what do you all think about this...

[i*wish]

Yesterday we were at Target and my 2.5yo loves to run in the aisles. When it's safe I let her run ahead and tell her she can run until i say 'stop'. I let her know beforehand that if she doesn't stop that she'll have to walk and stay with mommy: hold my hand or ride in the cart.
So, of course, about the 15th time she's running and I say 'stop', she keeps right on. I yell to her 'STOP' and she keeps on...now I leave the cart and my huge pregnant butt is there running after her. I catch her and I'm carrying her back to the cart and she's whining/crying and trying not to hit me and she says
'I'm angry'. I about peed my pants.... I never expected to hear this from her. We've talked about feelings and whatnot but I've never been great at pointing things out 'in the moment'. I would never have known she could put her finger on this feeling.

So: What *should* I have said/done when she told me she was angry (I just looked at her with disbelief and trying not to laugh)

Also: Do you think my 'rules' for running in the store are totally unreasonable for a 2.5yo? Should I just not allow the running and avoid the overwhelming temptation to ignore my stop.

tia

[laoxinat]

"Are you mad because mama won't let you run in the store?" That's all.
But. I will *gently* suggest that 15 times is way too many times to let something go. The 2nd time she ran off, I would have reiterated the rule, and put her in the cart. Or, picked her up gently, and left. Trust me, if you act rather than talk, your life will be so so much easier. I say this from experience : mama, I am SO not flaming!

[WhaleinGaloshes]

I think that's awesome that she expressed herself to you. My 2.5 year old says "I'm sad" and "I'm scared", but she hasn't been able to put her finger on 'angry' yet.

I think I'd say something as simple as "I understand you're angry." She obviously knows from all her past expierences that it's okay to be angry, and everyone gets angry sometimes, which I think is great.

(And I read your post differently, not that she disregarded your 'stop' 15 times, but that she stopped 14 times and then slipped up the 15th. Which sounds like a very good ratio to me.)

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by easy_goer

(And I read you're post differently, not that she disregarded your 'stop' 15 times, but that she stopped 14 times and then slipped up the 15th. Which sounds like a very good ratio to me.)

That is how I read it, too. Curious to see which it really was, lol.

I agree that it is great that she said she was angry!

If this game works for her in stores (running until you say stop), you might want to try "red light, green light". I played that with dd all the time when she was younger--just constantly, lol. In that game, both the running (green light) and the stopping (red light) are part of the game, so stopping is as fun as running

[i*wish]

Thanks everyone! Yup, we do 'red light' 'green light' too...they're both like the same game to her....
Also, sorry for the confusion, she *did* 'stop' 14 times (perhaps exaggerated!) and kept on going on the 15th 'try'. I would *never* have been able to let that running away from me happen 15 times! : Overall, she does pretty good with it but I didn't know if I'm just insane for dangling that temptation...

[Aubergine68]

Originally Posted by i*wish

Also: Do you think my 'rules' for running in the store are totally unreasonable for a 2.5yo? Should I just not allow the running and avoid the overwhelming temptation to ignore my stop.

tia

Dh has always let our children walk/run ahead like you do. (Right now, our boys are 22 and 49 months old)

Part of me loves this kind of game. It transforms a shopping centre from a place of soul-killing mindless consumerism into a place where children can exercise, laugh and play with a parent. It transforms a necessary outing into something active and fun for my children. If my child is not in a sling or a parent's arms, I'd rather see him walking and actively engaging with his dad or the environment, than, say, glassy-eyed and sucking on a bottle in a shopping cart or stroller.

At the same time, part of me really dislikes this kind of game. I don't feel I can concentrate on necessary errands and keeping track of three children safely-- dh seems to be able to; but I cannot. When I am grocery shopping alone with the children, I need the younger ones to ride in a cart, for my own sanity. I worry that they may start bothering other shoppers, or messing up store displays or that they might get hurt, and I can't get what I need to do done when I am stressed and worried.

Dh and I have different parenting styles on this point, but we've agreed to go with the difference. Our children know that shopping with daddy means they usually walk and have little adventures and games along the way, shopping with mommy means they ride and stay with me and we talk about our errands, what we see, etc.

When we are shopping all together, they start out on foot, but if mommy thinks it is too dangerous, too crowded, or they are getting too wild (as happened in Costco last weekend...) they have to get in the cart.

Dh and I often give our nine-year-old little errands to do ie "While I shop for produce can you please go to the bakery section and get three loaves of our kind of bread and bring them back?" She loves helping like this. I can't remember how old she was when we started.

[WhaleinGaloshes]

Originally Posted by i*wish

... Overall, she does pretty good with it but I didn't know if I'm just insane for dangling that temptation...

I think my approach is similar to yours. I think sometimes "I won't even let her know it's a possibility, so then we won't have to deal with the disappointment/temptation" but in the end that's not the way I want to be with her. It feels too much like keeping her in a bubble so I don't have to deal with the battles.

If she can run and play and be safe within the boundaries, then I think the anger that she got carried away and had to stop is worth it. If it upsets her too much when she has to stop, maybe you can remind her next time and make a plan or take a break from the game until she's more ready. But it sure sounds like she's in a good place with it right now.

[abi&ben'smom]

Alright, I'm going to have to say that I think that running in the aisles isn't a good idea. When my two just start bolting down the aisles, and don't listen to me to stop, I can't tell you how many times they've almost ran into other people or their carts. And from a perspective of someone who works in retail, the floors are not safe for running. Many times a day, I come across spills that customers didn't let us know about; and pieces of glass that were missed from the last thing that was knocked over.
And yes, I know that I am a worry-wart; my dh makes fun of me all the time.

[ssh]

If it's just me and my 27 month old DD, she has to stay with me. She can hold my hand, hold (help push) the cart, or sit in the cart. If we're shopping with my husband, we allow her to run from one of us to the other. We usually have one parent looking at stuff and the other parent holding DDs hand and 'browsing' (walking around the store really fast). So when we see the other parent again she can run to them. I'd rather walk around with her than have her tempted to touch fragile items or get really bored.