Meals AFTER the first two weeks were helpful. The first week food flooded in, but nobody was interested in eating it. Meals the following weeks would have been nice, because by then we were hungry but nobody wanted to cook or go shopping.
A card, hand delivered, would be nice. You can just ring the doorbell and give it, or if that feels off put it in the mailbox. I got the feeling everyone was avoiding us, and I was kind of indifferent to it...at the same time, it was nice when people tried to make contact. Even then, I felt like I repeated the same phrase "I think we're doing okay," about a million times. It became kind of zombie-like.
Are they having a service or gathering? Some friends offered to cook/prepare food for the gathering, and that was so helpful. Funerals are horribly expensive, even if the funeral home doesn't charge because it's a child. I couldn't believe how much money we had to pay to feed people at our son's funeral. That felt so wrong....so friends made up dessert trays and homemade muffins and fruit/veggie trays. That was nice, not to have to pay for food.
Do you have kids that play with their kids? Is there usually comfortable, friendly mingling between your families? If so, try to keep it up after the initial shock has worn down. I'm so thankful our neighbors kept in touch with us, and kept talking/visiting with us. I know I was in shock for a long while, and sleep deprived, and I often said strange things...but grief does strange things to you, and my neighbors never made me feel bad.
I'd disagree with the "don't ask, just help" line of thinking when it comes to personal things like laundry, dishes, etc. Sometimes it felt strange having people buzz around my house taking care of personal things. It would have been different if they did the dishes while we were out, but it was just odd when people wanted to do those things when we were home and sitting around.
One thing our neighbors did for us was babysit in the evenings. Dh and I needed a lot of time after our kid-busy days to be alone and process things. We went for walks, went out to cafes and out to eat...we just needed to get OUT. Often our neighbor would come over after the kids were in bed so we could go for walks or get some coffee. That was wonderful.
Above all, the best thing friends and neighbors did was write down stories and memories of James. They weren't all that long, but just simple and sweet. My one neighbor, a single lady nextdoor, wrote that she remembered talking to me over the hedge one day, and she heard one of our boys laughing. She asked who it was, and she says I said "Oh, that's James. He's always laughing." That little memory of hers still brings happy tears to my eyes, because it helps me remember James for who he was, not for the loss of him.
I hope that helps. It's wonderful that you're thinking of them in this way...no matter how deep the shock and sadness, the kind support of others feels wonderful.