trying so hard!

I feel so awful that things are this way. I am not perfect but I really do try to be a good mama. I know a lot of people have recommened books to read about kids, but I don't have a library anywhere near, so thats not an easy one. I just need to know shes not the only one, or that she will grow out of it, or maybe she is the only one, so I don't have to be all stressed out worrying about Asheby getting like this. Anything!

[LionTigerBear]

I'm sorry you and her are having so much trouble.

I'm sure others here will have more immediate practical advice, but I would reccomend flower essences for both of you. There is a very good thread about flower essences here. Good luck!

[SoCaliMommy]

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[nonnymoose]

Originally Posted by MPsSweetie

I just need to know shes not the only one, or that she will grow out of it, or maybe she is the only one, so I don't have to be all stressed out worrying about Asheby getting like this. Anything!

My 4yo is an utter turd sometimes. Does that make you feel better?

I can't ask him to please not do something because that's exactly what he'll do, he whines, he's forgotten how to use a sentence, he lies his incompetent little tail off and we have to not laugh, and we can't walk out of the room when he's with his brother or ten seconds later he's pulling his hair or pushing him down or taking whatever he's playing with. Thoroughly turdy behavior, if you ask me. We're doing a lot of teeth-gritting 'round here, I tell you.
I'm flying to Kansas with him alone in a couple of weeks, though, and I'm really looking forward to it. He gets to be the big boy, his brother gets a break, and we get to enjoy each others' company for a few days!

[MPsSweetie]

We are making a few crafts together right now. I just had to grit my teeth and try to forget about her behavior. It's hard but I'm trying!!

At least I'm not the only one... And please! Asheby DO NOT go through this phase. I may not have any hair left to pull out by then.

It's so hard, I just want to go cuddle my sweet little bear that still loves me!

[AdInAZ]

Oh yes! We seem to go through this periodically. When I feel like tearing my hair out, I start putting dd to bed an hour earlier. After a few days of that she seems to do better. Lets hope its a phase -- trying to be independent of mama but not knowing how except in defiance. Bleh!

[Graceoc]

My DD is almost the same age as yours from the looks of it and I am having a REALLY CHALLANGING time with her lately as well. (((hugs)))

[blue butterfly]

big hugs mama!! dd has days like that to and i feel like, "what did i do to create a child that would act like this". i to hope it's an age thing and i make sure to embrace all the moments that she's as sweet as can be!

[One_Girl]

My five year old is hard sometimes and drives me up the wall. Especially lately with her new snotty teenage voice that she uses to say anything she has to say right after school. I don't know that the difficulties ever end, I think I just adapt or else she gets bored with the behavior and goes through a calm phase before finding something else. I find a movie day and ignoring the guilt of having a movie day really calm my nerves as well as going to the Y and having her go to the kid area.

[littlemizflava]

mine are
dd june 1st 2002, ds oct 20th 2006
has to be the age difference and yes i get it here fighting over the toys wanting them all not sharing getting mad at the baby for playing with his own toys because she wanted to play with it: it never ends just goes on and on.
the pushing, the shoving, the yelling, the name calling, the battles every second of every day all day long it never ends ................ UMMM ya i think i can feel what you are going threw

[abi&ben'smom]

My dd (6 1/2) is yelling at me right now. She is hungry, but didn't like the lunch that I made. So I warmed her up some leftovers. Then she said that she never said that she wanted it (she did). So I told her that she could have some toast, have cheese, etc. "you don't love me! you won't do anything!"

Now it's over. I stopped saying anything for a minute (I had just kept saying "I love you, you're my sweetie, etc") and she said (yelling) "aren't you going to say anything loving?!?!?" So I picked her up and we layed down on the couch for a minute. She is fine now, and is reading to me.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with a challenging dd---and her brother is very easy!!

[MPsSweetie]

Thanks for sharing all your crazy dd stories, it really made me feel a lot better!

[geek_the_girl]

My DD is a handful from time to time, let me tell ya..And she has always had a temper. Its gotten much better as she has gotten older but lately her and my DH have been butting heads.
Ah, the Leo child vrs the Scorpio male.
Lovely.

