late potty learners?

[BusyBeeMom]

Tell me it happens...my 39 month old is totally not potty trained. She is very verbal, and no physical/developmental problems, that's not it. She's just stubborn. I've tried everything - naked, treats, no diapers, bringing her to the potty, reminders, totally backing off, etc...

Occasionally she'll say she wants to wear panties and promptly poop in them, so now I've just told her that until she starts to use the potty regularly, she needs to wear diapers. I cannot clean/toss another pair of dirty panties.

I know she's not really late at this point, I'm just starting to wonder if it will ever happen. Oh, she IS capable, b/c there have been several day stretches at times when she will have no accidents, go spontaneously, etc., and then revert to ALL "accidents" no potty success.

[veganf]

My 4yo has only in the last few months shown any interest or success in potty learning. It's a pain to get diapers this big!
Every kid is different. My first was so easy. They'll do it when they're ready.

[jillmamma]

If it makes you feel any better, DS finally got it at 45 months old.

[DaughterOfKali]

My son was close to 4 before he did well.

[julielenore]

My twins are 45 months old. Marshall trained a few months ago and Luke is not interested at all. After 4 kids I have learned not to push them it will happen when they are ready. I just make sure that they know what the toilet is for (obviously by now they know that) and when they are ready they will take the next step.

[Canadianmommax3]

my dd will be 4 in april and still in pull ups, she will occasionally go on the potty but will never poo in it. She goes up to her room which is right near the bathroom and goes behind her bedroom door and poops in her pull up!
She is seriously driving me crazy with this!

[mommy68]

My DD was the latest to train of my 3 kids (the other two boys were earlier) and she was 3 years, 8 months old. She was trained by 3.5 yrs old and then had an illness that put her in the hospital and it set her back. She is 6 now and still has occasional accidents from time to time.

[oceanbaby]

Ds2 will be 4 in July. If he is naked, he's about 90% at using the toilet. If anything else is on - pants, diapers, pull ups, underwear - forget about it.

Ds1 was close to 4 when he started using the toilet. For him it was all or nothing. One day he was refusing to even consider it, the next he was out of diapers.

[BusyBeeMom]

Thanks all. I am just so, so sick of this. I'm tired of changing cr---y diapers on a child with whom I can have full-length conversations. I'm so fed up, it's all I can do to not lose it. I know I should handle it better, but it's so hard to hide that I'm exasperated and annoyed.

And I'm so tired of her saying she wants to stop wearing diapers and wear panties and then have a 100% accident rate. Within 1/2 hour the panties are wet or dirty. What do I do? Refuse to put the panties on? Force her to wear diapers? I'm at my wit's end.

Why is this bothering me so much?

[LauraLoo]

I was a later potty trainer. I was trained sometime between 36 months and 42 months. I had no developmental delays - walked at 9 months, spoke early, etc. But I was much later to train than my mom thought I should be. She finally came to the conclusion (after both grandmothers attempted to train me) that I wasn't interested.

When I was interested what did work for me was to put the potty stool in my room. I was day and night trained within a week.

DS was also a later trainer - at 3 years 9 months. DD was trained day and night at 2.5.

[Redifer]

Oh, hugs momma.

Your dd sounds identical to mine (who is now 43 months and just started pottying regularly with no accidents two weeks ago). We went through the "I want to wear panties" only to immediately soil them.

I was at my wit's end with it. It didn't really bother me that she wasn't using the potty, but rather, that she INSISTED on wearing panties just to soil them. My stress level was through the roof.

We did go back to diapers. For a few months. And I just stopped even THINKING about the potty. And then she literally just woke up one day wanting to use the potty, and we haven't had a problem. I don't know WHAT that was all about.

But I can totally sympathize. Big hugs to you. No advice, just support!

[BusyBeeMom]

Thank you, thank you...I know this too shall pass. But yes, the immediately solied/wet panties gets me down. I keep thinking "ok, maybe she's serious this time." Argh.

Anyway, I've come in off my ledge and am going to try to forget it.

[Teensy]

Neither of my boys trained until they were 3 years, 10 months. DS#2 wasn't able to attend his preschool for the threes class because he wasn't potty trained.

On the other hand, I did nothing at all different with DD, and she was trained at age 2.

I hear you on the frustration. I can't tell you how many times I had to scrappy mushy poop out of underpants in a public restroom stall or how many times I had to wash the carseat cover. Arrrggghhhh.

Hopefully it will happen soon for your DD.

[swissgirl]

My daughter was nearly four before she would pee, a little past her 4th birthday for pooing in the potty. Used pullups, not diapers, before that.

The key was Dora the Explorer and Hello Kitty underwear for the peeing. 2 M&Ms and one sticker after each successful pee.

