Questions about fulfilling my dds potential

[The Duchess]

My eldest dd just entered Catholic school in first grade about a month ago. We just got a report card saying that she fit in fantastically well socially and academically. She loves school. She received all "O"s for outstanding and S+'s which is above standard. So she is obviously not behind and is doing great.

Here is why I started this thread - I believe she is at least a year behind her ability level. She was very bright from a young child and would have been perfect for early entry to Kindergarten as she was so ready. But we were holding out for our local Catholic school - where we are all parishioners. So I sent her to the parish preschool. Big mistake, she learnt NOTHING the whole year, when she had been writing at three. Then she didn't get into the school so we started homeschooling. I however was overwhelmed as I had two younger sibs at home and we have been building a new hosue which is almost complete. She learnt how to read and write - with barely any imput from me. Last fall I realized she needed so much more so we found another Catholic school.

I am so torn. I agree that homeschooling is so good emotionally for most children but academically I would say my dd is very bright and I feel I have let her down. If I had followed her natural rate of learning I believe she would be at least at a second grade level but most likely way beyond that. She used to beg me to teach her to read when she was 4 and I was too busy.

Can you please give me some reassurance? Will she gradually rise back up to her natural ability level? Her school offers a pull-out readers program (children have to be at least 2 grades ahead in reading) so I am wondering if I can help her get to that level by the end of the summer. I really don't want to push her put I don't want to not have her fufill her potential because of my neglect of her ability. Her teacher said if she had come in earlier in the year she probably would be in the pull-out reading program.

She is extremely self-motivated. She comes home and immediately does all her homework. Right now she has decided to do a journal to give to her teacher and writes a page a day - this is nothing to do with me she just decided to do it on her own.

I feel if her teacher told she was confident she would learn X my dd would learn to do it, so I'm wondering if I should ask her teacher to set her some goals that stretch her a bit to help her gradually get up to her own ability. My dd bounces out of bed every morning to go to school and says the weekends are too boring. I think I will get her a tutor for the summer because I think she will be bored without being fed intellectually.

I don't mean to be neurotic or not let my kid be a kid but I don't want to waste any of her huge brain power.

[supervee]

I'm torn. I have observed people in our family making the decision to keep reading away from their kids until kindergarten, and those kids have walked into kindergarten, learned to read within a week, and skipped several grade levels within a year. However, I do think you lose something with any child if you don't nurture and help them nurture the things they love to do and are good at.

If she's self-motivated, and happy at school and home, then I'd guess things were good. You could gently nudge her into higher-level reading books if you think she has gotten a bit bogged down and stuck on one level (just get some interesting ones and leave them for her to read, or start the first chapter out-loud for her).

[LilyGrace]

As a homeschooler, I think you would be doing your child a disservice with a tutor.

Natural ability is just that. Working under maximum potential isn't a bad thing, but it depends on the enrichment. For example, I would hate to see a 1st grader doing worksheets and learning about 'ah' when they are already reading. But on the reverse, I would love to see a 1st grader engaged in multisensory work that allows for exploration.
And, even the working on phonics part wouldn't be too bad, because learning to read with expression and punctuation requires reading fluently. I have my 8yo read from books that are easy and familiar when working on these skills.

I think the tutor would be a bad idea because it seems to reinforce the idea that learning is seperate from life, and that she doesn't deserve a vacation because this year was a 'vacation'. Have you looked at some of the summer camps around you? I saw some in the paper the other day here that looked great - NASA, outdoor skills, arts, cooking......I would find these to be a more valuable use of your daughter's time if you were to do any enrichment this summer. These are short, usually a week long, and let her pick due to her interest. The libraries usually have a summer reading program, too.
Once a child learns to read, write, and do some math, the whole world is open to them.

Honestly, I think your daughter sounds fine. She loves school, so it sounds like she's being engaged and interested. She's self motivated to go above, which is wonderful. That's something else I would be worried about stripping from her if she had a tutor or was more pressed. But overall right now she sounds like what she is doing is working for her right now.