[Breeder]

Originally Posted by nonnymoose

My 4yo is an utter turd sometimes. Does that make you feel better?

laughup

That's exactly what I say about my 5yo. Although really he's a sweetheart most of the time, sometimes he's just an absolute turd. I have gotten in a bit of trouble for saying, "J, could you just stop acting like a turd for a minute and listen to me?" Not one of my best parenting moments.

If he doesn't get what he wants, he's dramatic, "Then I will not have a mommy or a daddy and I will be an ORPHAN!" As if saying he can't have ice cream for lunch is the same as abandoning him in the street. Ah, children!

[mamabeca]

I got me a real doodlebug, too! The meltdowns recently are WAY worse (longer, louder, more violent) than EVER! Ugh.

shes not the only one, CORRECT

or that she will grow out of it, CORRECT

or maybe she is the only one, INCORRECT!

It's really truly going to be FINE. She's getting her growing PAINs out on you - which is safe and appropriate. But HARD. For me, the best thing to do AT THAT MOMENT is to write down the GOOD things I love about my dc. EVERY SINGLE ONE. I have written, on an entire sheet of paper, I love the way you breathe many times... and nothing else! In better moments, I can get out stuff like I love the way you smile when you know you have done the right thing, I love the way you drink so much water, I love that you eat your veggies, I love that you are willing to try new games and puzzles... you get the idea.

If I'm driving (often) or really trying to get something done (cook, usually), I use a different tactic. Ignore, ignore, ignore. There's a great website called Terrific Parenting that I love, and his basic philosophy is to ignore (starve) the behaviour you do not want, and to feed (reward?) the behaviour you DO want. You don't have to be super obvious about the praise, just a small pat on the back, or a loving smile, gives her the information she needs to process that you LIKE that she is sharing, taking care of her stuff, being gentle, etc.

Hang in there - this is VERY short term!!!

[mamabeca]

Originally Posted by Breeder

lAs if saying he can't have ice cream for lunch is the same as abandoning him in the street. Ah, children!

They must be twins, separated at birth!!! My ds had a complete meltdown this morning because he wasn't allowed ice cream for BREAKFAST!! Geesh!!!

[~Boudicca~]

Originally Posted by nonnymoose

My 4yo is an utter turd sometimes. Does that make you feel better?

It makes me feel better!

My 5 year old drives me up a wall. But for some reason, the calm has set in. She is still a fireball, but nothing like she was about 6 months ago. I would have sold her for a dollar.

[MPsSweetie]

Well, one good day, and the next has to make up for it by being a double turd!

I made up some nice easter baskets for the kids, eggs, a bit of candy, new swimsuits, cool water bottles. You know, just simple fun stuff. Then the grandparents brought over some stuff. THEN, she starts asking why WE didn't buy her anything, why didn't WE get her anything for easter, over and over and over. WTF!! I bought all that crap for her! The easter bunny is about to be outed.

Then she told me I was being awful and I almost lost it.

I still want to make things fun for Asheby but it seems like she takes all the fun out of everything these days.

[chfriend]

The 5 love languages of children posits that sharing your love with your child is best done in their own "love language." They identify them ashysical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service.

I think your little one has given you an incredible present....the information you need to love her the way she can hear your love....Gifts!

Maybe for a few weeks, tuck little surprises around for her. Say yes to a toy in the store for no reason....make her napkin a bunny at dinner...

things like that so she knows how very special she is to you.

The book is written by Christians, but I didn't find it heavy-handed. It might be a nice read as you work to build closeness.

[mommy68]

My daughter can act like this sometimes. I try to make nasty things fun by being lighthearted and cheerful about it. For instance, if there is a mess on the trash can say something like "I need to get a wipe and clean this up" in a cheerful tone but not with much emphasis. If she points out a mess she has made then don't let her know it bothers you and just clean it up in front of her. That might help her change. My DD will do things on purpose sometimes if she knows it "really" bothers me or I'm already having a bad day. It can be nerve racking.