We bought a Dora potty seat and emphasized it was for pooing. She finally couldn't resist the Dora seat and started to use it to poo. Now she uses it for both. Used M&Ms and stickers too for a month or so.

Normally, I don't purchase character items (except Thomas the Train and Sesame St.) but this Dora seat worked wonders. We have 3 now.

Also, the silver lining to having an older child who is not yet trained - you can talk to them about the process, encourage them and they understand better than a 2-3 year old. We also used the "big girls go potty" angle which works with a 4 year old.

[canadiangranola]

ds is almost five, has been peeing independently on the potty for almost 2 years and REFUSES to use the potty for poop....he asks for a diaper. It drives me crazy, but I have found that changing him while he is standing up (and bent over, like if he was pottying and needed a wipe helps.)...somehow when the poop doesn't get so squished everywhere then it seems a little bit less gross......

I keep hoping for a poop miracle. I'm not holding my breath (except when I change him,)

Anno

[OboePlayerMom]

Just want to let you know I understand your frustration with this. My son is 4.5, and he has finally become a consistent user of the potty for peeing and pooping. He did great with peeing from about age 3.5 on, even staying dry all night, but the pooping was about to do me in. He, too, seems very bright and we are able to reason with him about a lot of other things. But there was no reasoning with him about pooping on the potty. We tried stickers, candy, a BIG toy, small toys, charts, calls to grandparents, read all of the poop books to him, whatever we could think of. After he turned 4, I thought he'd just never figure it out, and I remember how frustrated I felt. Somehow, and I'm a bit fuzzy on the details, he pooped on the potty the night before Halloween '07, and he's been pretty good since then. Still some messes here or there, but in the past few weeks I've been feeling a great sense of relief about it all. I think he's got it figured out! So hang in there, these "late bloomers" do come around for us!

Leslie, mom to ds J (4.5) and dd E (2.5)

[Canadianmommax3]

Originally Posted by BusyBeeMom

Thanks all. I am just so, so sick of this. I'm tired of changing cr---y diapers on a child with whom I can have full-length conversations. I'm so fed up, it's all I can do to not lose it. I know I should handle it better, but it's so hard to hide that I'm exasperated and annoyed.

And I'm so tired of her saying she wants to stop wearing diapers and wear panties and then have a 100% accident rate. Within 1/2 hour the panties are wet or dirty. What do I do? Refuse to put the panties on? Force her to wear diapers? I'm at my wit's end.

Why is this bothering me so much?

well my dd who will be four in 17 days, went two days with just underwear even overnight! But then she had to poo so she went up to her room and behind her bedroom door and pooped and pee in her underwear, i was very nice about it and said accidents happened it's ok, changed her underwear and within the hour she pooped again in them!
It's the whole poop thing! She will not go on the potty!
She pooped again yesterday and when i went to take her underwear off this huge lump of poo fell on the floor, geeze i was mad!!!:

[Mama_2_Boy]

I'm glad I found this thread...I did a search on potty learning and several came back, but this is the one that closely mirrored my own situation. DS is 39 months as well and he wants nothing to do with it. On top of that, whenever we visit in-laws, I'm getting alot of flack from them pushing me to get DS to learn how to use the toilet, and that "you're going to have alot of problems come school if you don't get him trained"...or the better one I've heard "maybe there is something wrong with him? have you thought of that?"
I'm really sick of it all. I wish people would back off. I had someone go as far to suggest that I get a belt and strap my son to the toilet seat until he figures out to use it...can you imagine? At any rate, my DS is now taking off his diaper after he poops and trying to dump it in the bowl that way. Too funny...but when I don't catch him there is a mess which is no fun .

[~*~MamaJava~*~]

Just to give you a ray of hope...ds2 is finally potty learned (not 100% at night, but that doesn't count ). He is 3.5. I despaired for quite awhile about him 'getting it' - totally not interested, didn't matter what I did...then I would try and try and he would kind of get it, but always seemed to go in his pants right after trying on the toilet. He is too big for a potty.
So i got him allergy tested because of some other concerns, and eliminated some foods from his diet. I've been testing, and it seems that either wheat or corn seriously impedes his toilet awareness. if those two are totally eliminated, he goes on his own urge, no problems (unless someone else is on the toilet when he has to go ). Even at night he is starting to wake to go, and stay dry. I reintroduced small amounts and he started peeing on the floor again.
So it IS totally normal to PL late, but there might be something that helps!

[nicole lisa]

DS wasn't interested in a potty at all. I'd ask if he was ever going to get out of diapers and he'd say "yes....later." Later did come. He was almost 4 but when he decided he was done he was absolutely done. No accidents, night trained all on that day. He never did use a potty he went straight from diapers to using the toilet, standing to pee (used a stool.)

It will happen.