[Momily]

As a teacher I vote for not worrying. Continue to talk to her, expose her to things, follow her lead on reading related activities etc . . . , but feel secure in knowing that lots of children start 1st grade barely reading (or not reading at all) and shoot up within the first few years, while others who come from more academically challenging backgrounds might seem ahead at first and settle back to a more average position.

Also, keep in mind that this isn't a race -- the end point is pretty much the same. Whether a child makes that jump to fluent reading in 1st grade, 4th grade or 8th grade (and it usually happens that way, they develop skills gradually and steadily and then one day it clicks and they're reading everything fluently) the point is that they leave school reading, writing, etc . . .

I agree that I wouldn't do a tutor at this point. If you want to enrich her at home, give her some books on tape to follow along while she's listening, and go to the library often so she's got lots of things on her level to read, and maybe a pretty journal to gently encourage her to write, and then just sit back and enjoy who she is. It sounds like you have a wonderful little girl.

[The Duchess]

Thank you so much for your thoughts. She loves drama and has done two productions already (while homeschooling) and is about to start rehearsals for the Wizard of Oz at her new school. So as they don't offer drama year round I was hoping to have her do classes at a local drama studio very clsoe to our home which I know she would love.

I agree it is not a race! I know I am most likely overreacting....She is very happy at school which is great. When I was too busy to do readaloud with her when we were homeschooling I got her lots of books on CD. She memorized large chunks of those and used to entertain us in the car by reciting the books to us with expression. I just got some more readalouds - I wanted to read E. Nesbit because I never read her books as a kid. We are reading the Treasure Seekers right now.

You know, I did try a tutor with her for a little while when we were homeschooling but we abandoned the idea because she and I agreed that the work was boring. Very worksheety.

Our house is almost done and we will be moving in soon. I want to have plenty of "movable parts" - planks of wood, pulleys etc for the kids to do whatever they want with in the backyard. They are very creative, but I won't say that is a strong point of Catholic schools. She also loves music and likes to teach herself tunes on the piano. She really enjoys her music class at school so I was thinking of adding piano lessons after the summer. Although what she always tells me is she wants to learn the violin, so maybe I should look at that. I never wanted to have the kids overwhelmed with extracurricula stuff - but to have plenty of free time and to be together as a family. However she has a strong desire to learn all the time. I know play is learning but again I wonder if I will miss windows when things would be easy for her to pick up.

I think much of my anxiety is because I am from a culture whose schooling is about 2 years ahead of the US.

[kmeyrick]

I think you shouldn't worry. You can try some enrichment activities to keep learning interesting. I know you like your Catholic school, and since you are parishioners, maybe you can volunteer there to get to know the curriculum so you can reflect it at home. For example, if the students will learn about money soon, you can practice at the grocery store buying eggs.

Have you considered some magnet schools? Often they are more stimulating to children. Perhaps a Montessori or Waldorf school will be better for her.

I know you are from a culture where children start learning two years earlier, but that may not be pivotal in the long run. Research hasn't really backed that up.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by LilyGrace

Honestly, I think your daughter sounds fine. She loves school, so it sounds like she's being engaged and interested. She's self motivated to go above, which is wonderful. That's something else I would be worried about stripping from her if she had a tutor or was more pressed. But overall right now she sounds like what she is doing is working for her right now.

I agree.

It also depends on the child. She is still young yet but I do believe that sometimes kids can be turned in to a different child by being in school. My oldest just returned to H/S'ing this year and he had been in private school for two years and he loved it but his love of learning was also slowly dissipating. He was becoming more socially involved in school and getting worse and worse academically even though he was still making excellent grades. He went from being 2-3 years above level in all academic areas in 4th grade to being right at grade level (below in math) within the two years he attended a school outside the home. So, needless to say, I've brought him back home mainly for that reason. He used to LOVE learning and I watched it slowly go away during that two years he was in school outside the home. He used to be a reader, a big reader. He would grab books and just read on his own with no urging from me and now it's all I can do to get him to read a page in a workbook in order to complete a lesson. He gets bored with it. I can't stand it. I hope his love for learning (especially for reading) returns soon.